Perfection

"Yeah, I've thought about it..." Nichole replied rather uncertainly, and took a bite of her toast. It was an excuse to stop talking for a minute. She chewed thoughtfully for a few moments.

James was too nervous to wait, though. "Well, what have you thought?"

"Please, James," Nichole replied somewhat testily. "Can't I eat?"

"Of course you can eat, Nikki, it's just that..." he didn't know what to say.

"I realize this is important to you," Nichole said soothingly. "That's why I need to give it some real thought."

"We've been dating for two years!" James exploded suddenly. "'I want to wait until I get out of college,' you said. Well, we're out of college! Now is the time to get married if we ever will. I thought you wanted to get married."

"Of course I do, Honey," Nichole tried to be as defusing as possible, "but I'm just not sure if I'm ready yet."

"Oh please!" James said sarcastically. "You're a grown woman, Nichole. You're out of college. You're just going to get a job and put off getting married until retirement, is that it?"

Nichole set her cup down violently, almost sloshing its contents onto the table. "I think we're done talking for now, James," she said curtly. "I'm going to go into the other room and read. We can continue this conversation some other time."

Without waiting for James to reply, Nichole got up from the table and walked briskly into their bedroom, in the back of her brother's apartment. Nichole and James were staying with Nichole's brother Jake until they had more concrete plans. Silently and fiercely, Nichole went about getting her book and sitting down on bed, resting her back against the headboard. It was quite clear that she did not want James coming into the room.

Screw it, James thought to himself, still sitting at the table in the dining room. She doesn't want to get married fine... but I am not going to just sit around for the rest of my life waiting for her to be "ready."

Nichole looked up, then back down. "I don't want to talk, James, I'm not in the mood."

"Please, just let me apologize. I've been acting like an incredible jerk. I can't believe some of those things I said. I don't blame you for not wanting to marry someone as idiotic as that."

Nichole softened somewhat, setting her book down on her lap. "Oh, it's not that. It's just... I'm just not ready yet, James."

"I understand, Nichole. I'm just so glad... I'm just so glad that we're together. I don't need anything else but you, Nichole, and if you're not ready then I don't want to pressure you into it."

"Oh, James, thank you so much for understanding," she said, rising up joyfully to embrace him, letting her book fall unnoticed to the floor.

"Come on, let's go do something. I don't want to sit around here all day. Let's go to a movie and get some lunch."

"That sounds great, James," Nichole said, smiling broadly. "Let's go."

James was washing his hands when he heard the door close. Quickly shutting off the water and drying his hands superficially, he went out of the bathroom. "Nichole!" he cried in question, almost, but he knew it couldn't have been anyone else. Jake was still at his office down town. "Shit," he muttered under his breath, and sat down on the couch.

"Oh, let's go in there!" Nichole said laughing, pointing out the window of their cab to a clothing store.

"Do you really want to?"

Nichole stopped laughing. "No... no, I was kidding. You hate that store, remember?"

He shrugged, "Eh, if you want to..."

"No, no, don't worry about it, Honey," Nichole said. "So, what movie do you want to see?"

"Oh, there's that new one coming out... the one with Julia Flockheart. Doesn't it come out today?"

"Julia... Flockheart?" Nichole said questioningly. "I thought you hated her."

"But you're always talking about her movies, wouldn't you like to see it?"

"Oh, I wouldn't make you go see that. Isn't the new Kevin Smith movie coming out today? That's something we can both enjoy," Nichole said with a smile.

"If you like, Dear."

"Wow, you certainly are exercising restraint. You've been talking about that movie since three months before anybody else knew it was even being made."

"Whatever makes you happy."

Nichole's brow furrowed, and she looked over at him quizzically. "It would make me happy," she said flatly. "Let's go see it."

"All right, Sweetie."

The sounds of keys in the lock on the door were lost on James, who lay asleep on the couch. Jake almost laughed when he walked in to see James' figure slumped over on the couch, jaw hanging open, until he noticed how red James' eyes were.

"James?" Jake asked, setting his keys down on a table by the door. The noise made James' eyes flutter open.

"Oh, Jake... oh, fuck..." he said, eyes coming into focus.

"James, what the hell is going on? Why have you been crying? Is Nichole all right? You know you can call me at work if anyth---"

"Nichole is... is fine. Nichole is fine. Sorry. You can tell? Damnit..." James slowly sat up, trying to get his bearing, blinking the sleep from his eyes. "I probably should go. I... I don't really know what happened. I think Nichole and I may have broken up... I... I'm sorry Jake... I'll get out."

Jake was alarmed now. "Where is Nikki?" he asked.

"I'm... I'm not sure. She said she was going to go read and then she just... left. I didn't get a chance to ask her why.

