welcome to my madness . . .

Went juggling this morning, like usual. Then, after seeing a computer client and working for several hours on the house, started feeling tired and lazy. So I went down the park and juggled for another hour.

This is a common thing for me. Not the juggling, but the obsession.

Anyone who has lived with me, and probably anyone who reads this journal every day will notice a certain tendency in me to lose myself in one creative endeavor after another, being pulled into it completely before losing interest and moving on to my next target.

But while I'm in the obsession, I tend to go a little crazy. It's all I talk about. It's all I think about. It's all I write about. It's all I talk about. It's all I talk about. This is unfortunate for those persons who are close to me. And even more unfortunate for Corey, who, due to a recent turn of events was able to legally marry me, but is not yet able to legally divorce me. (Fancy that! Destroying the sanctity of marriage, indeed. Those gays will have the lowest divorce rate in history.)

Not that he would divorce me . . . but let's just say that I'm thankful he can't. Especially when I get in one of my "moods".

Anyway . . . juggling. Having a great time. I'm reminded of how many life lessons are wrapped up in this little activity. Today I remembered the importance of breaking my learning down into very small steps, then setting one achievable goal at a time. Then monitoring my progress all the way through, pushing myself to take the next step, getting back up when I fail, and coming back the next day. All of those are lessons I've forgotten at times since I first learned how to juggle, and it's wonderful to feel them flooding back in.

And this is a good time for those lessons to be coming back, especially considering my uncertain future in teaching. And money sucks right now, thanks to Governor Schwarzenegger and my higher-than-usual state income taxes. I had to pay money for the first time in my life, which totally sucked. And I gotta tell you, nothing makes me more pissed off by this war than having to shell out hundreds of dollars for it. It's a lot easier to ignore when it's just getting skimmed off the top of my paycheck. Now I'm feeling like a rebel, all of a sudden. Now I want to go all "civil disobedience" and not pay my taxes. Interesting little scam our Uncle has going, isn't it?

Some good news today. I finished unpacking and assembling our kitchen today. Fantastic! We've really been needing this to be finished for a long time now. It feels so good to have that part of the house finally put together. And I should finish the living room and dining room this weekend, if I'm lucky. (Then, we'll be able to have Poker Night before too long!)

And today marks the end of spring break for me. It hasn't been a bad week, but it went by awfully quick. And of course it's been punctuated by the sadness I'm feeling over having to say good-bye to my kids at the end of the year. I really was looking forward to seeing them grow into seniors. And I really was looking forward to being part of that family. I already felt like I was, in fact. <sigh>

Celebrating a 50th birthday with a dear friend tomorrow. Send him good wishes, will ya?

G'night!

Posted: Fri - April 16, 2004 at 10:56 PM

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welcome to my madness . . .

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