Return to Administrators Return to Litter Box Return to Dave's Home Page

Welcome to the Home-Page of the SS

Get the Latest News here:

Latest News: SIU Chosen to Run Iraq!!!

SIUC Moves from Ecru to Turquoise Alert!!!

Strike Averted - Invasion of CIU Planned Instead!!!

Money Saving Tips for Families during Crisis

Faculty Lobotomy Program Prevents Strike

 

Situations Vacant: 

Jobs available in the security industry

Middle Eastern Puppet Dictatorship Seeks New Leader
 

The Saluki Security Alert System

Our new system is designed to provide SIU personnel with a color coded scale of appropriate alertness in response to detected, perceived or imagined threats and/or presumed, possible or plausible terrorist activity.

The originally proposed series of alerts had 5 levels, numbered 1 - 5. However, this system was discarded as too confusing for most Americans, due to their lack of advanced mathematical ability. In particular, it was unclear whether code 1 was the lowest or highest state of alarm.

Instead, the alert levels will be ranked by colors. The director of homeland security picked green, blue, yellow, orange, and red. However, as the result of an ongoing dialog between the Office of Affirmative Action and the Saluki Antiterrorist Command (SAC), a greatly improved scheme has been devised that uses traditionally under-represented colors. Who today would countenance the use of terms such as Yellow Peril or Red Threat? Moreover, the system has been made substantially more informative by providing more levels and separate warnings for each SIU campus.

Official Saluki Security Alert Colors:

Possible Threat

Carbondale
Springfield
Edwardsville

Marginally conceivable

avocado
chartreuse
mignonette

Significantly marginal

turquoise
lavender
periwinkle

Marginally significant

goldenrod
umber
saffron

Conceivably significant

sienna
tangerine
fuchsia

Significantly substantial

magenta
pomegranate
burgundy

Substantially significant

persimmon
carmine
puce

Yes, its true, ecru is not in the table. However, SAC felt that a level of alertness intermediate between goldenrod and sienna was called for. So to keep things brief and to the point they picked ecru.

Saluki Security links

Several SIU employees have questioned whether ecru is even a genuine color. Cerise ("Cherry") B. Carnelian who has just graduated with an MBA from SIU-C, claimed that an ecru was a unit of currency used in Lithuania. However, according to Amber R. Topaz, Assoc. Prof. of Fine Arts, while ecru is indeed a color it is not intermediate in shade between goldenrod and sienna. In response, N. Ron Anderson, SAC spokespatriot, stated that negative comments like these only confused loyal Americans and made things easier for the terrorists.

Bin Cloned

Taliban Christmas Carol

Do your duty - fill out the Saluki
Bioterror Hazard Form

Return to Administrators Return to Litter Box Return to Dave's Home Page