My Maho Beach Adventure

FINALLY!!!

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It took me over three years to make it to Maho beach on the Dutch side of St. Maarten! If you are into aviation, this is the closest you can legally get to commercial aircraft without working for the airlines... and you can't get this close in a more beautiful location! As soon as the ship docked, I made a b-line to the nearest taxi so I could go to the beach. To be honest, the weather was a little crappy for hanging out at the beach seeing as there were scattered showers, waves at 8-10 feet (Maho is NOT a surf beach), and the wind was 27 knots (31 mph), but it was GREAT weather to watch airplanes land in a head wind.

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Remember this sign... it'll come in handy later in the blog.

Morning started with a 30 minute cab ride to another side of the island with a group of guests from the ship that worked for Net Jets; needless to say they were BIG into aviation. Once we got to the beach, we parted ways to get breakfast and shop for souvenirs. I got a t-shirt that had the warning sign above and a cap to add to my collection... both totaled $50 USD (damn exchange rate!), no worries, they were worth every penny. There were t-shirts that said "I got blown at Maho Beach" and "Surf the fence at Maho Beach" which I laughed at.... did I mention the sign above? There's a bar on the beach that is one the best places to take pictures, so much so that they post a schedule of landing aircraft on a surfboard. Not much arrives in the morning, just island hoppers and a few DC-9s, but around 1pm, the main event started. Aircraft from American, Delta, U.S. Air, Continental, and many others began to arrive. The first "real" plane was a Continental 737... not bad, but I was waiting for something a little bigger. Around 1:15 my wish was granted in the form of an America 757. Like a fool I lined up on the runway centerline to catch the most awesome picture I could take.

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Pretty cool, huh? You'd think a 757 wouldn't have too much thrust when landing... but I forgot about the 31 mph head wind that gusted to 45 mph... oops. Here's what you don't see: the sand blast I took from the engines. It felt like I was being shot with thousands of needles, but it was so cool! Here's what else you don't see: THE FREAKIN' 16 FOOT WAVE THAT PLANE JUST KICKED UP BEHIND ME! I turned around in just enough time to see it for myself... and to see my $50 in souvenirs get blown into the ocean. Yeah... that sign makes a little more sense now, doesn't it? I took the wave head on and got water and sand in my camera. Seeing as that was the last picture it was going to take in it's short life, it was time to save the t-shirt and hat, and so I dove in to save them... in my socks and work shoes. For good measure, I took on another 8 foot wave just to make sure my camera was good and dead and I was completely soaked from head to toe. But none of that mattered because I was finally in the place I dreamed of for over three years. After an hour of drying off eating one of the best damn burgers I've ever tasted, it was time for more fun. Unfortunately, I couldn't find another camera to catch a second American 757, an Air France A340, or a Corsair 747 (it flew in reeeeeally low), but trust me when I say it is one of the coolest experiences of my life.

Fly Away by Lenny Kravitz

The Italian Navy

Many folks have emailed and left questions in the comments as to why I haven't done a "Below Deck" entry... well here it is.

[Mom, if you are reading this, it's best you hang out at the photo gallery instead... please.]

There isn't much to do at night at sea but drink and screw; we're not allowed in the casino and we're not allowed fool around with the guests... no matter how bad that drunk college senior from VT in the bikini wanted to shag... but I digress.

The Victory has two bars, one for the "crew" on Deck Zero, and one for the "staff" on Deck Four Forward. "Staff" would be the entertainment and casino staff and crew, as well as the officers of the ship (aka the white suites). The staff bar is well stocked with an impressive variety of international beers and liquors... as well as an equally impressive variety of horny women from around the world. And since a good 35-40% of the staff men are gay, there is less competition for those women.

[Seriously... Mom, are you
still reading this?!]

The staff bar is also the site of one of the longest running naval battles in history: the "Italian Navy" versus the rest of the World. Just who or what is the "Italian Navy"? They are the officers that build and run all of our ships, and yes, they are actual members of the Italian Navy. However, much like the Japanese Navy, they are mostly involved in "peace keeping" since their defeat in World War 2. Still bitter about that crushing defeat, they have made their mission to steal hearts of women across the many cruise ships under their charge. Ever seen or ridden
Pirates of the Caribbean? Disney got it all wrong! The real pirates of the Caribbean wear white uniforms and drive cruise ships for a living; I swear if Captain Jack Sparrow really existed, he spoke with an Italian accent. Now that I think of it, it goes way beyond WW2... we all know the stories about Christopher Columbus "discovering" America were bogus, but now I think the truth is someone told him there were hot chicks in the Caribbean and he set sail.

One harsh lesson I've learned is that the Italian Navy does not discriminate and no continent is safe. Australian, African, North or South American, Asian, it doesn't matter... the Italian Navy will claim them all. The two South African women I was trying to get with... both gone to the Navy. The cute blond from California... Navy. The super hot Brazilian dancer... already met the freakin' parents of her Italian Navy boyfriend. To make matters worse, the 35-40% of gay staff members are all getting more action than I am.

