Sun - January 28, 2007
So Long, Farewell...
Yes, it's that time again. Time for my annual,
"I can't continue to put the details of my children's life up on the internet!"
crisis of conscience.
Last year, I went through the same thing....and ended up just putting a password on the blog.
But this year, I think I'm stopping for good. (but stay tuned....I change my mind. often.)
You see, Dana is an incredibly bright, sensitive, PRIVATE child. She doesn't like it when I share stories of her with anyone. I still share them, I'm her mother....that's my right. But somehow sharing them on the internet just feels wrong. Even with the password. I don't know why. As she gets older, it's just not as easy to do.
So, my plan is to do a weekly "what's up with the kids" email for any family/friends who are actually interested in this mindless drivel. (Hi Mom!) Email me at kpnelson (at) mac.com to get on the distribution list.
I'm going to miss it. I love to write about my kids. But I guess I'm not quite part of the "mySpace" generation, after all. But hey - if you wait 12 years, you can probably read Davis' blog and it will surely be more interesting than this!
Last year, I went through the same thing....and ended up just putting a password on the blog.
But this year, I think I'm stopping for good. (but stay tuned....I change my mind. often.)
You see, Dana is an incredibly bright, sensitive, PRIVATE child. She doesn't like it when I share stories of her with anyone. I still share them, I'm her mother....that's my right. But somehow sharing them on the internet just feels wrong. Even with the password. I don't know why. As she gets older, it's just not as easy to do.
So, my plan is to do a weekly "what's up with the kids" email for any family/friends who are actually interested in this mindless drivel. (Hi Mom!) Email me at kpnelson (at) mac.com to get on the distribution list.
I'm going to miss it. I love to write about my kids. But I guess I'm not quite part of the "mySpace" generation, after all. But hey - if you wait 12 years, you can probably read Davis' blog and it will surely be more interesting than this!
Posted at 08:15 PM
Mon - October 2, 2006
Hell in a Handbasket
You know that the world is going to hell when
Arlen Specter is the only one in power fighting for the Constitution. McCain???
Where are you??? I was counting on you. We don't get to change the
constitution on a whim. If a particular president doesn't like it - he doesn't
get to change it. That's not how our country
works.
And you know the world is going to hell when Dennis Hastert feels that protecting a sexual predator is a good idea. (I read some of the Foley stuff...and I immediately wanted to erase it from my memory and take a shower. Ick, ick, double ick.) Who puts politics above morals in this type of situation? (OK, maybe other politicians do - but he's the most recent. At least Clinton harassed interns who were over the age of consent instead of underage pages...ick, ick, ick.)
And when Frist thinks that the Taliban are really great guys and should run the government of Afghanistan. Hey - maybe they are just misunderstood? It worked so well in the early 90s. Let's try Taliban rule again! (Does this man read ANY history? Does anyone in this administration read any history???)
Lately, I can't shake the suspicion that I am smarter than our current leader. Which is just horribly wrong, because, frankly - I'm not that smart. Well-read perhaps, but not terribly clever.
Add a few school shootings to the mix, and a mismanaged war with thousands and thousands of unnecessary casualties and there is just not much good news these days.
Last night in the bath, Dana was telling Davis the following:
"George Washington was our first president. He was a very good man. He is on the dollar. That is what we get for our allowance. He was in a war for us to be a country. He was honest. Our president now is also a George. But he won't go in any wars. He sends other people. I don't think he is honest like the first George."
I swear I have not coached this child....she must be picking it up at school? This is Madison, after all.
And you know the world is going to hell when Dennis Hastert feels that protecting a sexual predator is a good idea. (I read some of the Foley stuff...and I immediately wanted to erase it from my memory and take a shower. Ick, ick, double ick.) Who puts politics above morals in this type of situation? (OK, maybe other politicians do - but he's the most recent. At least Clinton harassed interns who were over the age of consent instead of underage pages...ick, ick, ick.)
And when Frist thinks that the Taliban are really great guys and should run the government of Afghanistan. Hey - maybe they are just misunderstood? It worked so well in the early 90s. Let's try Taliban rule again! (Does this man read ANY history? Does anyone in this administration read any history???)
Lately, I can't shake the suspicion that I am smarter than our current leader. Which is just horribly wrong, because, frankly - I'm not that smart. Well-read perhaps, but not terribly clever.
Add a few school shootings to the mix, and a mismanaged war with thousands and thousands of unnecessary casualties and there is just not much good news these days.
Last night in the bath, Dana was telling Davis the following:
"George Washington was our first president. He was a very good man. He is on the dollar. That is what we get for our allowance. He was in a war for us to be a country. He was honest. Our president now is also a George. But he won't go in any wars. He sends other people. I don't think he is honest like the first George."
I swear I have not coached this child....she must be picking it up at school? This is Madison, after all.
Posted at 09:04 PM
Sun - August 20, 2006
sad phone call
I just got a call from the 4th D. She's moving.
To Chicago. Her mother has been threatening to move for the last 9 years, so
I've never taken it seriously before. But now, it's serious. They have a new
apartment. They are leaving on the
31st.
Next month, it will be 10 years since we were first matched up in the "Big Sisters" program. She was 6. I was 28. I had no children and lived in an apartment. I had just bought my first car. She was in Kindergarten. (Oh my, that seems like a lifetime ago.)
I worry how we will keep in touch. I don't know facts, but I suspect the reason they are moving is that they no longer qualify for section 8 housing subsidies here. They used to be a family of 6....now they are a family of 3 (Her older siblings turned 18 and moved out.) Family size is a big deal in those sorts of things.
