living in the question

I've been trying to help my sophomores understand what it means to "live in the question". That is, to hold onto a confusing problem or situation with faith and patience, trusting that your unconscious is working on it and having enough faith to hang on until the solution becomes clear. It's a great way to live, and I think it's one of the top ten things high school students should have in their pocket when they leave for college.

But it's not easy.

I'm finding it a little difficult myself right now, actually. God has thrown me a rather large curve ball in the last few weeks, and I am struggling to hold onto it despite all of my instincts. I am doing my best to think carefully about what I choose to do and say right now. I am trying hard to listen closely to the people who tell me how sorry they are for what has happened. I am challenged daily to respond to this fiasco according to "the gospel call to love thy neighbor" (that's part of our school's mission statement). I am confronted all the time with my own doubts and fears. And still I sit with the question: What do I want from this?

When the voices in my head start to chatter away about the injustice, the unfairness, the hypocrisy, and the insidiousness, I try to come back to something a good friend once said to me:

You know what? None of that stuff matters now. All that matters is this: What are you going to do about it?

And I don't know yet. For now, I'm going to keep doing what I do. And wait. And pray. And try to listen to my heart.

But it's definitely not easy.

Posted: Mon - May 3, 2004 at 09:07 AM

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living in the question

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