With the Italian Navy running a cock blockade, you'd think I would get plastered off of $1 beers and $2 cocktails? Nope, since we are all sailors, and heaven forbid we run into a rouge iceberg and have to evacuate the guests, we can't leave the bar with more than a 0.08 BAC. So not only am I NOT getting laid, but also I can't get drunk enough to forget about it.

But I'm not bitter, I still get to see a lot of really nice looking women, and I do get to go to Italy to steal their women...


...or at least find out why they're stealing mine. Winking

Girls, Girls, Girls by Jay-Z

Recap: Monkeys Humping a Football

Greetings from Doral, FL!

[No picture due to death of Camera #1
Dec. 2006 - April 2008]

I'm on dry land for a few days to decompress and to get ready for my West Coast swing before heading to Italy. The title of this entry is self-explanatory: these past few weeks have looked like monkeys humping a football. The problem working for large corporations is that one hand doesn't know what the other hand is doing half the time... this company is no exception. Before I signed onto the Victory, I was told I was going to be onboard until May to complete work on two shows and to be trained on all of the ship's audio systems... easy, right? WRONG!!!

From day one I was behind the eight ball; I arrived two weeks after the Technical Director (TD), which means I didn't have a chance to mark my territory. There are three main elements to our shows: sound, lights, and video, and we all fight over who's most important... the correct answer would be
sound (hehehe... no seriously, I'm the most important). Unfortunately, since I was late to the party I got treated like bastard step child: lighting got 5 hours a night for three weeks in the lounge, I got 4 hours... total... for the entire three weeks! Even the video guys had more time. No problem, I would just simply wait for the lighting, video, and the TD (also a lighting guy) to leave to complete my tasks, after all, I had until May, right? Wrong again!

Here's a crash course on the two operations on the ship: You have the ship operation which is run by the “Italian Navy” (surely you've all heard of them? No? That's OK; I'll talk about them later). Then you have the hotel operation, the Hotel Director (HD) and his staff runs this. He's the
real captain of the ship, after all, the ship is a floating hotel; if you aren't involved in making the ship go, the HD is your boss. He decides who comes aboard the ship, for how long, and where they stay since there is limited space. Got it so far? Apparently I had issues with HD and didn't know it, and they started the moment I signed on. Remember my fun-filled first day on board? Crew management had made a clerical error that had me misclassified as part of the permanent ship staff instead of the office staff... the ramifications would not clear until weeks later.

Soon after my last blog entry, I got an email that there would be a new tech joining the crew. Since the crew was missing a tech, this came as good news, there is supposed to be five techs onboard: an audio tech, a lighting tech, a backstage tech, a back lounge tech, and an automation/scenery tech. The Victory did not have a lighting tech, so the back lounge tech had to fill that roll, and I was helping out where I could. Hopes were dashed five minutes later when the HD denied the new the light tech permission to board the ship. In his response, the HD explained there were already five techs onboard, so there weren't enough beds available. To which we all responded "who's the fifth tech?" He said I was, which touched off three days on non-stop e-mails between the HD, Cruise Director (the head of the onboard entertainment department), the office, the audio tech, and myself trying to clarify my status onboard the ship... until the TD chimed in. The TD explained that I was office staff and that I was with his crew, and I was leaving the same weekend he was... WTF?! This was bad as I still had two weeks of work left. Soon after the TD dropped his little bomb, I get a phone call from my boss back in the office asking how much time I needed. I told him at minimum I needed another two weeks, and even that would be pushing it. He calls the ship again to relay this information to the HD, but the HD wouldn't allow it, I had to get off the ship. Finally with everyone going over my head and around my own authority, I had to pull rank and explain the situation from my point of view with an email CC'd to everyone involved. It basically said that I would respect the HD wishes and leave the ship, however there would be no backups of the show (since it's all on hard drive), and there would be no rehearsal CDs for the band or the dancers until August when I returned from Italy. Needless to say I got two extra weeks, and the new lighting tech signed on a week late... problem solved.

All in all, my first time on a ship was fun from a new experience standpoint, but professionally, it sucked. I've never worked under these conditions, and I don't plan on doing so again. After making my displeasure known to everyone, changes were made to prevent this from happening again. I will be arriving to the ship the same time as the TD and lighting. The Hotel and Cruise Directors will be personally notified as to how much time I require onboard and I will make the decision whether I leave earlier than expected. And finally, I have an office ID now, so there will be no more clerical errors or questions as to who I am and what I'm doing onboard.

We'll see if these changes stick, otherwise, I'll be staying on the West Coast on a more
permanent basis.

