Money Saving Tips

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Money Saving Tips for SIU Families

Wifey Wendler is worried about the families of low-paid SIU employees. "I told Wally that the wives and children are just innocent bystanders. Some of them might have been married to rich administrators if their miserable lives had turned out better", she said. So Wifey has got together with other wives from the higher administration to form the Administration Wives Outreach League. Here are some money saving tips AWOL has put together to help the little people.

Make sure to keep warm in this cold weather. Buy a stack of military surplus blankets. These may be had for the alarmingly low price of $30 per dozen. Color shades vary slightly - our choice. Shake out any fleas and ticks into the ratatouille (see below) for extra protein. Cut a hole in the middle and wear as a poncho. Tie them at the waist with old pantyhose. For your kids, cut holes for head and arms in empty garbage bags. Use the heavy-duty bags for sub-zero temperatures.

Cut up old pantyhose and use as coffee filters and to cover dishes when you microwave.

Remember to save the wax paper bags from inside empty cereal boxes. Use them for storing road-kill finds in the freezer until it is time to cook them. The wax paper bag from a family size box of corn flakes can easily hold a dead squirrel or rat.

Avoid expensive fast food. Plant your own potatoes, turnips and tofu bushes. After your hubby has been on strike for 6 months, you will have a secure supply of nutritious veggies.

MMmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!

Replace expensive bathroom tissue with cut-up newspaper. The DE usually seems to end up in bathroom stalls anyhow. Those of you with contacts in Morris Library might think of putting the Ph.D. dissertations in education that are stored in the basement to a better use.

Some yummy recipes to keep you strong and healthy at a low, low price

Don't neglect road-kill. Squirrels, raccoons, and the occasional cat or dog can provide much needed protein for the whole family. This is especially important for growing children or mothers-to-be. The wife of one of SIU's innumerable vice chancellors contributed the following recipes:

Apple and Roadkill Casserole

Scrape up one squashed possum or raccoon.

Marinate overnight in 50:50 soy sauce and light beer.

Throw in some windfall apples.

Cook in a crock-pot for a really long time.

Ratatouille (rats for tea)

Catch two rats (mice will also do, but use four)

Toss rats into a large pot with three tea bags and a quart of water

Boil over burning brushwood for 60 mins.

Enjoy!

Yuck-a-Mole - Don't waste those pesky moles that dig up your lawn.

Mix two moles, a generous handful of dirt, a dozen large earthworms and two handfuls of grass in a quart baking dish.

Hammer flat.

Put in oven for 2 hours at medium heat.

Garnish with a sprig of something leafy.

Bon appetit!

Unwanted puppies can substitute for moles in the Yuck-a-Mole

Home-Made Soup

Don't buy pre-made soup in cans or even packets. Keep the peelings from potatoes, carrots, onions and other veggies. Cut into smallish bits and boil for a while. Just like mother made during the Great Depression.

Meat Lover's Peanut Butter Delight

Mix one-half can of cat food, one tablespoon of old coffee grounds and one tablespoon of peanut butter. Put into zip-lock bag and carry with you for a warming and yummy snack when picketing.

Family Values

We all know that children often ignore the presents and play with the boxes. So save yourself the expense - when their birthdays come round just give your children old boxes stuffed with newspaper. They will have just as much fun as if you got them expensive presents, and it will help stimulate their imaginations.

If you are really hard up, you can always sell your children on the black market for hard cash. Many couples rejected by adoption agencies are willing to pay top dollar for kids, especially those from white middle class families. Remember, it is better for children to be brought up by adopted parents who want them than risk psychological damage by living in the homes of greedy, ungrateful faculty who just don't appreciate what the administrators of this great university have done for them.

Return to Administrators Return to Litter Box Return to Dave's Home Page

Return to SNIDE TALK	STRIKE AVERTED
Turquoise Alert - Administrators to be Vaccinated against Smallpox	Wendler Announces Invasion of Central Illinois University
Faculty Lobotomy Program	Administrators form Union of their Own!!!!

Wifey Wendler is worried about the families of low-paid SIU employees. "I told Wally that the wives and children are just innocent bystanders. Some of them might have been married to rich administrators if their miserable lives had turned out better", she said. So Wifey has got together with other wives from the higher administration to form the Administration Wives Outreach League. Here are some money saving tips AWOL has put together to help the little people.
Make sure to keep warm in this cold weather. Buy a stack of military surplus blankets. These may be had for the alarmingly low price of $30 per dozen. Color shades vary slightly - our choice. Shake out any fleas and ticks into the ratatouille (see below) for extra protein. Cut a hole in the middle and wear as a poncho. Tie them at the waist with old pantyhose. For your kids, cut holes for head and arms in empty garbage bags. Use the heavy-duty bags for sub-zero temperatures.
Cut up old pantyhose and use as coffee filters and to cover dishes when you microwave.	Remember to save the wax paper bags from inside empty cereal boxes. Use them for storing road-kill finds in the freezer until it is time to cook them. The wax paper bag from a family size box of corn flakes can easily hold a dead squirrel or rat.
Avoid expensive fast food. Plant your own potatoes, turnips and tofu bushes. After your hubby has been on strike for 6 months, you will have a secure supply of nutritious veggies.	MMmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!
Replace expensive bathroom tissue with cut-up newspaper. The DE usually seems to end up in bathroom stalls anyhow. Those of you with contacts in Morris Library might think of putting the Ph.D. dissertations in education that are stored in the basement to a better use.

Don't neglect road-kill. Squirrels, raccoons, and the occasional cat or dog can provide much needed protein for the whole family. This is especially important for growing children or mothers-to-be. The wife of one of SIU's innumerable vice chancellors contributed the following recipes:	Apple and Roadkill Casserole Scrape up one squashed possum or raccoon. Marinate overnight in 50:50 soy sauce and light beer. Throw in some windfall apples. Cook in a crock-pot for a really long time.
Ratatouille (rats for tea) Catch two rats (mice will also do, but use four) Toss rats into a large pot with three tea bags and a quart of water Boil over burning brushwood for 60 mins. Enjoy!
Yuck-a-Mole - Don't waste those pesky moles that dig up your lawn. Mix two moles, a generous handful of dirt, a dozen large earthworms and two handfuls of grass in a quart baking dish. Hammer flat. Put in oven for 2 hours at medium heat. Garnish with a sprig of something leafy. Bon appetit!	Unwanted puppies can substitute for moles in the Yuck-a-Mole
	Home-Made Soup Don't buy pre-made soup in cans or even packets. Keep the peelings from potatoes, carrots, onions and other veggies. Cut into smallish bits and boil for a while. Just like mother made during the Great Depression. Meat Lover's Peanut Butter Delight Mix one-half can of cat food, one tablespoon of old coffee grounds and one tablespoon of peanut butter. Put into zip-lock bag and carry with you for a warming and yummy snack when picketing.