"We were talking about... she was... I was trying to talk her into getting married."

"But she doesn't think she's ready. And I kept pressuring her and... and then she said that we were done talking and---"

"Calm down, James. It's ok. Don't worry. I'm not going to kick you out just because you and Nikki had a little spat."

"Oh, God, I wish I knew where she was." James had gotten up and was turned to go into the bedroom, but was frozen there.

"Sit back down, James." Jake sat on the couch and indicated that James should take a seat next to him. James complied.

"I know how you feel, James," Jake started. "It's not easy for me, being gay. I can't get married. The government wont let me. Do you know what that's like? To be told by your own government that you can't marry the person you love? And me and Tom have been together for over seven years." Jake paused. "Seven years, three months and eight days, actually." James laughed. "We probably would get married, if we could, but we've been together over three times as long as you and Nikki, and our lives are set. You and Nikki are both in flux right now. You need to give her some space, let her decide for herself what the next step in her life is going to be. You and her love each other, and that's great, and some day you will no-doubt get married... but you both need to be ready for it."

James swallowed. "Yeah... you... you're totally right." He sighed. "It's just so hard for me, you know? It makes me wonder if she really... you know... loves me as much as I love her."

Jake smiled and looked down. "Yeah, I understand. You just have to have faith, James. She loves you, I know. Believe in it. Love is a wonderful thing, but you can't catch it and put it in a bottle. You can't constrict it or quantify it. You just have to let it flow through you. And as long as you can do that... well, you'll be all right."

"That was a great movie, huh?" Nichole said, as they stepped out of the theater onto the sidewalk, hand in hand and smiling.

"Yeah, Kevin Smith is great."

"Not as great as Julia Flockheart," Nichole said, teasing him.

"No, I suppose not."

Nichole frowned. "Well, you wanna go get something to eat?"

"Yeah, sure do. How about Indian?"

"Oh, that sounds perfect," Nichole said smiling. "And I know there's a place right by here."

"Two blocks east and three north. Shall we walk or take a cab?"

"...I didn't know you had eaten at that Indian place before. Why didn't you take me?"

"Oh, I haven't. This will be my first time. Yours too."

"...Yes... How did you---"

"That's not important. Let's walk, ok?"

"Yeah... ok... that's what I was going to suggest."

"Great." He smiled, and reached out to take Nichole's arm.

She accepted, somewhat hesitantly. "I really liked the part of the movie where the guy and the girl realize what had been going on the entire time. You remember that one? I think that was my favorite scene. What was yours?"

"Hmm, I hadn't really thought about it before. I think that one might be my favorite too." He smiled at her.

"Actually.," she said, not pausing to think, "my favorite scene is probably the one at the very beginning, while they're all in the car together. Wasn't that a great scene?"

"Yeah, it was. Now that you mention it, I think I like that one better than the one near the end."

"Mmm-hmmm..." Nichole replied, lost in her own thoughts.

"Hey, you know what I just remembered? That new Kevin Smith movie comes out today!" James called over to Jake. James was rummaging in the refrigerator for some leftovers, Jake sat at the table eating a bowl of chili he had heated up in the microwave.

"You should go see it," Jake said.

"What?" James asked, straightening up to look over the door of the refrigerator. "Go without Nichole? You know how much she loves Kevin Smith."

"Yeah, but I want to talk to her in private a little when she gets home. Besides, I'm sure you wouldn't have a problem with seeing it more than one, mm?"

"No, I guess not, but..."

"Really, don't worry about it. I want to talk with my sister alone before she sees you again."

"What are you goi---"

"Don't worry, James," Jake said, smiling over to him. "I'm on your side, man. But I understand my sister, and I understand how she feels."

"Ok..." James said uncertainly. "I guess I'll get a bite on the way then. ...Thanks for... um, thanks for all that---"

"Like I said, James, don't worry about it," Jake said, smiling again. "I don't know why everything wouldn't be perfectly fine."

"Yeah... yeah, ok... I'll be back in a few hours then," James said, going over to the door, getting his wallet from the little table that sat next to it. "See you in a bit."

Nichole tried the doorknob to the apartment and was surprised to see that it turned easily. She looked in. "Oh, Jake," she said, surprised. "I expected that you would have left to go back to work already. You're supposed to be back by one."

"They can deal with it," Jake said, flippantly, "I've put in enough overtime to retire by now."

Nichole smiled and swung the door open, stepping inside. Following close behind her was James.

Jake's eyebrows shot up. "Oh, I see you two found each other on the way, well..."

"What?" Nichole asked, taking off her jacket and hanging it up. "We've been together all morning."

Nichole didn't understand Jake's look of confusion. "I don't understand..." he said.

