thoughtful words from two of my Elders

My grandmother (we call her "Marvel") clipped this guy's column out of the Cleveland Plain Dealer the other day. Click his picture to go to the text of the article. She sent it to me in a real envelope with a lovely, handwritten note inside. By the time I had read both, I was nearly in tears.

I've been thinking about why this little column affected me so much, and I guess it has a lot to do with the author and the audience. I remember seeing Mr. Feagler's face all over the TV and the newspaper when I was growing up. Been around forever. He's a Cleveland institution, it seems. And I guess there's kind of an assumption out there about old newspaper reporters, especially ones from Cleveland. I guess we figure they are all rich, republican, and homophobic. And maybe he fit into that latter category at one time, but he seems to have opened his heart a little and discovered some new things.

Wow. That's really something.

It's not a flag-waving article, and wouldn't raise much of an eyebrow out here in California. But for a guy who's a "Cleveland institution" to be writing this to a Cleveland audience . . . well, that is a big deal. And for my grandmother to go to the trouble to send it to me, along with her own thoughts . . . well, that's a big deal, too. Thank you, Marvel. That was very thoughtful of you. I love you!

It's strange to me that I can be touched so deeply by the words of someone who says nothing more than, "You are fine just the way you are." So strange. Shouldn't I know that already?

Corey and I were talking about churches the other day (yeah, we were talking about churches, okay?) Anyway, we drove by this church we went to one Sunday back during our first year in California. It was a Metropolitan Community Church, which is a Protestant denomination that focuses on outreach to gays and lesbians. Anyway, when I went up to receive communion from the minister, he held out the wafer and said, "You are perfect in God's eyes. God loves you just the way you are, and so do I." Then he put the wafer in my mouth and offered me a hug. I don't know if you'll be able to understand this, but that was one of the most sacred, loving, healing sacraments I've ever received in my life. I've never forgotten it, and never will.

I think we're going to have to deal with the fact, someday, that our culture generates a horrific amount of self-hatred in our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. And while we might all have a "gay friend" or two, treating them nicely just isn't going to cut it. Not when so many things in our daily life send powerful messages of intolerance.

Like the idea (just the freakin' idea) that gay people shouldn't be allowed the right to marry. Do you know what it says to me and my husband that our country is arguing over whether we should have the same rights as everybody else? Or the fact that I go to work with people who are afraid to come out of the closet for fear that they would lose their jobs? All of these things drive home the public sentiment that gay people are not as good as the rest of the people. And maybe it's coming. Maybe people are starting to open their hearts and their minds. Maybe we're on the way to somewhere different, but just not quite there yet.

That's fine. But in the meantime, a whole lot of people are getting hurt by this stuff. Let's not forget that.

Anyway, thank you Marvel. And thank you, Dick Feagler. Your words were very thoughtful and much appreciated.

Posted: Mon - June 21, 2004 at 10:33 PM

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thoughtful words from two of my Elders

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