Playing a funeral


By: Daniel Date: Mar 12, 2007 - 11:40 AM

My grandfather died in 1986, and being a "sensitive singer-songwriter" in my 20s at the time, I wrote about it. The song is called "I Remember, " and it is a walk through my feelings of losing my grandfather. I got to play it at his funeral. Interesting situation.

Playing my grandfather's funeral was as strange a "gig" as I've ever had. Several things attempted to distract me from gettig through the song in a semi-professional manner.
1) Grandpa was the first person in my experience of my extended family to die, so I was in a little shock and quite sad about it.
2) As I mentioned, the guitar was out of tune, so the practiced, professional side me was trying to figure out how to get in tune without ruining the flow of the song. Failing that, I was trying not to be bothered by it. It was a mosquito in my ear for the seeming eternity of the 4 minutes I was singing and playing.
3) Crying in the audience was out of my general experience of performing. They were glad and moved by my song, but they were not happy to hear it. Depressing people seems counterintuitive to a musician.
4) I was standing in front of the open casket of the first dead person I had ever seen. Talk about distracting! I was sad and had the heebie jeebies at the same time. It's a wonder I made it through the tune at all.

I played "I Remember" a lot over the next couple of days. My uncle wrote me a check for $100.00 by way of saying, "Thank you." My dad still requests it when I visit.

I met my wife a few years later, and months into our relationship her grandfather died. Her family asked me to sing "I Remember" at his funeral, and I readily obliged. (I had some experience singing in front of dead people now.) It was still a little weird. I don't know if it will ever be anything but weird.

What I do know is that even in moments of pain, music allows some transcendency. Like getting all the way through a very long dark tunnel, experiencing music in mourning allows you to go deep into your feelings and come out the other side with a different perspective. It also gives you some other idea or action to focus on, allowing you to remember that life continues despite the loss of a loved one.

Daniel

Posted: Fri - May 4, 2007 at 10:27 AM          

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