Emeritus Park

At a time in history when no one seems to care, we at SIU are proud to differ. We present our total Life and Afterlife Fulfillment Package - siuLife. This includes a job, a mortgage, a retirement home, post-living options (burial or cremation), discount tickets to the game, and if necessary an arranged marriage (with imported 3rd world brides).

Amenities include:

•     Monorail link to new football stadium.
•     Special housing for special cases.
•     Free communal walking frames.
•     Organized outings to riverboat casinos.
•     Goldman’s Corral: onsite early-bird buffet from 3:15 to 4:45pm

Phase I:

Southern Hills Emeritus Employees Park

After demolition of Southern Hills, we will be providing high quality assisted living for emeritus faculty.

see map below