Ayelet and Oprah 



I've never been a huge fan of Ayelet Waldman's writing style. She takes uber-personal things and puts them out for the world to see/hear/read. She writes a weekly column on Salon , and has written about things as complex as her suicide attempt and her abortion. They are well written and insightful. Yet, they leave me feeling uncomfortable instead of enlightened. She's just not my style of mama-writer. She's no Anne Lamott or Andi Buchanan .

It happened again with the recent NYTimes "Modern Love" article she penned on how she's the only mom in the world who is having any sex (Can't find the link, but you'll have to trust me that it was annoying and condescending. Many, many assumptions that she was the only one in the world with a happy, balanced marriage and the rest of us were completely wasting our lives on our children.) She wrote that she loved her husband more than her children. She could imagine the death of a child, but she couldn't even contemplate the death of her husband.

Granted, she's married to Michael Chabon (who is gorgeous AND a Pulitizer Prize Winner) so that does give her some bragging rights. But discussing her sex life in the New York Times? Us Scandinavian/Protestant girls just don't do that...

So, I was a bit surprised when I found myself defending her (out loud) to my Tivo'd copy of Oprah last night as I was sorting a database for work. She must have been on earlier this week. With Tivo, i have no idea when anything is on. I used to have my two nights of TV: Sunday for Desperate Housewives and Wednesday for West Wing. Now West Wing is in repeats, so I'm desperately looking for a Wednesday Night replacement. Last night it was Oprah.

I should have seen it coming. It's classic Oprah: Sex! Mommies who judge each other! Spoiled Brat Children!

Poor Ayelet was put in a circle of women who were just *waiting* to pounce on her. They claimed she couldn't possibly write a column like that and still love her children.

C'mon ladies. Have you ever met a writer who didn't exaggerate? Ever? Hell, the only writing I do is Cisco direct mail letters and Microsoft seminar copy and I exaggerate everything. She didn't mean that she hates her children and loves her husband. She was using extremes to make a point. (And to get published in the NYTimes and land an appearance on Oprah to boot...)

If she'd said, "The best thing that parents can give their children is to have a healthy, passionate, long-lasting marriage, and sometimes that is hard to balance when you have young children," no one would have published anything. No Oprah gig for her. That's basic common sense.

I suspect she did the whole Mother Superior thing to get our attention. And get into print. It worked!

But it took seeing that foaming froth of mothers out to get her on Oprah to show me that even if I don't like her upfront writing style, and even if I don't necessarily agree with all of her opinions...she's entitled to them. She made some really good points on the show and I enjoyed watching her.

But Ayelet...I do have to say one thing.....I'm madly and passionately in love with my husband too. And with his son who has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. And with his daughter who has the biggest heart in the world. In our family, there is no comparison of who we love "more" or "less" or "differently" - we add up all our love for each other and it just somehow grows into something that is much bigger than the sum of its parts.

That's my version of Modern Love. 

Posted: Thu - April 21, 2005 at 10:40 PM          

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