Nichole gave a little laugh. "I don't see what's so hard to understand, Jake. We went out to catch a movie and have a bite to eat."

"But... James, you just left here a few minutes ago..."

"No I didn't, I don't know what you're talking about."

Jake was suddenly very disturbed, and stood up, putting down the magazine he had been reading. "Yes, you did. Just about ten minutes ago you left to see a movie. You were here when I came in for my lunch break at twelve. What's the matter with you?"

"Jake!" Nichole protested. "Really, Jake, calm down! You are mistaken, James had been with me all morning. He hasn't left my side since eight this morning."

Jake stood motionless, his eyes scanning James. "Something's not right here..." he said slowly. "James, how much do you weigh?"

"I know that," Nichole said, "he weighs one-fifty."

"Look at him," Jake said, "does he look like a man who weighs one-fifty?"

Nichole glanced over at James. He did look somewhat larger, but... "Whatever he looks like, that's what a man who weighs one-fifty looks like. He was on the scale just the other day."

"Sit down," Jake said, looking at James and motioning to a chair. Jake sat down next to it. When James had come over, Jake sat his elbow on the table and opened his palm. "Let's arm wrestle, James. I know I always beat you, but I want to try it again anyway."

"If you insist, but I hate doing this. It's degrading to always lose."

"I know," Jake said. "I wouldn't ask you, but... Ok, one, two, three, go."

At once they were straining. The force each was putting into the match was evident on their faces. Nichole looked on dumbfounded, unsure of what had gotten into Jake. Slowly, James overpowered Jake, pushing his hand down to the table. Nichole's eyebrows raised. "But... Jake always beats you at arm-wrestling..."

"Thank you, James," Jake said, getting up. Turning to Nichole, he gestured to the bedroom. "We have to talk, Sis." He lead the way into the bedroom.

As soon as Nichole was through the threshold, Jake closed the door behind them to shut out their conversation. Nichole turned on Jake wildly. "What the hell has gotten into you? What's going on?"

"Something weird, Nikki, something very weird. I don't understand it, but that guy out there... he isn't James. I don't know who he is, but he's playing a trick on you. He's a con man or something. I don't know... something. You have to believe me. James was here asleep on the couch when I came home for lunch. He had been crying all morning... here, alone in the apartment."

"A con man?" Nichole bust out wildly. "What the hell are you talking about. The man out there who you are talking about is the James. You don't think I would know my own boyfriend? An to insinuate that the man out there is a crook... He's perfect!"

"I noticed that..." Jake said, his brow furrowing. "Jake is a cute guy -- believe me, I've noticed -- but the guy sitting out there is ripped. I mean he is buff. I could feel the strength when we were arm-wrestling. James could never beat me before. And the guy sitting out there must way two hundred.... two twenty even."

"I can't believe you... that's it? That's your whole argument?"

"I was sitting here talking to James while you two were gone! Why can't you believe me?"

"How can I believe you, Jake? That's crazy! To say that the man sitting out there isn't James is absurd, and I think you know that."

"I know it, I know it," Jake said brusquely. "But... I know that I'm not crazy! Was there nothing at all strange about him this morning?"

"Well, I guess he did seem a little odd, but we had just had a fight and---"

"Odd how?" Jake asked quickly.

"Oh, I don't know. Like... he couldn't answer a question without knowing what I wanted to hear first. Don't read too much into it, Jake, he was just trying to be sweet."

Jake walked to the door and opening it. "Jake?" he called.

"Jake... what did you and I do last Thursday when Nichole went to Betty's baby shower?"

"Last Thursday...?" James trailed off.

"Yes, last Thursday. Don't you remember? We dropped Nichole off at Betty's house and then we went to the pool hall?"

"Oh... oh yeah! That's right, I remember now. Why?"

"Nothing, never mind. Thanks," Jake said, closing the door again.

"'Betty'?" Nichole said incredulously. "I don't have a friend named Betty. Last Thursday was the day all three of us went out to hear that band your friend Mike plays in."

"Apparently I know that and you know that, but our friend out there does not."

"I... Oh my God... That means..."

"I don't know how Slick out there smoothed out your relationship woes so fast, but it was not James who you've been with all morning. According to the actual James, you left before you and he had smoothed out your differences."

"That means that..."

"And before we worry about having a psycho in the living room, I want to say a few other things."

Nichole swallowed, and nodded, too shocked to speak.

"James -- the real one -- is a good guy. He's cute, he's intelligent, and he's loving. But he's stubborn as an ox, and deep down that's one of the reasons you love him."

"I... I don't know. I guess so, but sometimes..."

"Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes things don't go exactly the way you want them to."

