Equal Halves
Chapter 5: The Only Constant
Nodoka watched, subdued, as her children demolished the birthday feast she and Kasumi had prepared. They’d made a number of Ranma’s favorite dishes, hoping that they were Ranko’s favorites as well, and they’d guessed right. Her wide, delighted grin had been evidence of that. It was clear that despite being a girl, Ranko’s views on food were the same as Ranma’s. Ranma ate like a voracious killing machine, and Ranko ate like a lady, but they both ate. And ate.
She smiled a wan smile; it was a joy to cook for one’s family, but this was likely the last time she’d be able to do it for Ranko. Soon she’ll be gone, and I’ll never see her again…
She is not your child, she chided herself. She belongs to another you, in another world. She belongs with her mother, her family; they are surely grieving for her right now. Her heart, wiser in some ways and more foolish in others, sullenly refused to listen. It’s not fair, she thought. It’s not fair. I already lost my Ranko once. Why do I have to lose another one? The first time, it had at least been an even trade: she had lost “Tendou Ranko,” but she had gained back her son. Her precious son, gone for so many years, grown into a fine young man, albeit with… interesting problems. Even so, she’d grieved for the girl who hadn’t really existed.
This time, there would be no such compensation. This was a real girl, not a disguise. This girl was Nodoka’s own daughter, not some fictitious cousin of Akane’s. The fact that she was another Nodoka’s daughter didn’t really change that very much. And this girl would be gone… gone forever.
She had been able to accept that she could not have any more children, that she could not have the daughter she had always wanted. The gods gave one children, and one loved the children one got. But the gods had tormented her, tantalized her by dangling two redheaded not-quite-daughters in front of her, then snatching them away. Is one of my own too much to ask for?
Her gaze traveled to Akane, and there she found a melancholy that echoed her own. Akane was eating her dinner quietly, not really participating in the conversation. So, she made the same mistake I did. Not that we really could have avoided it…
She turned her attention back to Ranko, who was chattering away about some violin technique, her audience—Ranma—spellbound. It wasn’t that she would miss that face; she could see it every time her son’s curse took effect. It wasn’t even entirely who she was; she was in large part Ranma. It was that she was a feminine Ranma: a woman, like Nodoka. A daughter. Nodoka could share things with her that she could never share with Ranma, even when Ranma was a girl. Because Ranma was a man, even when he was a woman. Nodoka would not want it any other way.
As if guided by intuition, Ranko’s gaze met her own. There must have been something of Nodoka’s feelings in her face; the redhead’s eyes widened. Her head tilted, her mouth opened slightly, and her eyebrows rose in concern: “What’s wrong?”
Nodoka summoned every last ounce of will she had to hold back tears. She shook her head: “Nothing.” The last thing she wanted was for Ranko to find out how she and Akane felt. It would be wrong to make the child feel guilty for going home to her own family.
Nodoka’s luck ran out after only a couple of minutes. Ranko’s eyes happened on Akane; she blinked, then furrowed her brow. A few moments later, her eyes widened, and she started looking between Akane and Nodoka. Finally, a look of determination settled over her features.
Nodoka wasn’t suprised when the diminutive redhead corralled both of them after dinner, dragging them to Akane’s room for some privacy. She and Akane sat on the bed while Nodoka sat in Akane’s chair.
Ranko took Akane’s hand. “All right, out with it. Something’s bothering both of you. If someone has a gloomy face like that at a birthday celebration, there’s got to be a reason.”
Akane surprised both of them with her reaction. “Baka! How can you be so calm about this?”
Bewilderment spread over Ranko’s face. “About what, Sis? I don’t understand.”
Akane took a deep breath. “That card you got! You’ll be going home soon. And… and I’ll… I’ll never see you again! How can you be happy about that!” Ranko’s jaw dropped, and Akane suddenly realized what she was saying. Her anger evaporated, and she hung her head, feeling rather foolish. “I’m sorry. Of course you want to go home. It just… hurts.”
Ranko was shaking her head slowly. “Oh, Sis…” She turned her gaze to Nodoka. “Mother…” Pain colored her voice. “I… I’m sorry. I didn’t realize…”
Akane’s mouth hung open. “You didn’t realize? Aren’t… aren’t you going to miss us? You’re never going to see…” She trailed off, then her eyes widened. Her face grew pink, and she sighed, her shoulders slumping. “I keep forgetting how this all looks to you. Of course you’re not going to miss us; we’re there in your world. And… they’re your Akane, your mother. The ones you’ve known your whole life. We’re just these… weird doubles.”
Ranko shook her head. “No, Sis, you’re not weird doubles to me. But you’re right; I hadn’t thought about it much. To me, you’re the same people.” She eyed Nodoka, and again wondered why she seemed to differ in some ways. Now didn’t really seem like a good time to bring it up. Even so, this was her mother.
“You look the same, you… you mostly act the same. I know that you’re not exactly my sister and my mother, but when I look at you, that’s who I see. Not doubles. I was kind of thinking that going home would just mean that everyone would start acting normal again. Well, Ranma wouldn’t be there, but he’s me, so it isn’t like I’m going to miss him.” She bit her lip. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think about how this looked to you.”
She looked between Akane and Nodoka again, and her voice turned hesitant. “Are… are you saying you want me to stay?” She held her breath, waiting for the answer.
Nodoka interceded, her voice firm. “No, Dear, absolutely not. We’ve only known you a few days, though it feels much longer. I guess that’s because you’re Ranma. But… we can’t do that to your family. We’ve already got one Ranma here; we can’t be that selfish. And you have your fiancé waiting for you, too.”
Ranko looked back and forth between them. “But why is it bothering you? Isn’t one of me enough?”
Akane and Nodoka looked at each other. Nodoka was reluctant to air her feelings, but she didn’t know what else to say. Finally she answered simply, “I’ve always wanted a daughter.”
Memories of the things she and her mother liked to do together flowed through Ranko’s mind, and she nodded and smiled sadly. “I understand. I’m sorry, Mother.”
Nodoka pasted on her best motherly smile. “Don’t be sorry, Dear. Many mothers are in the same situation. I’ve survived this long without one.” Ranko seemed to relax, and her smile brightened.
After a few moments, she turned to Akane with an expectant air. The short-haired girl bit her lip. “I guess… I see you as different from Ranma.”
Ranko tilted her head, puzzled. “Different how? Of course, he’s a boy and I’m a girl; we behave differently. Maybe I’ve matured a bit in the past seven months, and he hasn’t, yet. But when I look at him, I see me, except he’s a boy.” She grinned. “Even when he’s a girl.” She peered at Akane. “Is that it? Is it because I’m a girl?”
Akane shook her head. “No… no, I have two sisters and plenty of girlfriends. It isn’t just that.” She took a deep breath, and blurted out “I… I just feel so close to you, like we can share everything. I’ve never felt that way about Ranma.” She hesitated before admitting this in front of Nodoka, but plunged ahead. “I… I love him, I even want to… to marry him, just… just not right away.” She glanced nervously at Nodoka, who merely smiled.
“But I’m not close to him in the same way I am to you. It’s like there’s a barrier between him and me, a distance that isn’t there between you and me. He’s this martial arts god, we have trouble even getting along…” Her eyes suddenly grew teary, and she stopped speaking. After a while, she whispered, “He doesn’t mean to, but he intimidates me.” Nodoka tried to hide her disappointment.
