jokearchives-vol08

Arrington Family Press

FAMILY NEWS, STORIES AND PHOTOS

An archival collection of jokes, graphics, video and audio clips, and things that struck me as funny or fun taken from the Daily Joke entries on the Fun page. Most come from my old "joke du jour" email files or have been supplied by friends and family. Some were taken from other sites before I understood attributions (sorry). I do now, and try to include them when I can identify (or remember) the source. Some files are large, so be patient if you have a slow internet connection...

Got feedback? Send your questions, comments and curses to the editor's flunkie. Enjoy!

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January 29, 2007

Got this from Grouchy Old Cripple...

The ill effects of alcohol

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January 24, 2007

Texas Telephone Poll

The latest telephone poll taken by the Office of the Governor of Texas asked whether people who live in Texas think illegal immigration is a serious problem.

35% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem."

65% of respondents answered: "No es una problema serio."

Thanks Ken!

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January 22, 2007

Lip Balm "Kissing" Test

Thanks to Jana and Kip and everyone else who sent this cute prank on... well, just watch.

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January 18, 2007

Dave sent this 2.2 Mb wmv video file...

Great Coke Ad

Reminds me of one of my favorite quotations:

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, 'Wow, what a ride!'"

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January 17, 2007

Cool Person Test

Take this short test to find out if you're a "cool person."

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January 10, 2007

Nuckin' Futs! The JibJab Year in Review

It's time for the Spiridellis brothers' annual video recap of the madness and insanity that plagued the human race over the past twelve months...

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January 8, 2007

Monday Punday

An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant.

The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide.

A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide.

The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred.

Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys.

"Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?"

The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."

Ouch!

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January 5, 2007

An oldie-goldie from Pat...

Union Rules

A dedicated Teamsters' union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he reached to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No," she replied. "I'm sorry, it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered.

Offended at what he considered unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized, shop. His search continued until, at long last, he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why, yes sir, this is a union house."

The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the union man said. Handing the Madam $100, he looked around the room, then pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. "I'd like her," he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam, gesturing to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next."

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January 2, 2007

Proactive Delay...

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December 28, 2006

Blue Collar Xmas

My brother Ken sent this. It's part of the Blue Collar Tour and features Larry the Cable Guy. I may have posted it last year but it's worth a reprise in any event. And it is, after all, still the season and our tree is still up...

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December 27, 2006

More Frosty...

Thanks Pat!

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December 19, 2006

Lori sends this list of...

Rejected Reindeer Names

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December 18, 2006

Outsourcing Santa

Thanks Vic!

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December 15, 2006

Ho Ho Ho

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December 14, 2006

Let it snow...

Thanks James!

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December 13, 2006

This should get you in the holiday spirit...

Let's Moooose Around

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December 13, 2006

A reprise from Barbara...

Polish Moose Hunters

Two Polish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six. As they started loading for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only handle four moose. The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board; he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even at full power, the small plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one Polish man asked the other, "Any idea where we are?"

"Yeah, I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year..."

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December 12, 2006

Your Social Security Check

In this phone gag, comedian Roy Wood Jr. pranks a lady in Alabama about her check and gets a mouthful. Hilarious, but probably NWS.

Thanks Frank!

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December 6, 2006

Restrooms

I went looking for a rest room and found two doors with pictures of dogs on them. I was completely baffled, so I searched out the manager and admitted that I couldn't tell the difference between the male dog and the female dog.

"That's not the idea," the manager smiled and said. "One dog is a 'pointer' and the other is a 'setter'..."

Thanks Barbara!

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December 5, 2006

Discrimi-Nav

This Spike Feresten "Talkshow" skit from Shannan lampoons just about everyone...