"All morning with Ja--- with that man out there.... everything was the way I wanted it."

"But it wasn't real!"" Jake said emphatically.

"If he can make me feel good, if does all the things... makes all the things I want happen, than what's not real about that?"

"What's not real is that guy out there."

"He is real! You arm-wrestled with him yourself! How can you say that?"

"He isn't the man you love!"

"He's everything I want," Nichole said, almost in a whisper.

Jake was silent. Then, "Are you really willing to throw him away like that? Are you really willing to just forget the past two years?"

"He is the man I love! He is everything I see in James!"

"Except all the parts that annoy you from time to time?"

"And why shouldn't it be so? What have I done in my life to deserve anything but the best?" Nichole was trying to hold back tears now.

Jake softened when he saw her weakened state. "You do, Sis, you deserve the Universe. But he's not the same man..."

Nichole sobbed. "I want to be alone now," she said, timidly. "Please?" Her voice was pleading.

"All right, Sis, all right. Just call if you want me." He got up and kissed her on the top of the head, then turned and left.

James walked down the hallway to Jake's apartment. He was a bit nervous, so instead of trying the door when he reached it, he knocked timidly.

"Hello?" The voice on the other side was muffled by the door, but it sounded almost like his own.

"Jake?" he asked uncertainly.

"Jake's not available right now. Who is it?"

"This is James, I live here with him. To whom am I speaking?"

"I think you'd better come in," was the succinct response.

James weakly reached for the doorknob and swung open the door. Sitting on the couch he saw himself, or at least a twin brother he had never known.

"Who... are you?" James asked in awe.

"Who do I look like?"

"You look like my twin or something, but I didn't---"

"Not to far removed."

"What?" James was still dumbstruck.

"I'm you, only better. I am you as you should be."

"What does that mean?" James asked, confused.

"I am you as Nichole wishes you were."

"Hold on just a second," James said, suddenly swallowing back rage. "What do you know about my girlfriend?"

"I know that she deserves better than you. She deserves me."

"What the hell does that mean? I love Nichole more than you or anyone else could."

"But I treat Nichole exactly as she should be treated. I do everything I should without question. Nichole is my only concern."

"Woah, I'm glad the world hasn't exploded." Jake stood in front of the closed door to the bedroom.

"Jake! What the hell is going on?"

"I'm not really sure, James," he replied, "I wish I knew."

"Where is Nichole? Is she all right?"

"She's as good as any of us are, with the possible exception of Rambo over there. She's in the bedroom right now, she wants to be alone."

"Like hell," James said, starting for the bedroom.

James double caught his arm in an iron grip. "Let her be alone if that's what she wants."

"Get your hands the fuck off me," James said angrily. "I am going in there to see my girlfriend."

James was released. "Do as you will, but don't be surprised when she dumps you for me."

Rage swelled up in James chest again, but he suppressed it. "We'll see," he said sharply, and kept on over to the bedroom door. He knocked lightly on it.

"Go away," came the muffled response from inside.

"I have to see you," James said, opening the door just enough to stick his head in. "Please, Nikki?"

"Oh God, James..." Nichole was curled up with the blankets pulled around her, facing away from James. He opened the door enough to step inside and closed it behind him.

"I'm sorry about this morning," James said, going to sit next to Nichole on the bed. "I shouldn't have pressured you like that."

"Taking lessons from the other James, eh?" Nichole asked sadly.

"No... Actually, you're brother. Jake helped me realize how stupid I was being. I was waiting for you to come back, but---"

"Then where were you when we got home?"

"Well, I was just about to say. See, I was gonna wait, but Jake says, 'No, you should go see the new Kevin Smith movie.' And you know how hard it is for me to resist Kevin Smith... I would have stayed anyway, but he said he wanted to talk to you in private."

Nichole smiled into the sheets of the bed, though James couldn't see her face. "I know it's hard for you to resist Kevin Smith. We saw a movie today too."

"Oh God, not that new Julia Flockh---"

Nichole laughed. "No, not that one. We saw the new Kevin Smith movie too."

"Hmmm, maybe Bruce Blockbody in there doesn't have entirely bad taste."

"I knew there was a reason I loved you," James said, leaning over to kiss her cheek. She was smiling, but he could taste the salt from her tears, and it made his stomach churned. "I wish you weren't so sad..."

"What was your favorite scene?" Nichole asked suddenly.

"What? My--- Oh... my favorite scene from the movie. Remember at the end, when the guy who was acting like a jerk comes back and apologizes, and the girl forgives him? I really, really liked that part... What about you?"

Nichole laughed a little and turned over on the bed so that she was facing James. "You're right, that was the best part." She sat up and hugged James as hard as she could.