Ranko put an arm around Akane; it was an akward position for her given her shorter stature. “Sis… you and he will get there. I’m sure of it. He has many of the same problems I had, because he was… raised the same way.” Again she glanced at her mother; she did not want to open this can of worms right now. Part of her wanted to go home without ever opening it at all, but she felt she owed it to Ranma to at least try to broach the subject. “He’ll grow up eventually.” She paused. “He is a boy, after all. You know they’re slow that way.” She winked.
Akane smiled in spite of herself, but it quickly faded. “Maybe. I… I’m not sure. Maybe some day…” She bit her lip, and her face grew very cloudy. “But with you here, I feel like I’ve finally gotten close to Ranma, and… and I’m going to miss that. I’ve gotten spoiled.”
Ranko was sitting at the dining room table, pondering what Akane had told her, when the other shoe dropped. And it was a good thing it didn’t land on anyone’s foot.
A call came from the genkan. “Gomen kudasai…”
Kasumi called “Hai!”, rose from her needlepoint work, and hurried down the hall. A minute later, she called “Ranko-chan? Could you come to the genkan, please?”
Ranko went to join Kasumi, and found a plump, middle-aged woman in the entryway. “Ranko-chan, this is Marumoto-san. She is one of our neighbors. Marumoto-san, this is Saotome Ranko. Could you tell her what you told me?”
Marumoto-san smiled at Ranko, then peered at her more closely, her brow furrowed. “Ranma-kun? Is that you? I knew about your little problem, but I didn’t know you had an alias you used as a girl.”
Ranko blushed. “I’m not Ranma, Marumoto-san. I’m a double of Ranma from a parallel universe, except I was born a girl. My name really is Ranko.”
Marumoto-san, being a neighbor of the Tendous, took this all in stride without batting an eyelash. “How interesting! Things have been so entertaining around here since the Saotomes arrived. It’s nice to meet you, Dear.” She beamed at Ranko for a moment, then blinked. “Oh, yes, as I was just telling Kasumi-san, today this simply huge envelope arrived in the mail. It was addressed to a Saotome Ranko, and we didn’t know anyone by that name, and frankly it looked a little bizarre. We thought it was a joke or something and were about to throw it out, but then I thought that maybe Ranma or his father might know who it was since they were named Saotome, so I decided to come over here and ask, even though it is a little late—I am sorry about that—but I’m glad I did, because here you are!”
Ranko thought she was going to explode as she waited for Marumoto-san to finish speaking. “Thank you, Marumoto-san. Did you bring it with you?”
Marumoto-san nodded. “Yes, indeed! It’s right here in this bag.” She lifted up a mesh shopping bag and held it open. Ranko reached inside, and her eyes bugged out as she wrestled a very heavy, very large plain brown mailing envelope from the inside. It weighed over two kilograms!
She and Kasumi examined the address. It was indeed addressed to her, by name—and with the correct kanji. Kasumi exclaimed, “Oh! Whoever sent it transposed two digits in the address. That’s why it went to your home instead of here, Marumoto-san.”
Marumoto-san nodded, smiling. “Well, I’m glad we didn’t throw it out! I’ll just be going home, then. Good night.” She turned and left.
Kasumi and Ranko called out “Good night,” in turn, and headed back to the family room.
Akane looked up as Ranko and Kasumi appeared. “What’s that? It’s pretty huge.”
“Someone sent me a package, but they addressed it incorrectly. I wonder if it’s another present?” She set it down on the table.
Ranma looked over at the large brown envelope from his place in front of the TV. “Who’s it from?”
Ranko peered at the envelope; she hadn’t looked beyond the recipient address before. The color drained from her face.
Nodoka put down her book and leaned forward. “What is it, Dear? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Ranko swallowed audibly. “It’s from… it says it’s from the ‘Bureau of Mortal Affairs, Mortal Auxiliary Support Department.’” She looked over the rest of the envelope, and her jaw dropped. Instead of postage, it bore an imprint, which she read aloud: “Interreality postal permit 126517906153-642. Official use only. Unauthorized use is prohibited and may be punishable by fine, imprisonment, or…” she blinked, “eternal damnation.”
Suddenly Nabiki, Ranma, and Akane were all looking over her shoulder, peering at the envelope themselves.
Nabiki felt a little light-headed. It wasn’t every day that you received mail from the gods. Official mail. “Maybe… maybe you should open it?” She winced. Insightful, Nabiki. Really insightful.
Ranko ripped open the envelope and slid out the contents: an enormous stack of papers. On top was a form.
Form 487389566-QRZ (Revised 5384 B.C.): Instructions for Mortal Auxiliaries (Package Contents)
Dear Mortal,
This package contains information necessary to your position as a temporary mortal auxiliary. Please take care not to lose it; it contains much important information and cannot be easily replaced.
“Great,” said Akane, “It’s important and can’t be easily replaced, and they misaddressed it. It could have wound up in an incinerator.”
Enclosed you will find:
(Qty 1) Cover letter
(Qty 235) Official forms and instructions
(Qty 93) Informational brochures
(Qty 107) Valuable coupons and offers
“I don’t believe this…” moaned Ranko. She turned the page.
Form 939587284-WWU (Revised 1203 A.D.): Cover letter
Greetings, From the Director of the Bureau of Mortal Affairs
Congratulations! You have been selected to serve the multiverse as a mortal auxiliary!
“Really?” deadpanned Ranko, “I hadn’t noticed.”
Your service is a result of:
O The whim of one or more gods
O Bad karma during a previous existence
X The wish of a mortal
O The eternal battle against the forces of darkness
Everyone boggled. “Somebody wished for this?” asked Ranma. Everyone looked around at everyone else, but no one looked like the guilty party. Ranko continued reading.
Your status as an auxiliary is temporary and will lapse at the conclusion of your service. Abuse of your status as a mortal auxiliary is a serious offense and may result in your retroactive erasure from reality.
Ranko swallowed. “Let’s pass on that, shall we?” She wondered what exactly constituted “abuse.”
Please be sure to read all of the attached important material in order to be fully informed as to your responsibilities and rights, and your situation.
Ranko eyed the huge stack of materials. “All of it?!”
Instructions on your mission, and how to return to your own reality when it is concluded, are included on the appropriate forms. Enjoy this unique experience, and welcome to the mortal auxiliaries!
That was the end of the cover letter. Ranko started to flip through the other materials; they seemed to be in no discernible order. She pulled the first item off the stack. It was a glossy four-color brochure. She read aloud:
The Interreality Agricultural Pest Control Bureau
We Keep Crops Safe in Your Universe!
“Yes,” observed Nabiki drily, “obviously this material is very important.”
Two hours later, Ranko, Akane, Ranma, and Nabiki were still plowing through the huge stack of paper, as the rest of the family watched, somewhat incredulous. They were still looking for useful information, and hadn’t found much. Everyone’s eyes were starting to glaze over.
“Hey Ranko,” called Nabiki. “Here’s another coupon.”
“What’s it for?”
“A free tankard of mead at the Fox and Vole pub in London.”
“And when did this one expire?”
“June 22, 1189.”
The “valuable” coupon joined several more like it in a growing trash pile. Ranko pulled the next item off the stack; it was another brochure.
The Interreality Bureau of Weights and Measures
Want to know how high up is? We have the answer!
Her eyebrows shot up, but at the moment she was more interested in finding out how to get home than how high up was, so it landed in the trash pile, too.
Most of what they had gone through had been like this: marginally useful, or not at all. Ranko had had her question answered; they’d found:
Form 295729480-KKF (Revised 1489 A.D.): Abuse of Mortal Auxiliary Status
The following actions are expressly forbidden to you during your tenure as a mortal auxiliary. Breach of these prohibitions is punishable by retroactive erasure from reality.