In Madison, she's in this fantastic alternative high school. Her teacher is a neighbor of mine and I've gotten regular updates throughout the year. I shudder to think of her being thrown into the Chicago public school system as a sophomore. Hopefully, they'll be able to find a good school for her.
I see her more than I see most of my friends. I spend more time with her than I do with my "real" sister or my parents. This is going to be hard. Very hard.
In happier news, Doug has started a blog:
http://web.mac.com/dnelson1822
username: Kristen
password: Nelson
It is sure to have many more photos, movies, and podcasts than mine! And much better graphics.
Next month, it will be 10 years since we were first matched up in the "Big Sisters" program. She was 6. I was 28. I had no children and lived in an apartment. I had just bought my first car. She was in Kindergarten. (Oh my, that seems like a lifetime ago.)
I worry how we will keep in touch. I don't know facts, but I suspect the reason they are moving is that they no longer qualify for section 8 housing subsidies here. They used to be a family of 6....now they are a family of 3 (Her older siblings turned 18 and moved out.) Family size is a big deal in those sorts of things.
In Madison, she's in this fantastic alternative high school. Her teacher is a neighbor of mine and I've gotten regular updates throughout the year. I shudder to think of her being thrown into the Chicago public school system as a sophomore. Hopefully, they'll be able to find a good school for her.
I see her more than I see most of my friends. I spend more time with her than I do with my "real" sister or my parents. This is going to be hard. Very hard.
In happier news, Doug has started a blog:
http://web.mac.com/dnelson1822
username: Kristen
password: Nelson
It is sure to have many more photos, movies, and podcasts than mine! And much better graphics.
Posted at 09:41 PM Read More
Fri - June 2, 2006
Whoops
The NYTimes featured an article about our school system earlier this
week. Called us the "food police." In particular, the author attacked a new
policy of only serving one slice of Pizza Hut Pizza on Pizza Hut Day. In the
past, children have been able to purchase a second
slice.
Our little PTO group decided to do away with the second slice months ago. (before the whole District adopted the policy.) 60% of our school qualifies for "reduced lunch" which means that they need help paying for that first slice of pizza. When it came time to line up for the second slice, it became a clear divider of the "haves" and the "have-nots". The white middle class kids all got in line with their extra $2 to get another slice. The reduced lunch kids (predominantly non-white) all sat in their seats and looked on in envy.
We decided that wasn't good. And really - does any elementary school kid actually *need* two slices of greasy pizza hut pizza? Especially since it is served with fruit and carrots. It more than covers their lunch time nutritional needs. So we did away with the second slice.
The NYTimes said we were the "food police."
So I wrote back. I wrote an impassioned 493 word letter explaining the whole situation.
They wrote me back and said I had to express my opinions in 150 words or less.
I wrote them back with another impassioned 187 word letter. (Do you have any idea how hard it is to express oneself in 150 words? I couldn't do it. Besides, I knew that they'd never publish a letter from someone like me, so I wasn't worried about fitting their requirements.)
But evidently the science editor at the NYTimes had no problem cutting out 37 of my words. He sent me an edited version of my letter (exactly 150 words - how did he do that?) and they are going to print it.
Whoops. I'm just banking on the fact that no one in Wisconsin reads the NYtimes except me....
Our little PTO group decided to do away with the second slice months ago. (before the whole District adopted the policy.) 60% of our school qualifies for "reduced lunch" which means that they need help paying for that first slice of pizza. When it came time to line up for the second slice, it became a clear divider of the "haves" and the "have-nots". The white middle class kids all got in line with their extra $2 to get another slice. The reduced lunch kids (predominantly non-white) all sat in their seats and looked on in envy.
We decided that wasn't good. And really - does any elementary school kid actually *need* two slices of greasy pizza hut pizza? Especially since it is served with fruit and carrots. It more than covers their lunch time nutritional needs. So we did away with the second slice.
The NYTimes said we were the "food police."
So I wrote back. I wrote an impassioned 493 word letter explaining the whole situation.
They wrote me back and said I had to express my opinions in 150 words or less.
I wrote them back with another impassioned 187 word letter. (Do you have any idea how hard it is to express oneself in 150 words? I couldn't do it. Besides, I knew that they'd never publish a letter from someone like me, so I wasn't worried about fitting their requirements.)
But evidently the science editor at the NYTimes had no problem cutting out 37 of my words. He sent me an edited version of my letter (exactly 150 words - how did he do that?) and they are going to print it.
Whoops. I'm just banking on the fact that no one in Wisconsin reads the NYtimes except me....
Posted at 09:24 AM
Mon - April 24, 2006
Literary Review
My bookclub is reading Don Quixote. I'm trying.
Really, I'm trying. The person who hosts gets to pick the book. I thrust "Anna
Karenina" on the group last time, so I'm partially to blame for the trend to
read long, classic, difficult books. But Cervantes is proving to be too much
for me. How many windmills can you fight,
really?
So instead of reading Cervantes, I surf the web for lighter reading.
Caitlin Flanagan drives me crazy. So crazy that I may even buy her book: "To Hell With All That: Loving and Loathing Our Inner Housewife" and read it just to go more crazy.
Salon did a fine review:
http://www.salon.com/books/review/2006/04/12/flanagan/
It's not her message that makes me crazy. It's her "do as I say, not as I do" mentality. Here is a woman who had a full time nanny for her kids, housekeeping help, cooking help and her very own "personal organizer" assistant. She writes books and magazine articles...but claims that in all families, the woman should be home at all times and do all the housework and make a hot meal every night.
She can't have it both ways. She can't leave her kids with a nanny while her housekeeper cleans her house and then say that the only family model that works is that of a "working-dad/stay-at-home-mom." What kind of fantasy world does she live in???
