Where Did the Monster Come From??
Origins of the Monster Monsters like Bigfoot and Nessie are usually assumed to be relics from prehistoric times, lonely survivors of a past age, preserved by unique conditions. Modern molecular genetic analysis suggests just the opposite. What we are seeing are the frightening results of instant evolution in a world out of balance.
	Nearly a decade ago some white slimy unidentified blobs were seen slithering on the floor at the back of a classroom in Quigley Hall on the SIU campus. At the time they were reported as cultures of dangerous bacteria - a mistake only possible for ignorant observers utterly lacking any knowledge of microbiology. Modern scientific opinion suggests that the facts are far, far worse. These things were actually free-living tumors.
These free-ranging cancers arose in a cockroach living in the biological research labs in the basement of Lindegren Hall. Here, year after year, the roaches have been exposed to radiation and toxic mutagenic waste by slovenly scientists. A few years ago, one of these insects was accidentally irradiated in a microwave oven by a graduate student cooking lunch. The half-cooked roach crawled unnoticed into the lunch-box and was put back into the fridge where it sucked down a half-full can of caffeine-free diet soda. This resulted in the formation of lethal tumors and the death of the unfortunate insect. However, the tumors lived on and can move around by a disgusting pulsating slithering movement.
	These white slimy cancerous blobs are exceedingly dangerous. They are still found lurking in unlabeled containers waiting for unwary victims to peer too closely. Once in range, they jump onto the victim's face and slither up the nasal passages to the brain. Cerebral degeneration follows inevitably and reduces the victim to a state where he or she searches continuously for forms to fill out in triplicate, then, as the disease progresses, in quadruplicate, pentuplicate, etc.
It is now believed that the colossal increase in the number of university administrators over the last decade is due to the spread of this parasitic paperwork-inducing tumor throughout the Carbondale campus of SIU.	Please, oh please, give me some more forms to fill out!!!
It seems that one dark day in the year of the Millennium, one of these white slimy blobs merged with another creature to create the ghastly denizen of Campus Lake. What other creature could possibly contribute 50% to a new monster that eats undergraduates yet still has the potential to be a major tourist attraction? A close friend of the victim, who asked not to be named, has given us an exclusive eyewitness account. Read about the Monster Merger

More on the Monster
Sally the Monster takes an evening swim Is Campus Lake still safe?? Where did the Monster come from? Sally the Monster Home Page Fidel Castro Claims Monster	Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster Sally & Nessie can Disassemble Saga of the Were Potato Return to Litter Box Return to Dave's Home Page

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