- Transport of objects massing more than 1 million metric tons between realities, including celestial bodies.
- Injuring a Certified Public Accountant or Notary Public.
- Import of animals or plants to a reality where they have mythical status.
- Trading securities based on knowledge of another reality.
- Founding a new religion.
- Using a weapon of mass destruction.
- Parking in a loading zone.
Ranko had felt some relief, as she certainly didn’t intend to do any of these. This was the most useful form they’d found so far. Others had included:
Form 398723927-KJS (Revised 1301 B.C.): Application for Permit to Transport Livestock Between Realities
Form 390103992-YXL (Revised 1098 A.D.): Self-Declaration of Mythical Status
Form 209818027-ALK (Revised 3072 A.D.): Application for License to Operate a Field Inversion Gate
They’d spent a few minutes trying to figure out what a “field inversion gate” could possibly be, and wondering what a form from 3072 was doing in Ranko’s package, but had given up and decided to press on through the stack.
It was getting on towards 11 o’clock, and everyone was getting rather bleary-eyed, when Akane called out “Ranko! Look at this!”
Ranko tossed aside the brochure from the Interreality Messiah Certification Board and took the form which Akane held out to her.
Form 298742094-YUI (Revised 722 A.D.): Mortal Auxiliary Mission Details (Mortal Wish)
In order to protect the privacy of clients granted wishes, it is not possible to divulge either the details of the wish you are helping to grant or the identity of the mortal who made it. This form lists actions you should take to help fulfill the wish, and the current status of your mission.
There was a box, which was filled in with:
Be seen together with Ranma by at least 80% of the student body at Fuurinkan High School. It would be best to wear relatively feminine clothing (e.g., dresses rather than blue jeans). Ranma must be in his male form. Your non-mortal supervisor will take care of all other issues pertaining to granting this wish.
Below that was a section entitled “Mission Status”:
Your mission is currently _100%_ complete. When this number reaches 100%, Form 109822942-SOR (Instructions for Return to Home Reality) will appear in your package.
Ranko blinked. The “100%” was typewritten; how could it change? She shrugged; it didn’t really matter. “Well, at least we know the instructions on how I can get home are in here somewhere.” She beamed. “I’ll be going home soon!” Her smile faded as she noticed Akane and her mother looking very, very somber.
She sighed and peered at the form once more. “I guess the wish is complete now. So that’s why we ran into all those people this morning. But why would someone make a wish that involved people seeing Ranma and me together? And why did Ranma need to be in male form?”
Akane’s brow furrowed, and after a few moments her eyes widened. “Ranko, do you remember what Kunou said when he ran into us this morning? ‘Thus is the vile lie exposed!’ He and his loony sister are the only people who think Ranma’s girl side and his boy side are two separate people!”
Ranma groaned. “You’re right! That’s gotta be it. One of ’em musta wished for the ‘vile lie’ to be ‘exposed.’ This prince guy needed a girl version of me to make it happen. That’s gotta be why it says I need to be a guy and she needs to wear a dress.” He turned to Ranko. “Sorry ’bout this, kiddo.”
Ranko was seething. “It’s not your fault. It’s those idiots’ fault!” She sagged and let out a long sigh as the anger suddenly left her. “There’s no point in getting upset, I guess. It’s too late to do anything about it now.”
Ranma grinned. “How’s about next time I pound the moron, I give him a few extra for you?”
Ranko laughed. “Thanks.” She rubbed her eyes. “You know, I just can’t stare at this fine print any more. I have a headache.” There was a chorus of agreement.
Kasumi looked around. “Maybe we should all go to bed and continue in the morning?” Ranko nodded, rose, and headed into the kitchen in search of aspirin. The family started to drift off to prepare for bedtime.
Ranko caught up with the other women in the bath. To speed things along, the men had bathed together, and the women were now doing the same. With the three Tendou sisters, Nodoka, and Ranko all in the tub, it was a bit of a tight squeeze, but they managed.
From the mood, you might have thought it was a funeral rather than a bath. Nodoka and Akane were both morose; Ranko took her cue from them. Kasumi and Nabiki watched all this transpire in silence.
Ranko reflected that her visit was ending the same way it had begun: with a family bath. This time, instead of the air of uneasiness which had pervaded the family, it was an air of mourning. Even though she hadn’t been part of their family, they were her family, and somehow, it seemed she was going to be leaving a hole when she left.
She looked back and forth between her mother and Akane, and settled on the older woman. “Mother, I…”
Nodoka shook her head. “No, Dear. I’ll be fine; I’m just a little sad. I’m sorry I even told you how I feel; I don’t want you to suffer because of this. It’s not your fault.” Again, she summoned her will and her experience as a mother, and managed a smile of affection. She was rewarded by a little smile stealing onto Ranko’s face.
The redhead nodded slowly, then turned to Akane. She tried a smile, and Akane gave a halfhearted smile in return, a smile that said “It’s going to be all right.”
Ranko thought, Yeah, right. And everyone says I’m the one who’s bad at lying.
Her heart tightened, but she knew that there was nothing she could do to change the fact that this Akane and this mother were going to miss her. And yet she also knew that at that very moment, her Akane and her mother were missing her, and she wanted to go home to her own family and her own life. It was a no-win scenario. She knew she couldn’t stay, but she wished there were something she could do to make her loved ones here feel better.
After the bath, everyone quietly headed off to bed, but Ranko wandered back to the family room. Her head still ached—possibly more than it had earlier—and the aspirin hadn’t taken effect yet. She hoped it would soon; too bad it wouldn’t do anything for the ache in her heart.
She found Ranma there, too, flipping channels on the television. It looked like he wasn’t ready to sleep, either.
He looked up briefly as she dropped down to sit next to him, sagging slightly as she arranged herself on the floor. “Ain’tcha goin’ to bed?”
She smiled faintly. “My headache is still pounding away. I’m waiting for the aspirin to work.”
He nodded, somewhat distracted. “And you?” she asked.
He didn’t answer for a while. “Akane and Mom are sure takin’ your leavin’ pretty hard.”
Ranko raised an eyebrow. “You noticed, huh?”
He snorted. “Yeah. It was hard to miss.” He glanced down, tuning out the TV. He’d landed on some American movie, dubbed into Japanese. It looked like a kid’s movie, set at a summer camp.
He seemed to have something more on his mind, but just stared at the floor; Ranko waited patiently for him to continue. “I’ve been thinkin’ alot about what you said last night. About bein’ Akane’s friend.” He looked up at Ranko. “And I decided… you’re right. I gotta be her friend too, not just her fiancé. After watchin’ you guys, I can understand that.” He sighed. “But… I dunno. I mean, we…” he looked around to make sure they were alone, “we l-love each other, but… whenever we try to get together, we just… I dunno… fight.” He eyed her. “You guys get along great. Akane and me, we oughta get along like that, too.” He offered a wan smile. “I’m kinda jealous, y’know?”
Ranko sighed. “I know. She told me she feels like there’s a barrier between you and her, but there isn’t between me and her.” She blushed. “I’m sorry about this. I sort of grabbed onto her when I first got here, because I’m so close to my Akane, and… and I really needed her. Now, she’s gotten attached to me.” She shook her head. “We’ve got to find a way for her to feel comfortable with you, too. I’m not going to be here past tomorrow, but you guys will be spending the rest of your lives together. We’ve got to get her to see that you can be her friend the same way I can.”
