Latest Monster Sightings (and Feelings!!!)

Tentacle Seen in Women's Bathroom
Last week an SIU teacher received the fright of her life while using the women's bathroom in Life Science III. A damp icky tentacle slithered from one of the stalls and curled around her ankles. "She was hauling me in, when she just let go," sobbed the female faculty member, who asked not be named. Opposite is a sample of tentacle pieces left on the bathroom floor and below is a patch of slime from the victims ankle (magnified x100).
	Our dietary experts believe that Sally, the Campus Lake Monster, is growing hungry due to the shortage of undergraduates on campus during the inter-session. In desperation for a square meal, Sally must have wriggled her tentacles all the way from Campus Lake through the sewer and drainage system to Life Science III. Why did the victim escape with no more than slimy ankles and psychological trauma? According to informed sources, the monster is apparently keeping to its politically correct diet. This means it will not normally eat tenured faculty as they are undeniably middle class, whatever pretensions they may make of fashionably liberal views.
What should you do to ensure your personal safety? Our panel of monster experts all agreed: First, keep calm and don't panic. Second, carry your American Express card at all times while in tentacle range of Campus Lake. Wave it in front of the monster if it appears. Membership cards for the NRA or Republican Party also work. Third, if questioned, do not admit to knowing Paul Simon or Fidel Castro.

More on the Monster
Sally the Monster takes an evening swim Is Campus Lake still safe?? Where did the Monster come from? Sally the Monster Home Page Fidel Castro Claims Monster	Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster Sally & Nessie can Disassemble Saga of the Were Potato Return to Litter Box Return to Dave's Home Page

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