Southern 151:

"Building Mediocrity Through Conformity"

You talked. We didn't bother to listen.

Thanks to you we've made a mediocre institution even worse. For months we have been asking faculty, researchers and students what would help advance their work. And then we just ignored it like we always do.

Objectives of Southern 151

• $151,000 per year pay-raise for the SIU president
• Creating a ratio of 151 administrators to every 10 faculty and 1000 students
• Promoting political correctness at the expense of academic freedom
• Promoting mediocrity in place of quality education
• Promoting conformity in place of self reliance

  

Southern 151 - Programs and Initiatives
Implementation Schedule	New Enrollment Initiatives
SIU's New Image	More New Enrollment Initiatives
Official SIU Clothing	New Academic Programs
Lowered Productivity Awards	New Fund-Raising Initiatives
New SIU Calendar	New Weekly Schedule

Implementation Schedule

Phase Zero

• Set up committees of administration stoolies
• Screen committees to make sure no-one is admitted who:
  • subscribes to freedom of speech
  • has original thoughts
  • shows signs of independence

 Phase One

• Committees fail to choose any priorities because everything is equally important
• Glossy brochure published at great expense by a university that cannot even provide students with printed class timetables

Phase Two

• University departments hassled to provide plans for sharing in the Great Leap Forward

Phase Three

• Present administrators leave SIU for higher pay elsewhere and abandon Southern 151, leaving the unworkable charade to those who follow

The New SIU Image:
New Logo, New SIU Mascot and Officially Approved SIU Clothing

The new SIU logo represents our total inability to set priorities. Everything is more important than everything else.

SIU is committed to inclusiveness and the celebration of all life. We have therefore chosen the zucchini from the non-violent plant kingdom to accompany the Saluki as our pair of mascots.

Official SIU Recipe
SIU is the first university, planetwide, to institute an official recipe!!!

zucchini and saluki stir fry

1. Crush an old Saluki under a real heavy weight til totally flat. (Any other kind of dog will do at a pinch; squirrels and racoons may be added when cooking for a large family.) Scrape off as much of the hair as y'all can before getting bored. Cut into one inch squares.

2. Marinate flattened meat overnight in a bowl of Illinois wine or local moonshine.

3. Pour off marinade and chug it down while doing steps 4 and 5. Seems a shame to waste good liquor.

4. Dice some zucchinis into half inch chunks.

5. Mix veggies and meat chunks and fry `em in a skillet. Stir good.

6. Serve tossed over slices of plain white bread.

Yyyummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Official SIU Clothing is now available in several alternative styles By Fall 2004, all university employees in administrative offices will be expected to comply with the official dress code
The new logo is proudly worn on the hat.	Understated yet tasteful. Let Saluki maroon speak for itself.	Logo on jacket, initials on the hat.

 

Lowered Productivity Awards

 Lowered productivity is a vital part of the politically correct vision for mediocrity in education. It is the moral duty of everyone who believes in social justivce to unite in lowering standards and decreasing efficiency in order to make the disadvantaged feel at home. These awards are intended to pave the way for SIU151 by rewarding those who are already putting our vision into practice.

1. Medical School Problem Based Group Learning

This program vastly increased the number of faculty needed to teach the same number of medical students with no increase in quality of education. We congratulate the SIU Medical School on mindlessly copying educational gimmicks that were introduced on the East Coast but failed to work.

2. Multiculturalism in place of Mathematics

Replacing difficult and challenging courses with low grade political propaganda provides the less intelligent with self respect. SIU is proud to be part of a consortium of politically correct universities developing Undernet II. Sometime next year we can expect to see the release of NTML - Non-Threatening Multicultural Language. This will allow everyone to communicate, balance their bank accounts, navigate airplanes and run the national electrical grid without any math beyond counting on the fingers.

3. Hiring the Unqualified

Each time that a less qualified applicant is hired based on race or gender instead of ability represents another blow struck for decreased efficiency and the Democrat way of life.

4. Foundation Money Loser Accounts

By placing contributions in special loser accounts, under the care of the SIU Foundation, they will actually decrease in value. This illustrates Saluki solidarity with the disadvantaged.

5. Travel Funding Micro-Management

By splitting travel money into many small accounts administered by multiple administrative units, refunding a single student for a single week long conference can take three vouchers, six accounts and nine months to process. Our hope is that it will eventually cost more to process travel vouchers than the cost of the trip. Checkout the new SIU travel guidelines.

6. Installation of Oracle

The installation of user-hostile accounting software can confuse everybody and create vastly increased levels of paperwork. Visit the Oracle System!