Ranma’s brow furrowed. “But how? Every time I try to talk to her, it’s like our defenses go up. I’ve been watchin’ you, and I think I can… I can do better talkin’ to her, but I dunno if she’s gonna give me the chance. How can I get her to relax the way she does when she’s talkin’ to you?”
Suddenly a girl’s voice said, “I have a brilliant idea!” Two pairs of eyes swiveled around to the television. On the screen, two young girls were having a conversation.
They were identical twins. They were redheads. Ranma’s and Ranko’s jaws dropped.
“What is it?” replied the other redhead on the TV.
“I think we should switch places! When camp is over, I’ll go to London as you, and you go to California as me!”
“What?!”
“We can do it! We’re twins, right?” Ranma and Ranko looked at each other, blinked, then looked back to the TV.
“But we’re so different!”
“That’s OK! Look, I can already do you!” She imitated the other girl’s way of speaking.
Ranma slowly raised the remote control and turned the television off. He and Ranko both stared at the dark screen for a minute, then turned to stare at one another.
Slowly, a grin crept onto both their faces.
The clock was slowly creeping up on 3 AM as two redheads plotted strategy in the family room. After making sure the rest of the family was asleep, they’d snuck back downstairs to meet. Ranma was in her female form, and they were both wearing pajamas, because Ranko was giving Ranma a crash course in how to be her. Having spent twelve years as Ranma herself, Ranko didn’t feel she needed any education in that department.
Ranma already knew how to use female speech—every male knew what it sounded like, and she’d had a fair amount of practice during the last year. She had just needed a little tutoring to tone down her exaggerated femininity. They’d been at it for over two hours, and as always Ranma was a fast learner when she was motivated. As a result, anyone watching at the moment would have been hard pressed to tell the two girls apart except by what they were saying. And the fact that one of them had her hair in a pigtail.
One redhead asked, “Are you sure we shouldn’t just swap now? It’ll be harder tomorrow when everyone’s awake. Especially Nabiki-neechan.”
The other shook her head. “No, we’ll never be able to pull this off for the whole day. You haven’t had enough practice yet, and someone is going to start wondering why I don’t ‘change back.’ Our best bet is to swap right after I ask Akane to meet for a private talk.” She grinned. “Besides, if Akane finds out you slept in her room, she’ll go ballistic.”
Ranma sighed. “True.” She frowned. “Why do you say I haven’t had enough practice yet? I think I’m speaking the same way you do.”
Ranko nodded. “You are. But you haven’t had practice in something just as important: being open with your feelings. That’s a big difference between us; Akane noticed it right away. It took me a long time to open up like that after I became Ranko again, to say what I was feeling rather than holding back all the time. You won’t be able to overcome that right away. Akane will catch on sooner or later, and we shouldn’t give her a chance before you two get together. And there are other things everyone might pick up on. You haven’t lived as a girl for seven months like I have.”
Ranma tilted her head. “I guess you’re right. All right then, we’ll wait until just before you meet Akane.” She peered at Ranko. “Are you sure you know how to be me?”
“Hey,” said Ranko using male speech, “I ain’t stupid, ya dumb macho tomboy!”
Ranma bristled for a moment, then stopped, her mouth falling open. This was how she made Akane feel, wasn’t it? Her cheeks turned pink in embarrassment as Ranko smiled. “Well, I guess you haven’t forgotten…” Suddenly she yawned, and Ranko yawned with her.
Ranko rubbed her eyes. “I want to get to bed before my headache comes back. This ought to be enough to get you through one conversation with Akane. After that you two are on your own.”
Ranma nodded. “I know. I just hope it’s enough to get us past the first step. I’d like to be able to be friends with her without having to pretend to be you.” She smiled. “Thank you; I really appreciate your helping me with this.”
Ranko nodded in approval. “That was very good! You expressed some feelings there. You’re getting the idea.”
Ranma’s smile broadened into a grin. “Thank you, Oniichan.”
Ranko grinned too. “Anytime, kiddo.”
“Yaaaaaahhh!”
Akane’s punch passed through the space Ranko had occupied a moment before, meeting nothing but empty air. For her efforts she was rewarded with a smart rap in her side. It hurt a bit, but she didn’t hesitate, completing her motion and taking up a new position from which to evaluate the situation.
She and Ranko circled each other. “I was too aggressive just then, wasn’t I?”
The redhead nodded. “Yes. You left yourself open because you overextended yourself.”
Akane nodded herself. “I thought so. I’ll try to watch that.” Ranko didn’t respond with words, but leapt, fingers extended for a blow. Akane reacted on instinct, and managed a twisting leap that avoided the attack, but just barely. She was pretty sure she wouldn’t have succeeded if Ranko hadn’t been holding back.
The day had dawned gray and dreary, and that had matched Akane’s mood perfectly. She’d woken before Ranko, and had spent a few minutes watching her roommate slumber in the gray light before trying to wake her. That had been more difficult than usual for some reason.
Today Ranko was likely to go home, and Akane had wanted one more sparring session with her. She could tell it was improving her skills, and it also got her mind off the redhead’s imminent departure. Ranko had been happy to oblige in any case.
The sun had started to break through the early morning mist as their session had progressed, but Akane’s mood had not improved with the weather. She wasn’t angry at Ranko, but part of her was feeling sullen and resentful, and the negative emotions were throwing her off a bit. She was trying to push that aside, with mixed success.
Ranma watched quietly from the porch; he, too, looked a little bleary-eyed. For some reason, his father was content to let him sit and evaluate the match, and that was exactly what he was doing. He’d been too shocked discovering Ranko to properly observe the action on Friday; today, he was watching intently. He observed how Ranko was pushing Akane, holding back so as not to overwhelm her but rather fighting at a level just beyond that of Akane herself. And Akane was following Ranko’s gentle lead, pushing herself.
His face was tinged slightly pink as he thought about the times he had battled with Akane. Usually it was only when she gained some magical advantage, like the Super Soba, and he couldn’t bear the thought that she could beat him. He’d felt compelled to prove he was better, that he was the best, that he could always beat her. Those few times they’d fought, she’d been so eager to show him that she was an equal, but he hadn’t ever felt he could allow that. Because Saotome Ranma never lost. He hadn’t even thought about trying to improve her skills; all he’d cared about was reestablishing his own supremacy.
Why?
As he watched Ranko and Akane spar, he thought about his goal in life: to be a martial arts sensei, to continue the dojo. Ranko had given up on being a sensei, but she was acting like one, concentrating on the development of her student. When had he ever done that? All he had cared about was winning. What kind of a sensei would he be with an attitude like that?
He’d lived with Akane for a year, and it had taken a girl version of himself from another reality to try to teach her, to help her to improve. I shoulda been doin’ this all along, he thought. His face turned a deeper shade of pink.
After an hour, both girls decided to call it quits. They went off to wash up, and when Ranko returned for breakfast she was wearing the same outfit she had when she arrived: teal v-neck top, jean skirt, and hose. She didn’t say anything about going home, but she didn’t need to: her outfit said it for her. There was little conversation during the meal.
Ranma watched the redhead for a short while, continuing to muse on the differences between them. One of them reminded him of something. “Hey, Ranko, any chance I could get one more violin lesson from you before…” He noticed the ashen expression on Akane’s and his mother’s faces, and left the sentence unfinished. Baka. You had to rub it in, didn’tcha.
Ranko smiled and nodded. “Sure. After we finish sorting through the papers.”