So instead of reading Cervantes, I surf the web for lighter reading.
Caitlin Flanagan drives me crazy. So crazy that I may even buy her book: "To Hell With All That: Loving and Loathing Our Inner Housewife" and read it just to go more crazy.
Salon did a fine review:
http://www.salon.com/books/review/2006/04/12/flanagan/
It's not her message that makes me crazy. It's her "do as I say, not as I do" mentality. Here is a woman who had a full time nanny for her kids, housekeeping help, cooking help and her very own "personal organizer" assistant. She writes books and magazine articles...but claims that in all families, the woman should be home at all times and do all the housework and make a hot meal every night.
She can't have it both ways. She can't leave her kids with a nanny while her housekeeper cleans her house and then say that the only family model that works is that of a "working-dad/stay-at-home-mom." What kind of fantasy world does she live in???
Posted at 09:19 PM
Sun - January 1, 2006
So far, so good
On the first day of this new year, I received the
following letter from my daughter:
"To Mommy - I love you I hop you had a Happy Nou Yer. Love Dana."
"To Mommy - I love you I hop you had a Happy Nou Yer. Love Dana."
Posted at 08:12 PM
Sat - December 3, 2005
Not in my zip code, you don't
"Gen X" parents like me often hear from our "Baby
Boomer" relatives that our children's lives are so much less free than our own
childhood was. We got to ride our bikes though the neighborhood and disappear
into the woods for hours at a time. "We wouldn't see you all day - until dinner
time!," we hear.
That is not the life our children will lead. It is no longer socially acceptable to allow your child to disappear for an hour - never mind all day.
I blame two things: the internet and Oprah.
There is a website where I can see every sex offender listed in our zip code. There are 159 of them in our particular zip code. 159 sex offenders. Almost all are men who have had sex with children. (and most of them are repeat offenders.)
The website gives their name and address. It also shows a photo of what they look like. And then it describes their offenses.
I *know* I shouldn't read it. I know I shouldn't look up each one of them. But I do. (Is this the same instinct that makes us peer at a car wreck as we drive by?)
I found 25 that live within 6-7 blocks of Dana's elementary school. Twenty-five men who have had sex with children (and have been caught) live a short little jaunt from my daughter's school.
This is information that parents in the generation preceding us never had to live with. I'm sure the data hasn't changed so much in 30 years - I'm sure there have always been bad men who did awful things. But our parents didn't KNOW. They couldn't look at a color picture of a man on the internet and wonder if that was the same man they saw lingering at the playground a few days ago.
As for Oprah: she was sexually abused as a child. She has made it her personal mission to use her great media power to help catch other sex offenders. And she's done it. She has dedicated whole shows to sexually abused children. (And has caught quite a few offenders in the process.) I watch these shows like I read the 'WI offender listing by zip code' on the internet: with horror. Absolute horror...but I can't look away. I can't pretend it isn't happening. I need to watch and listen.
It is sad that our children won't have the same opportunities to take off and be free and unstructured and alone. It is very sad.
But these are the same kids that have to put a helmet on every time they ride their bike. (not to mention the car seats and the vaccinations and the flu shots and the flame retardant pajamas and going to daycare.) Their lives are already different from my childhood in so many ways.
The trick will be to find a way to give them freedom and unstructured time....without exposing them to danger. I wish I knew exactly how to balance that. It's not a problem now - the kids don't ever want to be away from me. (And frankly, at this point, they have a lot more freedom than most of their peers.) But in a few years - when they want to stretch their wings....how will we respond? I honestly don't know.
I'm starting to understand why people move away from our city and into the lily-while, all-middle-class, sex-offender-less suburbs. (Yes, they are - I checked. Our zip code has 159. Theirs has 3.) But I know that is not the answer for us. I don't really want to raise my children in a zip code where all the bad things in life are simply ignored and escaped from. But I am starting to understand the origins of the fear that leads people to make that choice.
I think I'm just going to have to stop reading that website.
That is not the life our children will lead. It is no longer socially acceptable to allow your child to disappear for an hour - never mind all day.
I blame two things: the internet and Oprah.
There is a website where I can see every sex offender listed in our zip code. There are 159 of them in our particular zip code. 159 sex offenders. Almost all are men who have had sex with children. (and most of them are repeat offenders.)
The website gives their name and address. It also shows a photo of what they look like. And then it describes their offenses.
I *know* I shouldn't read it. I know I shouldn't look up each one of them. But I do. (Is this the same instinct that makes us peer at a car wreck as we drive by?)
I found 25 that live within 6-7 blocks of Dana's elementary school. Twenty-five men who have had sex with children (and have been caught) live a short little jaunt from my daughter's school.
This is information that parents in the generation preceding us never had to live with. I'm sure the data hasn't changed so much in 30 years - I'm sure there have always been bad men who did awful things. But our parents didn't KNOW. They couldn't look at a color picture of a man on the internet and wonder if that was the same man they saw lingering at the playground a few days ago.
As for Oprah: she was sexually abused as a child. She has made it her personal mission to use her great media power to help catch other sex offenders. And she's done it. She has dedicated whole shows to sexually abused children. (And has caught quite a few offenders in the process.) I watch these shows like I read the 'WI offender listing by zip code' on the internet: with horror. Absolute horror...but I can't look away. I can't pretend it isn't happening. I need to watch and listen.
It is sad that our children won't have the same opportunities to take off and be free and unstructured and alone. It is very sad.
But these are the same kids that have to put a helmet on every time they ride their bike. (not to mention the car seats and the vaccinations and the flu shots and the flame retardant pajamas and going to daycare.) Their lives are already different from my childhood in so many ways.
