With the ever-growing number of first time concert goers, it seems a fitting opportunity to review some of the basic rules of concert etiquette. It is not conducive to increasing attendance to have the uninitiated be embarrassed by clapping at 'the wrong time' (or in the wrong time) or by having an untimely page while an artist is midway through the Bach Chaconne. To prevent such unfortunate faux pas, let us commence with our overview.
At formal concerts it is considered extremely poor taste, having arrived late to the concert, to barge into the concert hall while the artist is in the middle of a piece. Under such circumstances, the tardy arrival should wait until applause is heard and then enter the hall with as little hubbub and as much alacrity as possible. Be aware, however, that alacrity does not mean that one should run to the first vacant seat, nor should one leap over concert goers who are already seated. Yanking audience members from their seats in order to secure them for yourself is also generally frowned upon.
Fits of coughing are a no-no. Should one strike you, try to stifle the cough as well as possible. If this, as is often the case, proves to be unsuccessful, leave the hall as discreetly as possible.
Discussing the performance while it is in progress is also in poor taste. Generally, if play-by-play is required, the performer will provide it before he begins. Asking your neighbor which movement the artist is playing is also discouraged except during applause. Similarly, one should avoid creating any sort of light so that one can see the program while the performer is engaged in his performance. A flashlight, no matter how small, can cause a significant distraction for the artist. Using a butane lighter might cause the artist to become confused, thinking himself at a rock concert, particularly if the lighter is waved back and forth in time to the music. Torches are generally discouraged, particularly by the fire marshal.
Etymologists worldwide understand that etiquette has nothing whatsoever to do with dining. Carrying food into the concert hall is considered terribly bad form. Generally speaking, the crunchier the food, the worse the offense; however, texture of the food in question is not the sole determining factor. Something as innocent as hard candy can be extremely gauche should the wrapper be of the extra- snappy variety. Drinks are forbidden for obvious reasons: should they be alcoholic in nature, it would be the fumes rather than the performer that would be intoxicating; should they be of the soft variety, the possibility of blowing bubbles through the straw or loudly snapping off the pop top rears its ugly head. Bottled water, particularly of the carbonated kind, when opened often provides an embarrassing moment for the drinker and those around him. The only exception to the food ban occurs at the annual members' concert - at which time you don't have to bring anything!
When is the proper time to clap? Logically, when the piece has ended. When does the piece end? When all of its movements are complete. One will often notice that some pieces of music are composed of several movements. Suites, for example, often begin with a Prelude (go figure) and end with a Gigue. While most performers will graciously acknowledge applause mid-suite, the proper time to applaud is after the final movement of the piece, not at the end of each movement. While not high on the gauche meter, premature applause of this sort labels one a new-comer to concerts of all types. What is high on the gauche meter are the aforementioned offenses: blatant tardiness compounded by premature entrance, candy eating, torch bearing, or - the worst of all offenses - cell-phone/pager offenses.
Of all mankinds' creations, perhaps the worst insofar as concert hall etiquette is concerned is the cell-phone/pager. Having one of these creations bleep in mid-concert is, without a doubt, one of the worst faux pas in the concert world. Having one that plays a competing tune instead of a ring or buzz is the only thing worse, with the possible exception of assassinating the artist in mid-piece. Here are several suggestions to ameliorate this unfortunate circumstance. First, leave the phone/pager at home. Second, leave it in the car. Third, one could switch the switch to vibrate. This option might be particularly alluring and add to the listener's enjoyment, especially during the playing of romantic pieces. Finally, one could take the perverse instrument and smash it into a million pieces, although this might prove as much a distraction as the noisy candy wrapper. Where this topic is concerned, the only way to escalate the cell-phone/pager offense would be to actually take the call in the concert hall and engage in a conversation. The Commonwealth is currently considering elevating the status of this behavior to a capital offense.
Concert hall etiquette is something everyone can benefit from. I have avoided other more serious breaches such as throwing food, challenging the performer to a fight, roller blading down the aisles (particularly tempting to X-Gamers because of the pitch of the floor), trying to pirate a video of the performance, etc, as being such obvious misbehaviors as to preclude the need for discussing them.
-- Ken Pfeifer