They returned to that task after breakfast; once again, Ranko, Ranma, Akane, and Nabiki made their way through what was left of the stack. As Akane scrutinized each paper, she tried to ignore the little voice in her head which told her to destroy the instructions for Ranko’s return if she were the one to find them.
They hadn’t been at it very long when Nabiki paused, her eyes widening. Suddenly, she drew her breath in sharply. Everyone turned to look at her.
“Oneechan?” asked Ranko, tentatively.
Nabiki swallowed. “It’s another coupon. This one hasn’t expired.”
“Oh?” asked Ranko. “What’s this one for? A free takoyaki at a stand in Sapporo?”
Nabiki shook her head. “It’s… it’s for… one free wish. Whatever… whatever you want.”
Ranko snatched the coupon from Nabiki’s outstretched hand, and scanned it. She read aloud:
One free wish, no restrictions.
This coupon has no expiration date.
This coupon may only be redeemed by Saotome Ranko, daughter born to Saotome Nodoka and Saotome Genma of Nerima ward, Tokyo, Japan, on March 18, 1983, at 7:23 AM. Any version of Saotome Ranko meeting this definition may use this coupon.
Ranko blinked; there were other versions of her, as well? She supposed it made sense.
Instructions: Please write your wish in the space below, and sign your name or use your seal when you are certain of your wish. This will redeem the coupon and cause your wish to take effect.
Note: For best results, sit down, drink a nice cup of tea, relax, and think things through before making your wish. Ill-considered wishes can be hazardous to your reality.
Paperwork reduction act notice: average time to complete this form is twelve minutes, exclusive of time to consider your wish.
There was an empty box below the print, which took up most of the space on the paper, and a line for her signature.
Those who had wondered why Nabiki hadn’t silently kept the coupon for herself had their question answered. A hush fell over the room; this really was a valuable offer.
Ranko gently placed the coupon on the small pile of useful forms. “I’m going to have to think about that one.” They continued working their way through the pile, the mood a little more somber.
The mood was much more somber when, an hour later, they finished off the last of the stack. There had been no sign of Form 109822942-SOR. It just plain was not there.
Nodoka hurried over to embrace her daughter as the redhead burst into tears, even as her face burned with shame at that part of her heart which was rejoicing.
As lunchtime approached, they finished their second pass through the documents. Since they were looking for something specific, it had been quicker than the first. It hadn’t been any more successful, however. They’d looked through every single piece of paper again, and the form simply wasn’t there.
Ranko was huddled with her face buried in her knees as the family looked under and around the table, under the TV, behind the furniture, and generally anywhere they could think of on the off chance the form had fallen from the stack and become hidden. They’d had no luck.
Akane was looking through the small stack of useful forms just in case they’d misplaced it there, and came across the coupon for a free wish. Suddenly, her eyes widened. Part of her heart was screaming at her to keep her mouth shut, but she said “Ranko? You know, if we can’t find the form, you can always use your wish coupon to get home.”
Ranko’s head snapped up, her eyes wide with shock. “You’re… you’re right! I didn’t think of that.” A small smile took root on her face, and slowly blossomed into something beautiful; Akane’s heart gladdened. “Thank you, Sis.” The redhead sighed in relief.
Kasumi looked in from the kitchen. “Akane, would you mind clearing the table off for me? Lunch is nearly ready.”
Akane nodded. “Will do, Oneechan.” She picked up the envelope the papers had arrived in, and picked up a stack from the top of the “useless” pile. Useless though they seemed, it was probably a really bad idea to throw them out without being certain of that.
She stuck a thumb into the envelope to help spread it apart in order to insert the papers with her other hand, and winced; she’d gotten a paper cut from something inside. Curious, she put the papers down and pulled the envelope open with both hands to look inside.
There was a lone piece of paper in the envelope.
Her hand trembling slightly, Akane reached in to withdraw the paper. It didn’t want to come out; it looked like it was stuck on some adhesive from the envelope’s flap. She coaxed it gently, and it came free. As she scanned it, her face turned pale.
It was the form they had been looking for.
“Ran… Ranko?”
Ranko looked up, and felt her heart seize up as she saw Akane reading a form, her face ashen. Slowly, Akane reached out and handed the form over, fighting her desire to tear it to shreds. It wouldn’t do any good anyway; Ranko had her wish to use. And Akane couldn’t do something like that to her.
Ranko took the form, and gasped when she saw what it was. She read it aloud, in a voice that was barely above a whisper:
Form 109822942-SOR (Instructions for Return to Home Reality)
Congratulations! Your mission as a mortal auxiliary is complete. You may stay for a few extra days if you like, but we recommend that you return to your home reality soon. You will find that your presence in another reality can easily cause disruptions for people who know your counterpart there.
Ranko paused to sigh silently in agreement.
Please collect all possessions you had with you when you arrived. Only items that are actually on your person will return with you. If you forget anything and leave it behind, you will not be able to retrieve it later. You may leave things behind if you wish, and you are allowed to take a small number of items from this reality with you as long as they were lawfully obtained. The value of these items may not exceed 50,000 yen.
Remember, you are expressly forbidden to transport objects massing more than one million metric tons, including any celestial bodies, as well any animal or plant that has mythical status in your home reality. Examples of animals that are mythical in many realities include unicorns and dragons. If you are unsure about a particular animal or plant, consult an oracle.
When you are sure you are ready to return, follow the instructions in the box below. If you are prone to motion sickness, you may wish to take some medication before your departure.
There was a large box on the form, which was mostly empty, except for two lines of typewritten text:
Say the words, “There’s no place like home,” and click your heels together three times.
Several jaws hung open, and there was no sound in the room for a few moments.
Finally, Ranko found her voice. “That’s it?!” she shrieked. “That’s the powerful magic we’ve been searching for that will take me home?” She lay the form on the table and put her head in her hands. “I don’t believe this…”
“Well,” observed Nabiki, “I guess someone up there likes old movies.” There were a few chuckles.
Ranko started to brighten. Silly though it might be, she now had the means to go home. All she had to do was follow these simple, insipid instructions, and she’d be back with her Akane… with her mother… with her Ryouga. Her heart ached for home, and she could hardly wait to go; she felt as if she could reach out and touch it. But a glance at the grim expressions of Akane and her mother told her she couldn’t go, not just yet. Soon, though. Soon. A tear rolled down her cheek, which did not escape Akane’s notice.
She moved to help Akane clear the table, and soon Kasumi was serving lunch. There was hardly any conversation, and Ranko, Akane, and Nodoka didn’t seem to have much appetite.
Akane was afraid to ask, but felt she had to. “Ranko, when… when are you planning to leave?”
Ranko stared at the table for a while. “I… I promised Ranma one more lesson. And I want to spend a little time with you, Sis. After that, I think.” She looked up, her eyes wet. “My family… they may not even know what happened to me…”
Akane smiled through her own tears. “I know. You should go as soon as you can.” Akane had only faint memories of her mother’s death, but she remembered this feeling very well: the realization that she was about to say goodbye forever to someone she loved.
Ranma finished her last set of chords with a flourish and a wide grin, and took a bow. This time, they’d been perfect.
Ranko grinned right back at her, and for a moment the two of them shared something that didn’t need to be put into words. “OK, I think that ought to hold you until you can start seeing Kobayakawa-sensei. Don’t wait too long to see her, and keep practicing every day.”
Ranma nodded, and started to put away her violin. She paused for a moment, her eyebrows knit in a frown. “Does… does she know that you used to be a guy?”
Ranko nodded. “Yes. It was all over the school, of course, and she couldn’t help finding out. She never saw me in boy form, though. By the time I met her, I couldn’t change any more.”