The trick will be to find a way to give them freedom and unstructured time....without exposing them to danger. I wish I knew exactly how to balance that. It's not a problem now - the kids don't ever want to be away from me. (And frankly, at this point, they have a lot more freedom than most of their peers.) But in a few years - when they want to stretch their wings....how will we respond? I honestly don't know.
I'm starting to understand why people move away from our city and into the lily-while, all-middle-class, sex-offender-less suburbs. (Yes, they are - I checked. Our zip code has 159. Theirs has 3.) But I know that is not the answer for us. I don't really want to raise my children in a zip code where all the bad things in life are simply ignored and escaped from. But I am starting to understand the origins of the fear that leads people to make that choice.
I think I'm just going to have to stop reading that website.
Posted at 10:09 PM
Thu - December 1, 2005
The article that everyone else is writing about...
I've been trying not to write about
it.
This article about how women who don't work full time are ruining feminism
It's long...but worth reading.
Why should I write about it when so many others have done a much more eloquent job?
11D
APL
Literary Mama
But I can't help myself. Most of her argument, I simply find ridiculous: Marry a liberal, younger, not-too-bright, poor man and only have one child....(Supposedly, if you "marry down" and don't reproduce too much, you'll be able to reach the enlightenment of the feminist goals.)
But this is the part that bugs me the most:
This article about how women who don't work full time are ruining feminism
It's long...but worth reading.
Why should I write about it when so many others have done a much more eloquent job?
11D
APL
Literary Mama
But I can't help myself. Most of her argument, I simply find ridiculous: Marry a liberal, younger, not-too-bright, poor man and only have one child....(Supposedly, if you "marry down" and don't reproduce too much, you'll be able to reach the enlightenment of the feminist goals.)
But this is the part that bugs me the most:
"The best way to treat work seriously is
to find the money. Money is the marker of success in a market economy; it
usually accompanies power, and it enables the bearer to wield power, including
within the family."
This is wrong on so many levels - I
don't know where to start. Greed is the answer? Maybe to Cheney and his
cronies...but not for the rest of us.
I would think that modern-day feminism
would look at someone like me and say, "Wow - we made it!" I am working in a
challenging job that I love - but I'm only in the office about 20-24 hours/week.
I do the rest of my work at night - after the children are in bed. Or on the
weekend, while they can hang out with their dad.
The kids benefit: They have a
completely reasonable amount of childcare (and now Dana has none - I'm home for
her after school every single day.) Other than that 20-24 hours/week - they
have a mother who is home with them.
I benefit: I earn money and I'm
challenged intellectually and have a satisfying job.
Doug benefits: Although he is
certainly the primary breadwinner, there is a lot less pressure on him. We know
that if his company ever moves to Jupiter...I could easily get a full time job
and support the family
My company benefits: They get a great
employee with undying loyalty. They have been so amazingly flexible for me that
I would never leave. They will have to push me out the door. I love my job and
I'd do almost anything for them.
The government benefits: I pay taxes.
(lots of taxes....)
My marriage benefits: Because I'm
working, Doug is forced to do things that many other dads don't do. On many
mornings, he's alone with the kids. He's the one finding the library books and
making the lunches and finding the matching socks and missing snowpants. He's
the one getting breakfast on the table and making sure teeth are brushed and
beds are (sometimes) made. He's the one strapping them into the car seats and
getting everyone where they need to be.
How can you not be madly in love with
a man who can do all that? At 7:30 am on a Monday morning, no
less?
But, because I'm not working
full-time....he doesn't
have
to do this every day. He's only on morning duty 1-2 days/week. And if he has
an important meeting or has a trip...it's OK. I have the flexibility to take
extra days off. Or skip meetings. Or work from home.
But according to Linda Hirshorn, I'm
"leading a lessor life" than my compatriots working the 80 hour work-week and
pulling in the six figure income.
The only thing I haven't figured out
yet is sleep. Between being home for my kids as much as possible and doing as
much work as I can after they go to bed....(and my nasty habit of going running
at 6 am)....there's not much time for sleep.
If the feminists like Linda really
want us to work more, they are just going to have to add a few hours into the
night - so that us "lower caste" mamas can get some sleep...
Posted at 10:22 PM
Mon - November 21, 2005
And now we are Six...
Dear
Dana,
We had your six-year-old check-up today. As usual, you are at the 85th percentile for height and weight. I asked if there was any correlation between childhood height and adult height. The nurse answered, "Well, I'd predict Dana will be about 5'10" - maybe 5'11 - but she'll definitely be taller than you are."
That one little off-the-cuff statement completely (and unexpectedly) knocked the wind out of me. I had to catch my breath before we could continue with the appointment.
I'd prepared myself for the fact that Davis would be different from me - taller, bigger, stronger.
But you - the daughter I always wanted - I really, in my heart, thought you and I would be the same.
You turned 6 yesterday. And I'm proud to say that you have already started proving me wrong. Lately, you are blossoming into your very own person. Our interests aren't the same - not even close. You love all things related to math and science and animals and dinosaurs. (Let's just say none of those interests ever made my top-ten list.)
Physically, we are nothing like each other. You have that golden-blonde perfectly straight, shiny hair that I have envied all my life. Your body is athletic and strong. We ran a one mile race together last month and you beat me. Fair and square. Me - the marathon running mom - I honestly had trouble keeping up with you. You are fast, my dear child. And gorgeous too -
I'm scattered and always doing 5 things at once. If there was a diagnosis for "ADD for adults," I fear they'd nab me immediately. But not you - you have the concentration of a wise old owl. You will sit yourself down with pen and paper and I won't hear from you for an hour. Finally, I'll check on you and you'll show me your work, "Look mama, I wrote all the numbers from one to a thousand!" Just for fun - you do that - just for fun.
