Why I haven't written (really)

It felt so good to sit down at the keyboard this afternoon and post to this blog. And since it's the end of the year, I found myself flipping back through old blog entries, reading them and getting nostalgic. I noticed that the dates of my postings have gotten more and more sporadic, peppered by a few half-hearted explanations about why they've gotten more and more sporadic.

I remember that I started writing in this journal because I wanted to connect with people, both people I knew and people I'd never met. Yet I had let that connection fade over the last several months. There must be a reason . . .

Well, there is. It's not a complicated one. I simply got scared, so I stopped writing.

Back in the beginning, I had very clear boundaries in my head about what was appropriate and what was not appropriate for this journal. When I lost my job in April (due, in large part, to the content on this website) I found those boundaries had been shaken. My heart was broken after losing my job as a teacher, and I no longer knew what was appropriate for posting. Rather, I was afraid I was going to get "punished" again for writing on my website. So I wrote, but I wrote with hesitance. And eventually I stopped. I let other things in my life take the place of the work I was doing here.

I regret that. Not because a website is more important than other forms of human connection, but because I turned away from this connection out of fear.

Having acknowledged that, I'm ready to move on.

Good to see all of you again.

Posted: Wed - December 29, 2004 at 10:02 PM

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Why I haven't written (really)

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