Ranma was still lost in thought. “How… how’d she take it?”
Ranko smiled one of her Kasumi smiles. “Don’t worry. She’s a sweetheart; she won’t have any trouble with your curse.” Ranma’s face brightened, and she nodded in relief. “You might want to demonstrate it the first time you meet her, though, just so she knows who you really are. I’m pretty sure she won’t mind teaching you in whatever form works for you.”
Ranma smiled. “Good. I didn’t wanna haveta look for another sensei. She sounds pretty good. Any chance you could introduce me to her?”
Ranko shook her head, smiling. “Ranma, she won’t have any idea who I am.”
Ranma frowned; then her eyes widened. “Oh, right. I keep forgettin’.”
Ranko turned to finish putting away her own violin, and spoke over her shoulder. “Are you ready? It’s time for your chat with Akane.”
Ranma nodded nervously. “Yeah, I guess.” She thought a moment, and her posture changed subtly. “I mean, ‘Yes, I think so.’”
Ranko straightened up. “Come on. Let’s go in the storage closet.”
Ranma blinked. “What for?”
“We have to swap clothes. And I mean everything.”
Ranma stared. “But… but… you’re a girl! You’re gonna… gonna take off…”
Ranko laughed. “If it were anyone but you, I wouldn’t do this. But you’re me, and I’m you, and even though you’re a boy and I’m a girl, I… it just doesn’t feel like that matters in this case. Especially since you’re a girl right now.”
Ranma rubbed the back of her head, a little embarrassed. “I guess not.”
They ducked into the storage closet, and a few minutes later two redheads emerged. One was wearing Chinese clothes and had her hair in a pigtail; the other was wearing a teal v-neck top, a jean skirt, and hose, and her hair was unbound except for a hair ornament.
The one in Chinese clothes turned to the other. “Ready, kiddo?”
The other one swallowed. “As ready as I’ll ever be. Let’s go.” They left the dojo, carrying their violins, and walked back to the house. They went to the living room, where the family was assembled.
Nodoka looked up and smiled. “How was your lesson, Dear?”
There was a short pause before the redhead in the Chinese clothes replied, “Great, Mom! I’m gonna call up that sensei’a hers tomorrow, and see if she’ll take me as a student.”
Nodoka turned to the other one. “You know, I wasn’t sure about this to start with, but I think this will be very good for Ranma. Thank you, Dear.”
The redhead in the jean skirt beamed. “You’re very welcome, Mother.” She turned to Akane. “Sis? Do… do you have some time? I’d like to… to talk to you.”
Akane nodded, her face somewhat grim. She knew that Ranko planned to leave soon afterwards. “Of course, Ranko. Let’s go up to my room, OK?” The girl with unbound hair nodded, and followed Akane up the stairs.
Genma looked up from the shogi board. “Aren’t you going to change back, Boy?”
The remaining redhead paused for a moment. “Think I’ll go work out for a bit before I take a bath.”
Genma grinned. “That’s the spirit! I’d join you but it would be rude to walk away from this game. You go ahead.”
The redhead snorted. “Sure, Pop. Whatever you say.” She turned and walked back towards the dojo.
Akane pulled the door to her room closed behind her and went over to sit on the bed. The redheaded girl who had followed her in hesitated, gazed longingly at the doorknob, then went over and sat next to her.
They looked at each other for a long moment. Unbidden, tears welled up in Akane’s eyes. “So this is it, huh? Goodbye forever?”
The redhead’s face showed pain as well. “Sis… I’m sorry. I… I don’t like seeing you unhappy. I wish there were something I could do.”
Akane blinked; Ranko seemed to be speaking very deliberately, as if she were carefully considering each and every word. She shook her head. “It’s my own fault. I never meant to get so close to you.” She smiled ruefully through her tears. “You made it so easy, though.”
The redhead blushed. “I’m sorry about that.”
Akane’s face screwed up in pain. “Now I’ll never see you again…”
The other girl reached out her hand, pulled it back, hesitant, then reached out again and put it on Akane’s shoulder. “But… but that’s not quite true. You have Ranma, don’t you? He’s… me.” She said it almost as if she were realizing it herself for the first time. “Otherwise you would never have gotten so close to me so fast.”
Akane bit her lip. “Well… you have a point, but I could never have a conversation like this with that baka. I love him, but we can’t seem to go five minutes without starting to fight.” She blinked again, as Ranko grew very quiet and a strange series of emotions played out over her face in rapid succession: amusement, anger, happiness, shame. She didn’t seem to know how to react. Akane couldn’t understand; she’d just made a simple statement, hadn’t she? Why was Ranko so flustered by it?
The redhead seemed to be thinking furiously, and took a long time to reply. “Are… are you sure? He might surprise you. If you love him… if you’re going to… to m-marry him, don’t you need to be his friend, too?”
Akane sighed, a long heavy sigh. “Of course I do, but… it’s been the same story the whole time I’ve known him. He always just says something that gets my goat, and then…” she faltered, “and then I do the same thing to him. I guess it’s my fault, too.”
The redhead blushed. “Maybe… you both need to work on it. I know the things you say to him sometimes… h-hurt him, and he… he doesn’t feel like he can… admit that, because it’s not… manly. But I’ve also seen some of the things he does to you, and…” she lost her voice for a moment, “and I think he’s just starting to realize how those make you feel.” She was quiet for a while. “Like insulting you, or your cooking, or… or refusing to take you seriously as a martial artist.”
Akane pondered that. “I don’t know. When he was so nice about the birthday cake I made, even though it turned out so awful, I… that made me feel really good. I wish he were like that all the time.” She sighed. “I know that in his heart he’s just as sweet and generous as you are, but he doesn’t ever let it show through the way you do. I wish he could; it’s like he keeps his heart behind barbed wire, and it takes a crisis to get it to come out.” The shorter girl winced. “It took me a year to figure that out. I’m beginning to think you’re right, that he’s very insecure about his manhood. Every time he’s about to open up, it’s like this ‘that’s not manly’ reflex kicks in, and before I know it we’re fighting again.” Her face was grim.
The other girl was silent for a while. “I… I… I think you might be right.” She averted her eyes. “Sometimes I think he needs to get away from this… image he has of what he’s supposed to be. I think that’s why he… why he uses his girl form so much.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “He doesn’t want to be a girl, but sometimes I think he gets tired of being Saotome Ranma, man amongst men. Sometimes… he feels trapped by what his parents and everyone else expect him to be.” She paused for a long moment. “And sometimes, being a girl is the only way he knows how to do some things.”
Akane’s eyes were wide. “I wonder if that’s why he thought he was a girl when he hit his head that time? Maybe it was an escape. Did he tell you about that?”
The shorter girl shook her head. “I don’t think he knows himself why that happened. You… you might be right.”
Akane nodded slowly, then blinked. “He’s been telling you all this? He won’t ever tell me things like this!”
The redhead sagged a little. “I… I think he feels safe telling me things like this. We’re the same person, after all.” She smiled nervously.
Akane bit her lip, the tears welling up again. “We’re going to be married, and… and he doesn’t feel safe telling me what’s hurting him. How can we have a good marriage that way?”
The other girl shook Akane’s arm a little. “That’s why… why I think it’s important for… you guys to work on this. You have to learn to… to trust each other. You both need to… open up.”
“Yeah…” sighed Akane. “But where do we start?”
“A talk like this with him might be a good place.”