You are exact. You are literal. You are precise. I'm none of those things. (Just ask your father...)
I didn't think it was possible - but each year, I fall a little bit more in love with you. You remind me so much of your father and of my mother and even my sister. Sometimes I feel like I was just the sacred carrier - you didn't get any of my genes, necessarily, I just was the blessed vessel to transport the rest of the family's genes to you.
I realize that over the next decade, this mother-daughter journey of ours will not always be so idyllic. As you separate from my ties and become your own person, our differences will not always be so charming. But in these brief moments that I see now - these fleeting glimpses of the woman that you will become...I find hope. Because Dana, you may not realize this when you are 13 or 16, but I absolutely adore you with every cell in my body. I love you so much that a passing comment from a nurse we see once a year can send my whole world into a tailspin.
And if you do get taller than me - you can NOT borrow my clothes.
We had your six-year-old check-up today. As usual, you are at the 85th percentile for height and weight. I asked if there was any correlation between childhood height and adult height. The nurse answered, "Well, I'd predict Dana will be about 5'10" - maybe 5'11 - but she'll definitely be taller than you are."
That one little off-the-cuff statement completely (and unexpectedly) knocked the wind out of me. I had to catch my breath before we could continue with the appointment.
I'd prepared myself for the fact that Davis would be different from me - taller, bigger, stronger.
But you - the daughter I always wanted - I really, in my heart, thought you and I would be the same.
You turned 6 yesterday. And I'm proud to say that you have already started proving me wrong. Lately, you are blossoming into your very own person. Our interests aren't the same - not even close. You love all things related to math and science and animals and dinosaurs. (Let's just say none of those interests ever made my top-ten list.)
Physically, we are nothing like each other. You have that golden-blonde perfectly straight, shiny hair that I have envied all my life. Your body is athletic and strong. We ran a one mile race together last month and you beat me. Fair and square. Me - the marathon running mom - I honestly had trouble keeping up with you. You are fast, my dear child. And gorgeous too -
I'm scattered and always doing 5 things at once. If there was a diagnosis for "ADD for adults," I fear they'd nab me immediately. But not you - you have the concentration of a wise old owl. You will sit yourself down with pen and paper and I won't hear from you for an hour. Finally, I'll check on you and you'll show me your work, "Look mama, I wrote all the numbers from one to a thousand!" Just for fun - you do that - just for fun.
You are exact. You are literal. You are precise. I'm none of those things. (Just ask your father...)
I didn't think it was possible - but each year, I fall a little bit more in love with you. You remind me so much of your father and of my mother and even my sister. Sometimes I feel like I was just the sacred carrier - you didn't get any of my genes, necessarily, I just was the blessed vessel to transport the rest of the family's genes to you.
I realize that over the next decade, this mother-daughter journey of ours will not always be so idyllic. As you separate from my ties and become your own person, our differences will not always be so charming. But in these brief moments that I see now - these fleeting glimpses of the woman that you will become...I find hope. Because Dana, you may not realize this when you are 13 or 16, but I absolutely adore you with every cell in my body. I love you so much that a passing comment from a nurse we see once a year can send my whole world into a tailspin.
And if you do get taller than me - you can NOT borrow my clothes.
Posted at 09:55 PM
Wed - July 20, 2005
finally, a parenting book I like
When daughter D was born, I gobbled up parenting
books and theories like they were candy. I was so convinced that some expert
would be able to give me pointers on how to parent. By the time son D was born,
all the books were donated to the library as I came to the conclusion that my
instincts were more than enough. I don't read any of the hit parenting books, I
don't go to any of the hot parenting classes, I don't subscribe to any parenting
magazines.
But today...today, I listened to "Freakonomics " on my iPod as I drove to Chicago for a meeting.
The authors, Steven/Stephen Levitt/Dubner, are brilliant.
Sure, they oversimplify a few things. And they make a blanket assumption that you can measure "how a child turns out" by their standardized test scores. But hey, they are economists. Economists like to measure everything. (Why do you think I run with my heart rate monitor constantly? I need a measurement. After 8 years of studying economics, some of it stuck.)
It's their chapters on parenting that really struck a chord with me. They simultaneously present data...and back-handedly make fun of the current generation of obsessed parents.
According to them, certain things matter a lot in how children turn out (measured via test scores) and certain things don't matter at all.
--Giving birth after the age of 30 to your first child: Matters. (Phew, I just barely qualified for that one.)
--Having a mother who works outside the home: Doesn't matter. (I agree wholeheartedly on that one, though I would be hard pressed to find the energy or organizational skills to work full time at this point.)
--TV watching: Doesn't matter. (I disagree on this one....but I have no data, so no argument.)
--Education level of Mother/Father: Matters (I knew I got that Masters for something!)
--Taking your child to museums and reading lots of books to them: Doesn't matter
--Having a house full of books: Matters
--Family structure (divorced, two mothers, single parents): Doesn't matter (when all other variables are equal)
--Parents who are involved in the children's school: Matters.
They also mention speaking English in the home (matters), not having a low birth weight child (matters) and head start (doesn't matter.)
So, according to the Freak Economists, I'm doing everything right to raise children who score highly on standardized test scores.
What I question is whether high standardized math and reading scores have a direct correlation to finding meaning and happiness in life. And those tests don't measure creativity, which is something that I think is greatly enhanced by reading books/visiting museums and greatly suppressed by sitting in front of the TV for hours.
But, overall, a good read. (or should I say listen?)
But today...today, I listened to "Freakonomics " on my iPod as I drove to Chicago for a meeting.
The authors, Steven/Stephen Levitt/Dubner, are brilliant.