Ball of Confusion by The Temptations

Vrooom!... crash... and burn

Now that I have some free time, I can bring all of you up to speed on what has been happening the past few weeks:

Vrooom! That's name of the production show I've been working on for two weeks, and quite easily one of the most difficult productions I've been involved in; it started off bad and continued to roll down hill from there. Since portions of Vrooom! existed on other ships, I was asked to edit three different shows together to make up most of the show audio ("tape") for this ship... easy enough. Then I was asked to add new portions of the show, but they sounded nothing like the original tracks from the other shows, this raised the difficulty level up because there was a radical change in sound and it all needed to flow together in and out of the original parts. After a week of editing and mixing, the day before the show opening it was decided that the 55 seconds needed to be removed from one portion of the show, and 6 minutes of material needed to be added to the end of the show. With digital editing this normally isn't problem, however, it wasn't just audio, dancers needed updated choreography, video clips that needed to be re-edited, lighting and scenery drops that needed to be re-synced to the music, and pyro that needed to be reprogrammed... our dress rehearsals were an absolute nightmare, and I questioned whether the show needed to go on... it did. The first two minutes went smoothly, which should have served as a warning of the technical nightmare about to befall us:

"Tape" stopped rolling in the middle of our third song... oh... shit. Apparently, the audio playback system, which I won't mention the model or manufacturer out of sheer embarrassment (no, not Pro Tools), had a corrupt file that caused it to crash... this is after my boss crowed about how stabile they were... gee, thanks. Since I run the show via timecode, all automation came to a stop: lights, scenery, video, pyro, it was like we hit an iceberg and the show was about to meet it's water grave... and the band played on. Yes folks, the good news is that we have a 7-piece band on board, whose sole purpose is to add realism to our production tracks that continued to play. Usually, when the tape stops rolling, they stop playing, but singers were still singing, dancers were still dancing, and they kept the show rocking until I could get playback up and running. After a quick reboot, the machine was up and cued, but I had another problem: the show wasn't going to start in the exact place the band was playing, and to make matters worse, the machine was about to restart 5 seconds before a pyro cue and the dancers would have been out of position (remembered what happened to Michael Jackson?). To avoid this, I had to skip ahead another 10 seconds, which luckily was the beginning of the next song... whew! After a brief moment of weirdness, everyone locked back in and the show continued with relatively minor technical issues: miscued video, out of sync lights and lasers, pyro duds, and missing scenery drops. Yes, it looked like monkeys humping a football, but the crowd didn't noticed... thank goodness for drunk vacationers.

Bonus: The song for this blog entry is one of the numbers performed in Vrooom! (Mainly because it is stuck in my head... enjoy!)


Disco Inferno by the Trammps

I'm Back (on the internets)!

Greetings from Downtown Miami!

[No picture because I forgot my camera on the ship. Sorry.]

I have a lot to share with you but I've been waaaaaaaaaaay too busy to write any new entries. Thanks to all of you for being patient while I got my internet issues taken care of, and thank you Nancy for keeping everyone up to date in the comments while I've been unable to log in. I heard an interesting rumor that Carnival Entertainment may be moving to L.A. and taking over the building occupied by are sister companies Cunard and Princess... needless to say I'll be excited if it's true. More on this later.

I hope all of you are well, I should have some new photos for you soon.

Ventura Highway by America

Technical Difficulties

Sorry folks, I've come to realize that high-speed internet is necessary for blogging, and unfortunately, I'm lucky if I can get anything resembling dial-up at this point. The good news is I have almost 3 weeks of blog entries and photos, the bad news is they are piled up waiting for a trip to Starbuck's so I can use their internet to upload them. Please be patient as I'm working on the problem... in the meantime, enjoy the song of the day. Oh yeah... I had to stop adding iTunes links because it takes forever and too much bandwidth to look them up.
Gotta love shipboard internet.

Pick Up the Pieces by Average White Band

Second Week: In Review

Greetings from my office!

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It's been another fast pace week here in the M/S Victory as I have finished editing and mixing my stage first show; I have another show to complete next week, and this one is going to be 10x harder than the first. I seem to have impressed the rest of the technical and creative staff, and more importantly, my new boss to the point my probationary period may be coming to a short end (woohoo!). Unfortunately for me, I haven't left the ship for a few days missing Grand Cayman and Jamaica. Supposedly I've been told I didn't miss much and was warned that if I ever get off the ship in Jamaica that I should travel with a
large group of crew members, apparently Ocho Rios isn't a very nice place... duly noted. Most of this week has been spent in my "office" seen above, as will next week; we're back on the Eastern route, so it'll be take two of San Juan, St. Thomas, and St, Maarten.

Sorry for the lateness of the blog entries, stable internet hasn't be easy to come by.

Jamming by Bob Marley & The Wailers

Runnin'

Greetings from Grand Cayman... kind of. Truth be told, we haven't dropped anchor yet, but due to possible weather issues, the Captain decided to test all four engines that drive this ship and we got here in a hurry. However, due to local regulations we're not allowed to dock until our scheduled time, so the Vic is doing laps around the Caymans until morning. Today's picture is of our almost daily drag race with Royal Caribbean (we're 0-5 in case you're wondering... they're always in such a rush to beat us to port).

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Runnin' by Earth, Wind & Fire