“With him?” Akane frowned, but it soon faded. “I don’t know… you do seem to be having a good influence on him. He seems to be trying now. Maybe… if we keep working on it…” she trailed off, lost in thought, her eyes unfocused.
Finally she sighed and offered a sad smile. “Maybe he’ll get there eventually.”
The redhead nodded. “I… I think he will. It may take him some time. It took… me a few months, and I’m a… a girl.”
Akane bit her lip. “I just wish it were sooner than months from now.” She looked the shorter girl in the eye. “Because even if he and I get to be just as open with each other as you and I are right now, I’m…” tears started to roll down her cheeks, “I’m still going to miss you.”
“Why, Sis?”
Akane shook her head slowly. “B-because I love you too, Ranko. In a different way than I love my Ranma, but I love you too, because you’re Ranma. Just because you’re so similar to my Ranma doesn’t mean I won’t miss you.” Her voice started to break. “And… and Auntie is about the only person I could turn to for comfort, and she won’t be able to help because… because she’s going to miss you too. And Ranma…” she started to cry in earnest, “Ranma will probably just make fun of me for missing you…”
The redhead looked on in frozen agony for a long time, seeming as if she had turned to stone. Akane, sniffling, finally asked, “Ranko? W-what’s wrong?”
The other girl seemed to want very badly to say something, but couldn’t seem to bring herself to say it. She alternated between looking Akane in the eye and opening her mouth as if to begin, and turning away, as if she were afraid of doing so. Akane shook her head slowly, confused.
After a few repetitions of this, the redhead looked down for a long moment, then looked up, and whispered “Akane?”
Akane grasped her hand. “What is it, Ranko? You can tell me. What’s bothering you so much?”
“Akane, I… I won’t make fun of you. I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I swear it. I never meant to hurt you.”
Akane stared, bewildered. “I don’t understand…”
The shorter girl closed her eyes briefly, as if to gather her courage. “Akane, it’s… it’s me. R-ranma.”
Akane’s jaw fell open. “What are you saying? You can’t be…” she trailed off as the other girl fingered her earlobe, showing it off.
There was no hole in it. The skin was unbroken.
“Ranma?!” Rapidly growing anger clouded Akane’s face, like a swiftly gathering storm. “What… Just what are you trying to pull here? How dare you take advantage of me like this?!” She let go of Ranma’s hand, summoned her mallet and raised it high…
Ranma looked her square in the eye, pleading with her gaze. “Akane… please. Please, let’s talk. Please.”
Akane looked into those startling blue eyes, and somehow, though she knew it was Ranma, she couldn’t help feeling she was still looking at Ranko. She couldn’t understand why. Her anger fizzled, and her mallet with it.
She hunched her shoulders, and the tears came in torrents. “Why, Ranma?” she sobbed, “Why? How could you do this to me?!”
Ranma looked near tears herself. “Akane, I’ve wanted to talk to you this way for a long time, but we weren’t gettin’ anywhere. Ranko and me, we thought maybe if I pretended to be her, you and me could talk. Actually talk. That maybe you could see me as a… a friend, too.” She paused. “And… pretendin’ to be her made it a lot easier to… to say some’a the things I needed to say. Like I said, there’s some things I don’t know how to do any other way. It’s kinda dumb, but it’s true.” A deep crimson flush spread over her cheeks.
Akane was so shocked she stopped crying. “Ranko was in on this? Wait a minute, of course she was… if this is you, then… then that was her!”
Ranma nodded. “Yeah.” A determined look came over her face. “Akane, I don’t wanna haveta be a girl to be your friend, but… but if that’s what it takes, then I’ll be a girl sometimes, dammit. ’Cause I haveta be your friend.” Her gaze was earnest.
Akane’s eyebrows shot up. “You… you mean you really meant everything you said just now? It was all true? All the… all the things about how you felt?”
Ranma blushed again and nodded. “Yeah. All of it. Every word.”
Akane was crying tears of an entirely different kind now. “Oh, Ranma, you baka! Of course you don’t have to be a girl to be my friend!” She threw her arms around Ranma, who hugged her back fiercely. Again she had the odd feeling that this was still Ranko.
“Maybe I need to practice this way for a while. Like with the violin.” They both laughed.
Akane pulled back, and smiled at the petite redhead who was smiling nervously back at her. The eyes, she thought. The eyes, and that unsure little smile. They’re the same. Exactly the same.
Maybe the reason that she was still seeing this girl as Ranko was that in some important ways… that’s who she was.
A redheaded girl in Chinese clothing slipped into the dojo, and promptly sagged against the wall, closing her eyes. She put her hand to her mouth and took a deep breath, then let it out explosively. She hugged herself, and sighed, “Kami-sama, that was scary.”
“I thought Saotome Ranma wasn’t afraid of anything?”
The redhead shrieked and jumped a foot in the air. She turned around to find Nabiki eyeing her coolly.
“O… Nabiki! What’re you doin’ here?”
Nabiki smiled her cheetah-cornering-a-wildebeest smile. “Oh, just wondering what’s going on.”
The shorter girl smiled nervously. “What’s goin’ on? There’s nuthin’ goin’ on! Nuthin’ at all.”
Nabiki’s smile broadened. “Really? Then why did you have Ranko’s violin case, Ranma-kun?”
The other girl froze. “Heh. G-guess I just goofed. They look real similar, right?”
Nabiki nodded. “Of course.” She peered at the redhead’s face. “And when did you get your ears pierced? And grow bangs that need pinning back?”
The redhead sighed and slumped to a sitting position on the floor. “You always could see right through me, Oneechan.”
Nabiki joined Ranko on the floor. “You know, if I had any doubts that you were the same person as Ranma, this harebrained scheme was enough to erase them. That, and your performance. It was more than good enough for everyone else. You would have fooled me, too, if you hadn’t messed up on the violin cases.” She turned to look Ranko in the eye, but her look was not predatory; it was one of intense curiosity. “You really are him, aren’t you.” It was a rhetorical question, but Ranko nodded anyway, blushing and turning her gaze away from Nabiki.
“So what’s this all about? Why did you guys switch places?”
Ranko grew subdued. “It’s Akane. She’s so upset about me leaving, and she and Ranma have such a hard time getting along. We thought that if Ranma could show her that he can be her friend the way I am… that they would get along better, and she wouldn’t miss me so much. We didn’t think she’d give him a chance unless he could get past her defenses.” She looked back to Nabiki, and cringed slightly. “You think it’s a bad idea, don’t you?”
Nabiki grinned. “I didn’t say that. I just said it was harebrained. It just might work; it’s worth a shot, at least. The worst that’ll happen is she’ll brain him again.” Nabiki startled her by putting an arm around her and giving her a squeeze. “Thanks for trying to help the two of them. You’re a sweet kid.” Ranko blushed furiously.
They sat for a few minutes, then Nabiki stood up and offered her a hand. “Come on. You don’t have to hide out here in the dojo. Let’s go sit on the porch and enjoy the sunshine. I’ll run interference for you… Ranma-kun.”
The redhead took Nabiki’s hand and stood up. “Geez, Nabiki. What’s it gonna cost me this time?”
Nabiki threw her head back and laughed. “Touché.” They returned to the house, and passed through the family room, settling down comfortably on the porch.
Genma called from the shogi board, “I thought you were going to work out, Boy! Are you slacking off?”
Nabiki turned and gave Genma a frigid look. “He’s with me.”
Genma narrowed his eyes. “What’s this about?”
Nabiki smiled her best don’t-mess-with-me-little-boy smile. “5000 yen.”