Sure, they oversimplify a few things. And they make a blanket assumption that you can measure "how a child turns out" by their standardized test scores. But hey, they are economists. Economists like to measure everything. (Why do you think I run with my heart rate monitor constantly? I need a measurement. After 8 years of studying economics, some of it stuck.)
It's their chapters on parenting that really struck a chord with me. They simultaneously present data...and back-handedly make fun of the current generation of obsessed parents.
According to them, certain things matter a lot in how children turn out (measured via test scores) and certain things don't matter at all.
--Giving birth after the age of 30 to your first child: Matters. (Phew, I just barely qualified for that one.)
--Having a mother who works outside the home: Doesn't matter. (I agree wholeheartedly on that one, though I would be hard pressed to find the energy or organizational skills to work full time at this point.)
--TV watching: Doesn't matter. (I disagree on this one....but I have no data, so no argument.)
--Education level of Mother/Father: Matters (I knew I got that Masters for something!)
--Taking your child to museums and reading lots of books to them: Doesn't matter
--Having a house full of books: Matters
--Family structure (divorced, two mothers, single parents): Doesn't matter (when all other variables are equal)
--Parents who are involved in the children's school: Matters.
They also mention speaking English in the home (matters), not having a low birth weight child (matters) and head start (doesn't matter.)
So, according to the Freak Economists, I'm doing everything right to raise children who score highly on standardized test scores.
What I question is whether high standardized math and reading scores have a direct correlation to finding meaning and happiness in life. And those tests don't measure creativity, which is something that I think is greatly enhanced by reading books/visiting museums and greatly suppressed by sitting in front of the TV for hours.
But, overall, a good read. (or should I say listen?)
Posted at 09:48 PM
Thu - July 7, 2005
People who write much better than I do on this very sad day.
Phantom Scribbler
Angry Pregnant Lawyer
11D
and one that really made me think is here: (found through Geeky Mom )
michaelberube.com (by John McGowen)
Here in Wisconsin, halfway around the world, my 2 year old son decided he didn't want to sleep with a stuffed animal tonight. Instead, he wanted to sleep with one of his cars. This, in itself, is not unusual. But he dug through his box of cars and with no prompting from me, chose the bright red double-decker bus that his grandfather brought back from London for his father sometime in the 1970s. As I type, he is curled up with it in his pudgy little fingers, sleeping peacefully.
My heart goes out to the city of London tonight, where I imagine the sleep is less than peaceful.
Angry Pregnant Lawyer
11D
and one that really made me think is here: (found through Geeky Mom )
michaelberube.com (by John McGowen)
Here in Wisconsin, halfway around the world, my 2 year old son decided he didn't want to sleep with a stuffed animal tonight. Instead, he wanted to sleep with one of his cars. This, in itself, is not unusual. But he dug through his box of cars and with no prompting from me, chose the bright red double-decker bus that his grandfather brought back from London for his father sometime in the 1970s. As I type, he is curled up with it in his pudgy little fingers, sleeping peacefully.
My heart goes out to the city of London tonight, where I imagine the sleep is less than peaceful.
Posted at 10:04 PM
Tue - May 24, 2005
Hope is the thing with feathers
Tonight was the final night of meetings to decide
"yes" or "no" for the preschool in the new building. And they decided......
"Maybe."
I'm thrilled because I was expecting "no."
But they are going to look at one more building design which may be able to incorporate the preschool, and fit their budget. It will take a lot more convincing and a lot more communication and many more compromises. But it is a potential possibility. I never thought we'd get this far.
So, it looks like I'll have another few weeks/months of the "FUMP diet" - no dinner because you are in meetings with a zillion different committees....and no sleep because you are up all night worrying....
bad for the soul. great for the waistline. (complete with dark circles under the eyes!)
I'm thrilled because I was expecting "no."
But they are going to look at one more building design which may be able to incorporate the preschool, and fit their budget. It will take a lot more convincing and a lot more communication and many more compromises. But it is a potential possibility. I never thought we'd get this far.
So, it looks like I'll have another few weeks/months of the "FUMP diet" - no dinner because you are in meetings with a zillion different committees....and no sleep because you are up all night worrying....
bad for the soul. great for the waistline. (complete with dark circles under the eyes!)
Posted at 09:34 PM
Thu - May 5, 2005
The economics of shopping
No preschool post today, I
promise.
The other thing that is keeping me up nights is US politicians' complete inability to understand China. Now that my husband spends so much time in China, I've been more and more intrigued by our relationship with the country.
International herald tribune
and
Newsweek
and
Taipei Times
Democrat Charles Schumer (along with a group of Republicans) wants to impose a 25% surcharge on Chinese imports. But he doesn't *really* want us to have to pay 25% more for goods from Walmart. No. Not at all. Really, he wants China to voluntarily revalue their currency so that the bilateral trade imbalance will *poof* go away.
Yes, the yaun is undervalued. That's obvious. And I'm all for trade negotiations and multilateral agreements. It's in China's best interest to revalue the yuan. The aim is good...it's the means that stink.
Why threaten with something we don't really want to happen?
I can just see the lobbyists coming out of the woodwork for that one. It would be an interesting coalition. Free Trade advocates like myself....and Walmart. Oh boy. Politics makes strange bedfellows, indeed.
I guess Charles and his Senate cronies never had a two year old. They never learned that when you say "If you don't eat that carrot, nobody gets dessert!"...well, you'd better be prepared to not get dessert, yourself. Or if you say, "No TV show until your room is picked up" to your five year old...you may very well be kissing goodbye that 20 minutes of TV-induced peace and quiet you'd looked forward to.
Threats: they only work if you are willing to go through with them. This is true in parenting and it is true in international diplomacy.
