Photo by John Wardell (Netinho)
Category: Planning
Life is about relationships. At least, it should be. Setting goals to read more books, lose weight, save money, etc., are worthy, but loving others is more worthy. So, this year set relationship goals. Make it your ambition that come next January, you will look back on 2009 and see a marked improvement in your devotion to people, beginning, of course, with Jesus Christ.
For those who say, "Amen Brother!" followed quickly by, "But where do I start?" I'm here to help. Here a few suggestions as to how to go from theory to practice in strengthening relationships.
1. Identify your key relationships.
We all have numerous relationships which require our attention. Some deserve a high level of involvement, time, and effort, others not so much. It is neither wise nor loving to consistently neglect more important relationships for the sake of those lower on the priority list. For example, if my relationships are: disciple of Christ, husband, father, church member, small group member, son, employee, brother, friend, and neighbor, and I spend far more time with friends than my wife, then I am out of line. My wife deserves a higher standing than other friends. And it goes without saying that my most significant relationship must be the Lord Jesus Christ.
2. Determine the most important way you should improve your relationship with each.
Taking some of the relationships listed above as examples, you may conclude something like this:
Disciple of Christ—Know His word better, pray and commune with Him more, etc.
Husband—Cherish my wife more.
Father—Spend time with each child individually on a regular (weekly) basis.
3. Set specific goals to achieve improvement.
Next, you need to establish clear, measurable, achievable goals which will help you accomplish the larger objective. For example:
Knowing the Word
• Study the book of Romans from January through March.
• Read it through once every week. Identify key concepts and repeated themes (by the end of January).
• Purchase a good commentary and read its notes on important passages (by the end of February).
• Schedule an appointment or two with a pastor or knowledgeable friend to discuss the major subjects (by the end of March).
• Pray daily for the Spirit's help in applying the commands and instructions in Romans.
• Establish a similar plan for another biblical book for the next three quarters.
Cherish wife
• Plan weekly date night.
• Find childcare for kids.
• Identify things that wife enjoys and which will be a blessing to her.
• Plan the first 13 dates for January through March.
• Plan creative ways to "invite" wife to each date (emails, hidden notes, calls, letters in mail, etc.).
Spend time with each child individually
• Plan weekly "date" time. (Saturday morning, different child each week).
• Plan a quarter's worth of goals for the dates (Discussing: biblical lessons, schooling, biblical manhood/womanhood, likes and dislikes, fears, friends, and books. Occasionally something fun like a movie or bowling or ice cream or miniature golf.)
4. Set a recurring weekly time (30 min.) to review, evaluate, and plan.
This helps you to stay on track and to determine that you are truly improving the relationships (rather than merely checking things off of your to-do list). Also, use this time to specifically pray for each relationship and ask the Holy Spirit to use you to bless each one.
5. Set a quarterly time (at least one hour) to review, evaluate, and plan.
Use this time to take a wider view of where you have been, identifying those things which were most helpful and least helpful in achieving your goals. Also, acknowledge where you were lazy or negligent and determine how you can overcome these sins during the next quarter. Finally, set your goals and make your plan for the upcoming three months (including the weekly and end-of-quarter review times).
Ultimately, planning in this way will not change your affection toward others. That is heart work which only God's Spirit can do. However, if the genuine desire is present, effective planning may help you move from the road of good intentions to actual progress.