Genma scowled, “Never mind.” He turned his attention back to the game.
For a time, they enjoyed the warm sunshine that fell gently from the cloudless sky, the songbirds serenading the yard with their welcome of the change of seasons, the slow activity of the koi in the pond.
Ranko wondered idly if the weather in her world was the same right now; she supposed she’d find out in an hour or two. Her mind drifted back to what was waiting for her there, and she felt a sharp pang of homesickness. She felt the urge to follow those simple instructions right now, and fought it down; she’d be leaving soon enough.
She wasn’t sure how much time had passed when Nabiki turned to look up at the second story and remarked, “Well, ‘Ranko’ must be pulling it off. I don’t hear any sounds of violence.”
The girl in the Chinese clothes nodded. “Looks like all we haveta do is sit here and wait.”
Just then, a young man vaulted over the wall of the Tendou compound. He looked around, and his eyes fixed on Ranko, his face contorting in anger. “At last I’ve found you, Saotome! You’re going to pay for what you did to me!”
Ranko closed her eyes briefly. Obviously, Ranma still had a source of chaos in his life. She hoped fervently that none of it followed her home.
She stood up. “OK. Who’re you, and what’d I do?”
The man snarled. “I’m Nagahara Masao! Don’t pretend you don’t remember, you bastard! That day on the beach?” He took in the redhead’s totally bewildered look. “You don’t remember, do you, you scum! You flirted with me, you got me to take you for ice cream! Do you know how humiliated I was when I found out you were really a guy? My friends all laughed their asses off!” While he was talking, the rest of the family came out onto the porch to watch.
Ranko looked Nagahara over again; he appeared to be in his late twenties. She glared at him in a decidedly unmanly fashion, and her speech slipped. “And just what were you doing hitting on a high school girl at your age, if I might ask?” She was starting to think she approved of Ranma’s taking advantage of this jerk.
Nagahara—not to mention the parents and Kasumi—seemed taken aback by the flash of feminine anger. “That’s not important! What is important is that I’m going to make you pay for it.” He sneered. “I heard you were a martial artist. Well, I got news for you, buster! I’m a martial artist, too, and I challenge you!” He assumed a ready stance.
Ranko sighed; she couldn’t very well sully Ranma’s honor while playing his part. “I accept your challenge.” She assumed her own ready stance, and eyed the man’s sloppy posture; he was clearly a beginner. Good—she’d be able to defeat him without hurting him too much. “So how long have you been a martial artist, Nagahara-san?”
He started circling her slowly, in a comicly exaggerated way. “I’ve been studying for a whole year, so you’d better watch out!”
She raised an eyebrow as he nearly stumbled over a small rock. “That long, huh?”
He reddened. “Well, OK, it was part time. I was studying for my CPA exam, and that took a lot of time. But I passed that two months ago, and I’ve been spending a lot of time on martial arts since then!”
Ranko felt a buzzing sensation in her ears, and the world seemed to swim slightly around her. “What… what did you say?”
Masao smirked. “I said, now that I’m a full-fledged CPA I’ve been spending a lot more time on martial arts!” He was totally unprepared for what happened next.
Saotome Ranma, martial arts master, put her fists to her mouth and screamed like a woman.
Ha, thought Masao. He’s obviously not as tough as I heard. They never are.
Akane and Ranma were smiling at one another when a scream of pure terror came from outside. They let go of each other and stood up. The scream was followed shortly by shrieks of “watch out!” and “be careful!” and “don’t do that!” The voice was a familiar one: Ranma’s own.
Ranma’s eyes widened. “That’s Ranko! She’s in trouble!” She flashed to the window and was gone. Akane blinked, and ran for the stairs.
Ranma dashed across the roof, cursing the long, narrow denim skirt. How can she run in this damn thing? Guess she doesn’t have to…
She reached the edge facing the koi pond, and looked down to evaluate the situation. There was a young man—who looked somewhat familiar—chasing Ranko around the yard, while the family looked on, stupefied. He was attacking her with the moves of a clumsy beginner, and every time he threatened to stumble or overextend himself and pull a muscle Ranko would shriek another warning.
Ranma had no idea what was going on, but she leapt down, tucking her legs slightly to keep her skirt from turning into a parachute. She had a moment to reflect sadly that not too many guys knew how to jump off a roof wearing a skirt.
She landed in between Ranko and the intruder, who skidded to a halt, his jaw falling open. Akane arrived on the porch a moment later.
Ranma spoke over her shoulder without turning around. “Why didn’t you just take care of this bozo yourself? You could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind your back!” The man scowled.
Ranko clutched at Ranma’s shoulders and peeked over them from behind. “But he’s a CPA!” she wailed; tears started to trickle down her cheeks.
Ranma tried to process that and failed. “So?”
“It was on the form! If I injure him in any way, I’ll be… I’ll be erased! I’ll have never even been born!”
The truth of the situation finally sank in for the rest of the family. “Ranko?” gasped Nodoka, speaking for everyone. “Ranma?”
The intruder didn’t like being ignored. “Get out of my way! This is a fight between me and that lousy coward Ranma. I guess you must be his sister or something, but this is none of your business!”
Ranma stepped forward, her fists balled. “Who’re you callin’ a coward, jackass? I’m Ranma. She’s Ranko! What the hell are you lookin’ for me for, anyway?”
The man boggled, then resumed glaring. “Nagahara Masao. The beach. That triple hot fudge sundae.”
Ranma furrowed her brow, then broke into a smile. “Oh yeah. Thanks. It was yummy.” She patted her stomach and batted her eyelashes coyly.
Nagahara snarled and charged, and suddenly found himself lying on his back, the wind knocked out of him. Ranma’s petite foot was planted on his chest. How had that happened? He hadn’t even seen her move!
“Look, bozo, you were hittin’ on me, even though you’re ten years older. You offered to buy me ice cream. All I did was say ‘yes.’ And now you’re goin’ around attackin’ innocent people.” Ranma increased the pressure of her foot on the man’s chest. “People who can’t fight back.”
Akane hurried over to embrace Ranko, who was still trembling from fear of what might have happened. Suppose Nagahara hadn’t mentioned his profession? She felt faint.
Ranma noticed that Nagahara was staring up at her in a peculiar way, but she couldn’t figure out why. He nodded curtly. “All right. I yield.” Ranma stepped back, and Nagahara got to his feet. He turned to Ranko and bowed slightly. “I’m sorry, Miss. You look just like your sister.” He turned to Ranma. “And my asshole friends told me you were a guy. That’s why I got mad. I’m really sorry, I guess they were pulling my chain.”
Ranma growled again. “I am a guy!”
Masao frowned, confused. “Really? I mean, I heard about the curse, so I can understand the swimsuit at the beach. But if you’re a guy, why are you wearing a skirt now? Not to mention pink striped panties…”
A moment later, he was a dwindling dot in the azure spring sky, Ranma’s and Akane’s fists raised in salute to his departure. Ranko blushed scarlet; it was her underwear Nagahara had been peeping at, even if Ranma was wearing it at the moment. She shivered and relaxed a bit. “Thanks, guys.” She managed a nervous smile. “I would have done that myself if I could.” They all started to laugh.
Nodoka marched over, and the laughter died. “Ranma.” Her tone was stern.
Ranma felt her blood turn to liquid nitrogen. “Y-yeah, Mom?”
“I want to see you and Ranko in the dojo. Now. I’d like both of you to explain why my manly son is wearing… pink striped panties.”
End Chapter 5
Saturday, January 13, 2001
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