Let's just say for the sake of argument that we DO impose a 25% surcharge on Chinese goods. I suspect China would stop buying US Treasury Bonds in retaliation. Right now, they are buying those puppies up like there's no tomorrow. Helps keep our interest rates down, no? Low interest rates = cheap home equity loan = lots of spending money to buy that new lawn tractor at Walmart.
What if, just for argument's sake, we could just help curb American consumers demand for cheap imports? What if, say, we all started to SHOP LOCALLY. What if we went to the local bookstore for books and music instead of the big chain? Or the independent toy store instead of that monstrosity otherwise known as Toys R Us? What if we shopped at the local food coop instead of the huge Super-Walmart? What if we bought our clothes at the second hand store down the street instead of the mall? There are a million shopping choices we all make every day that could have great impact on this situation. (Not to mention the environmental and community benefits of local shopping....but that's another post.)
And what if, instead of refinancing our house and buying that great big SUV...we bought US Treasury Bonds instead? What if we invested our savings into our own country?
If we could decrease our demand for cheap foreign imports - we'd slowly lose the trade deficit with China.
If we could increase the US savings rate - we could stop depending on China and other Asian investors to support our economy. (I refuse to look up how much North Korea is pumping into our economy....I just don't want to even know that information.)
I just think that instead of making idiotic threats, we should look at our own behavior, as well. We can blame China all we want for the trade imbalance. But nobody made us buy all that crap. We did that ourselves. I think a shift in US consumer and investment patterns would make all the difference in the world. Bet we'd see that yuan revalued, anyway.
As long as I can still shop at Target. And Ann Taylor. That's all I ask.
The other thing that is keeping me up nights is US politicians' complete inability to understand China. Now that my husband spends so much time in China, I've been more and more intrigued by our relationship with the country.
International herald tribune
and
Newsweek
and
Taipei Times
Democrat Charles Schumer (along with a group of Republicans) wants to impose a 25% surcharge on Chinese imports. But he doesn't *really* want us to have to pay 25% more for goods from Walmart. No. Not at all. Really, he wants China to voluntarily revalue their currency so that the bilateral trade imbalance will *poof* go away.
Yes, the yaun is undervalued. That's obvious. And I'm all for trade negotiations and multilateral agreements. It's in China's best interest to revalue the yuan. The aim is good...it's the means that stink.
Why threaten with something we don't really want to happen?
I can just see the lobbyists coming out of the woodwork for that one. It would be an interesting coalition. Free Trade advocates like myself....and Walmart. Oh boy. Politics makes strange bedfellows, indeed.
I guess Charles and his Senate cronies never had a two year old. They never learned that when you say "If you don't eat that carrot, nobody gets dessert!"...well, you'd better be prepared to not get dessert, yourself. Or if you say, "No TV show until your room is picked up" to your five year old...you may very well be kissing goodbye that 20 minutes of TV-induced peace and quiet you'd looked forward to.
Threats: they only work if you are willing to go through with them. This is true in parenting and it is true in international diplomacy.
Let's just say for the sake of argument that we DO impose a 25% surcharge on Chinese goods. I suspect China would stop buying US Treasury Bonds in retaliation. Right now, they are buying those puppies up like there's no tomorrow. Helps keep our interest rates down, no? Low interest rates = cheap home equity loan = lots of spending money to buy that new lawn tractor at Walmart.
What if, just for argument's sake, we could just help curb American consumers demand for cheap imports? What if, say, we all started to SHOP LOCALLY. What if we went to the local bookstore for books and music instead of the big chain? Or the independent toy store instead of that monstrosity otherwise known as Toys R Us? What if we shopped at the local food coop instead of the huge Super-Walmart? What if we bought our clothes at the second hand store down the street instead of the mall? There are a million shopping choices we all make every day that could have great impact on this situation. (Not to mention the environmental and community benefits of local shopping....but that's another post.)
And what if, instead of refinancing our house and buying that great big SUV...we bought US Treasury Bonds instead? What if we invested our savings into our own country?
If we could decrease our demand for cheap foreign imports - we'd slowly lose the trade deficit with China.
If we could increase the US savings rate - we could stop depending on China and other Asian investors to support our economy. (I refuse to look up how much North Korea is pumping into our economy....I just don't want to even know that information.)
I just think that instead of making idiotic threats, we should look at our own behavior, as well. We can blame China all we want for the trade imbalance. But nobody made us buy all that crap. We did that ourselves. I think a shift in US consumer and investment patterns would make all the difference in the world. Bet we'd see that yuan revalued, anyway.
As long as I can still shop at Target. And Ann Taylor. That's all I ask.
Posted at 10:12 PM
Fri - April 29, 2005
Rude Awakening
We visited other preschools today. When we got
home, I sat in my driveway and cried. It's silly, I know, but I cried. It's a
bit like going on a blind date the day after the love of your life left you for
another women, "He's cute. He's nice...but he's not
FUMP."
(FUMP is the name of our preschool...it's an acronym for the name of the church and the P is for 'preschool')
--FUMP has 4 kids in the two year old room. Preschool X had TWELVE kids in the 2 year old room.
--FUMP serves a hot breakfast and lunch. Preschool Y serves no meals - the kids have to bring their own from home.
--FUMP has music, gymnastics, spanish and sign language. Preschool Z has glorified baby-sitting.
--FUMP has 6-8 kids in each of the 2 Pre/K rooms. Preschool A has EIGHTEEN kids in the 5 year old room.
--FUMP lets you attend as part-time as you want to be. Preschool B is full time or nothing.
--FUMP also has full day care if you need it. Preschool C only does 3 hour increments.
