changes in my fall schedule

A wonderful way to finish off my classes before spring break. I was invited into the principal's office Wednesday and informed that I would not be offered a contract for the fall.

Unfortunately, the administration deemed it necessary to refrain from giving me any reason whatsoever for their decision. I understand the legal challenges involved and the delicate nature of giving someone this kind of information, but still . . . that totally sucked. In the end, I asked point-blank if this had anything to do with my teaching. The principal said that it didn't.

Even though, I felt blind-sided and hurt. I felt sad. I felt scared and ashamed. I was angry that no one would tell me anything. I found myself wondering if this had to do with my website or my being gay or my recent wedding. Or maybe the principal didn't like what he saw when he observed my class? Why wouldn't they just talk with me?

As I retreated down the hall, the assistant principal called me back to her office. She hadn't said anything before, but now she let me know quietly that I would be able to get plenty of good references here. I thanked her, and left quickly.

The school day was short, so I had the rest of the afternoon to sit with my feelings, wondering and worrying about where I had gone wrong. Corey came home from work with lots of hugs and support for me and we talked all evening about it.

Surprisingly, I really did okay that night. I've felt very spiritually centered lately, and I remembered just how much I felt guided to this job by God. Well, if God put me here, maybe God has somewhere else to put me that's just as important. Right?

The next morning, I found out that I was not the only new teacher who would not be receiving a contract in the fall. This news took much of my worrying away and made me feel a lot better. For some reason, I could now feel comfortable that this decision was not a personal one.

It's unfortunate that the process of breaking this kind of news to someone has become so wrapped up in legalities and formalities that there doesn't seem to be a lot of room for compassion and humanity -- which is really what everyone in that room needed most. Yes, it was devastating to me, but I don't think any of us were enjoying the experience. Wouldn't it be great if we could enter that room as caring people trying to live in relationship with one another? And wouldn't it be great if we could model the kind of behaviors we would like to see our students grow to emulate?

Alas, it looks as though I won't have a chance to explore those possibilities here. And I was really starting to like these people . . .

Posted: Fri - April 9, 2004 at 11:25 PM

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changes in my fall schedule

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