Like most other
bizarre observations, the Loch Ness Monster has at last been
explained by modern science
Even if you didn't want to, you must have
heard of biodiversity. Until recently it was believed that
the greatest source of biodiversity was the zillions of
nasty little insects in the rain-forest canopy. At least
this myth was romantic - if you like creepy-crawlies. But
science moves on. Recent investigations have shown that the
oceanic mud in the Rockall trench off the North of Scotland
is far richer in biodiversity than all the romantic
rainforests in the world together. Far, far worse, is what
the ocean trench mud is diverse in! Yuck! Uggghhh!
Nematodes!!!
Nematodes are nasty wiggly slimy worms.
Many of them are welfare worms - creepy parasites that live
inside animals and people. At least those in the ocean
trenches wiggle around in the mud and earn their own living.
What's more, the discovery of these nematodes has solved the
long-standing problem of the Loch Ness Monster.
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The Loch Ness
Monster is Really a Communal Microorganism
For many weary years credulous retards
have maintained that an antediluvian monster inhabits Loch
Ness - perhaps even one last surviving dinosaur. Why is
Nessie never there when you want her? Even if she's a bit
shy why has she never been detected by sonar? If there is
only one of her, who does she mate with? Is there a secret
passage to the sea down which Nessie conveniently slips
whenever a diving team explores the loch?
The truth is that Nessie is just a
temporary aggregate of sex-crazed worms. Because you are the
sort of ignorant schluck who believes in modern day fairy
tales like Nessie (why else are you reading this?), you are
probably totally unaware that microscopic amoebas known as
slime moulds come together to form visible clumps every now
and then. So why shouldn't nematode worms snuggle together
for breeding purposes too? Maybe they do, and maybe, just
maybe, the communal nematode looks like a giant worm! Has
anyone ever seen Nessie's legs or flippers? Why not? Because
they don't exist of course! When disturbed, this gigantic
super-nematode simply disassembles into lots of
teensy-weensy microscopic worms. So Nessie is actually a
communal microorganism. These are not even noticed by the
feeble-minded investigators who are so fixated on their
fantasy of a monster that they fail to notice the zillions
of little worms right under their noses!
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