how much to expose?

No, that's not what I meant, but there it is . . . Quite a bit of hoopla over such a little thing, huh? I mean, really. I've seen more skin during a Victoria's Secret commercial. But I gotta tell ya, I'm feeling a little like Janet lately. A little bit like I'm really hanging out there in the wind.

Way back in July when I started this journal, I was really excited about the opportunity to share my life with a community of friends and . . . well, strangers. And that has always been really okay with me. I've enjoyed writing journal entries knowing that they would be read by anywhere from 3 people (my mother, my grandmother, and Corey) to over a hundred each day. (I think the average is in the seventies now.)

Anyway, that's been really exciting. Very cool to think that there are people all over the world who know about me, my students, my family and friends, and the kinds of things that create joy, sadness, frustration, and other such dramas in my life.

But like I said, I'm starting to feel a little bit like Janet.

When I first learned that some students had discovered my journal, I was a little freaked out. Not a little. I was totally freaked out, for a good few days. I was nervous about posting. I think I stuck to very inane things, like book reviews or something. I went through and re-read every single one of my entries, making sure there was nothing that would get me in trouble. I even <GASP> changed a couple of entries, because I didn't want anyone to take my comments too seriously. But after awhile, I calmed down. I have some rules about the journal (like I don't discuss it in the classroom), but other than that, I've gone on blogging just like before.

The last week or so has started to make me feel a little claustrophobic, though. Knowing that there are students and teachers who read this journal, and knowing that people at my other job read this journal, and knowing that my family reads this journal . . . makes it like . . . well, like EVERYONE'S READING MY JOURNAL!

Okay, yeah, that was the point, wasn't it?

I guess so. But I think I'm having some growing pains now. Feeling a little cramped. It's not like I can just write anything I want up here now. I kind of have to be always mindful of the people out there who might be reading. For instance, I'm a little nervous about having Janet up there, her womanhood gracing the top of my journal, but I'm putting my faith in your ability to click your mouse appropriately if you don't like what you see. In fact, you probably have spam that's more graphic than that little picture. But still . . . it makes me nervous. Cramped.

So I think I have some soul-searching to do. What has this journal become? And what do I want it to be? Do I want my right breast hanging out there for everyone to see? If so, what sort of sick, twisted metallic object do I want to pierce the end of it with? And in what kind of musical venue do I wish to share it with others? A sporting event, perhaps? And should I tell the networks first, or just make it a fun little surprise?

Too many questions for a Monday night, I'm afraid . . . (but stay tuned!)

Posted: Mon - February 9, 2004 at 10:15 PM

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how much to expose?

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