Tempering an ego the size of Montana

Yes. I have a large ego. Extra large. Super-sized, even. And many people will tell you that I enjoy teaching so much because I love being on stage and I love having a captive audience and I love getting attention and so on and so on. Some will even tell you that it's an ego-trip for me.

Most of that is true. I do love all of those things. But it's not what finally got me in the classroom. None of those things are why I became a teacher. And my ego? Yes, it's huge. Yes, I'm sure it gets in the way of my teaching sometimes. And yes, there are moments when I notice myself doing things in class just for the attention. But those times are the exception, not the rule. And they are also not why I became a teacher.

Then why did you become a teacher?

The short answer to that question is simply this: I had no other choice. Sometimes we are lucky enough to see the path out in front of us, be it a blessing or a curse, and to stray from that path is not only unbearable, but (in the long run) impossible. The soul wants what the soul wants. And my soul wants to teach.

And that yearning is what tempers my occasional self-indulgences. When I find myself enjoying the "attention" a little too much, something is always there to remind me about the importance of what I'm doing. The Sacred Trust between me and the thirty young people staring back at me.

Today the "something" was seeing too many students left out of the learning experience. What were they learning while I was enjoying myself teaching their peers? Was I fulfilling my bargain with them?

And today it was being invited to speak this semester to the LGBT group on campus. Some of the students know about my sexuality from reading this journal, and were hoping I would come speak at a meeting. (Yes, I would be honored to come.) I'm humbled by the idea that one student out there might feel a little less alone in the world because of something I did.

When these things happen (and they happen every day) my ego shrinks back down to something closer to the size of my first dorm room in college, and I remember exactly what I'm doing here.

Teaching.

Posted: Thu - January 29, 2004 at 11:25 PM

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Tempering an ego the size of Montana

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