A fine line

One of the most difficult issues that I have had to grapple with as a new teacher has been the delicate relationship between myself and my students. Today, the delicate nature of that relationship was made abundantly clear at our religion department meeting.

Any "normal" teacher will tell you that our personal lives are not appropriate topics for the classroom. My brother John's girlfriend (a teacher) told me that her students know very little about her, including the fact that she has a boyfriend. And yet I think Leigh Ann probably has a very good rapport with her students. She manages that relationship (I imagine) by being open and honest with them while drawing a distinct line between what is relevant to the classroom and what is not.

Being a religion teacher in the Catholic faith brings this line further into question. It is our job, our duty, as Catholic religion teachers to teach the beliefs of the Catholic faith to our students (about 50% of whom are not Catholic, by the way, but choose our school because of its good reputation and high standards). As my department chair told me when he hired me, "If we are not at least teaching what the church teaches, then we aren't doing our job". I believe this. I really do. I consider myself a baptized Catholic who chooses to worship in a Unitarian-Universalist community, and yes, I struggle with that identification, but I still find it a valid one.

I also identify as a Catholic High School Religion Teacher. And I do feel comfortable teaching my students what the church teaches.

During our "faculty collaboration session" today, one of our teachers asked a question regarding the Vatican's recent document on same-sex marriage, which was deposited into our boxes by our department chair with a note inviting us to read it and introduce it into curriculum however we saw fit. This document uses extremely harsh and dogmatic language, and clearly states the position of the Church proper that same-sex marriage of any kind is not and will never be acceptable, moral, or good in the eyes of God.

We happen to be a very liberal high school. Many of our students have two moms or two dads. We were one of the first Catholic high schools to sponsor a "gay-straight alliance" as an officially-recognized club. The teacher that mentioned this document wondered how we could possibly invite kids to read it, since its language is so harsh and final?

There is a long answer to that question which I will not go into here.

What came up next, though, was the question of how (or whether) to integrate our own beliefs with the beliefs of the church in our teaching. One teacher said that he is always careful to stay completely objective and never let his own opinions into the conversation in class. Another teacher protested, saying that he valued passionate discussion and felt the kids did as well. Other teachers came down on either side, in different degrees. I sat there quietly, my heart beating rapidly, wondering if and when I should speak.

The discussion went on for a long time, and I sat sweating for a long time. When I looked up and glanced at the opposite wall, I saw a bumper sticker which read:

Speak the truth, even though your voice shakes.

So I did. I told them that I felt compelled to comment on the topic since I have been in a committed same-sex relationship for over 11 years, and do not feel that I have the same freedom to share "passionate discussion" with my students. I also shared that this has been one of the biggest and hardest topics that I have had to deal with since deciding to become a teacher. (In every place I have worked since college, I have been completely open about my relationship with Corey.) And I told them my belief that we must never forget that we are not equals with our students. We do not have the luxury of giving our opinions and having them carry the same weight as they do in peer circles. They carry much, much more. This is not an even playing field. Not only are we adults, but we are also teachers. Whether they respect us or not, they still hear what we have to say, and they notice how we feel, and they pay attention to those things . . .

I have not come out to any of my students, nor do I plan to. It's a sad thing that I should even have to consider that question. But I also don't worry about them finding out. There are many ways for that to happen, and I have no interest in guarding myself against someone finding out. Corey and I ran into a student in Target one day. He said "Hi". I said "Hi". Did he know? Maybe. One of them could be reading this journal entry right now, in fact. (Hi.) No big deal. I won't be the first openly gay teacher at our school.

But I also don't feel that my marriage or my sexuality or my opinions about any of the church's teachings should be brought up in class. Not like that.

My job is to help them figure out stuff for themselves, not train them to think like me.

Posted: Tue - September 23, 2003 at 05:15 PM

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A fine line

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