--FUMP helps potty-train your kids. Preschool D will only accept your kids after they are potty-trained.
-- FUMP has had no real teacher turnover. Preschool E has lots of teacher turnover.
I guess I should have titled this, "Ode to FUMP."
I tried to explain to the kids that the church was building a new building and that there wasn't room for the preschool anymore. And that was sad, but the church would do all sorts of other good things for the community in the new building.
I thought D. got it, but I overheard her telling our neighbor, "My preschool is closing because my church doesn't want us kids anymore. They want something else instead."
Ouch.
(FUMP is the name of our preschool...it's an acronym for the name of the church and the P is for 'preschool')
--FUMP has 4 kids in the two year old room. Preschool X had TWELVE kids in the 2 year old room.
--FUMP serves a hot breakfast and lunch. Preschool Y serves no meals - the kids have to bring their own from home.
--FUMP has music, gymnastics, spanish and sign language. Preschool Z has glorified baby-sitting.
--FUMP has 6-8 kids in each of the 2 Pre/K rooms. Preschool A has EIGHTEEN kids in the 5 year old room.
--FUMP lets you attend as part-time as you want to be. Preschool B is full time or nothing.
--FUMP also has full day care if you need it. Preschool C only does 3 hour increments.
--FUMP helps potty-train your kids. Preschool D will only accept your kids after they are potty-trained.
-- FUMP has had no real teacher turnover. Preschool E has lots of teacher turnover.
I guess I should have titled this, "Ode to FUMP."
I tried to explain to the kids that the church was building a new building and that there wasn't room for the preschool anymore. And that was sad, but the church would do all sorts of other good things for the community in the new building.
I thought D. got it, but I overheard her telling our neighbor, "My preschool is closing because my church doesn't want us kids anymore. They want something else instead."
Ouch.
Posted at 10:02 PM
Thu - April 28, 2005
If I had a million dollars...
I've spent most of the last 24 hours crying. At
work, at home, at the grocery store, in the car. But mostly at our preschool.
Because we found out yesterday afternoon that the church is going to close the
preschool. They are building a new building and to incorporate all the
specifics of a licensed preschool, it will cost an extra 1-2 million dollars.
They told the other parents tonight (us Board members got to suffer through 24 very long hours of not being able to tell anyone...) We had a two-hour board meeting after school let out today, but couldn't come up with any solutions at all. Mostly it was 8 grown women sitting around a table crying.
The church doesn't have a million dollars. We don't have a million dollars. Bye-bye preschool. Sure, we could fund-raise. Our last fundraiser raised $600...How many would we need to do? I'm too tired to even figure it out.
I keep telling myself that "it's just a preschool. There are other preschools."
But it's *not* just a preschool - it's this magical place where everything just comes together. I can't even explain it in words - it just works. The teachers are happy , the parents are happy, the kids are happy - so much love and happiness floating around that you can hardly believe it. Our teacher/student ratios are super low. It's right downtown - the kids walk to the Capitol, the Farmers Market, the Children's Museum, Monona Terrace, everything. We give lots of scholarships and have great economic and racial diversity. It's just a fantastic place. And the teachers - oh I could write 3 paragraphs about how wonderful they are. But I won't.
Partly, I'm crying because my son isn't going to get the same wonderful preschool experience his sister had. But mostly, I'm crying because I'm slowly coming to the realization that we live in a world where money rules. Even churches and preschools.
How do you put a price on a place that teaches children to be generous and kind and loving? I can't put a dollar value on that. (Which is perhaps why I am not in charge of the family finances...)
As I was putting D. to bed tonight, he snuggled up close beside me and looked up at me with big, round, sad eyes and said, "Mama?"
"Yes?" I answered.
"I'm sad for today, " he explained
"Why are you sad for today, sweetie?" I asked.
"I'm sad for today because my school is going closed, " he answered.
I hugged him tight and cried a bit more and told him that I, too, was sad for today.
They told the other parents tonight (us Board members got to suffer through 24 very long hours of not being able to tell anyone...) We had a two-hour board meeting after school let out today, but couldn't come up with any solutions at all. Mostly it was 8 grown women sitting around a table crying.
The church doesn't have a million dollars. We don't have a million dollars. Bye-bye preschool. Sure, we could fund-raise. Our last fundraiser raised $600...How many would we need to do? I'm too tired to even figure it out.
I keep telling myself that "it's just a preschool. There are other preschools."
But it's *not* just a preschool - it's this magical place where everything just comes together. I can't even explain it in words - it just works. The teachers are happy , the parents are happy, the kids are happy - so much love and happiness floating around that you can hardly believe it. Our teacher/student ratios are super low. It's right downtown - the kids walk to the Capitol, the Farmers Market, the Children's Museum, Monona Terrace, everything. We give lots of scholarships and have great economic and racial diversity. It's just a fantastic place. And the teachers - oh I could write 3 paragraphs about how wonderful they are. But I won't.
Partly, I'm crying because my son isn't going to get the same wonderful preschool experience his sister had. But mostly, I'm crying because I'm slowly coming to the realization that we live in a world where money rules. Even churches and preschools.
How do you put a price on a place that teaches children to be generous and kind and loving? I can't put a dollar value on that. (Which is perhaps why I am not in charge of the family finances...)
As I was putting D. to bed tonight, he snuggled up close beside me and looked up at me with big, round, sad eyes and said, "Mama?"
"Yes?" I answered.
"I'm sad for today, " he explained
"Why are you sad for today, sweetie?" I asked.
"I'm sad for today because my school is going closed, " he answered.
I hugged him tight and cried a bit more and told him that I, too, was sad for today.
Posted at 10:22 PM
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Published On: Jan 28, 2007 08:15 PM
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