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Southern 151 - Programs and Initiatives |
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New Fund-Raising Initiatives |
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New Weekly Schedule |
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First Prize: Ph.D. in Taskforce Education(SIU employees, relatives of SIU higher administrators and persons with IQ greater than 100 are ineligible) Second Prize: Master's in Gender Studies(SIU employees, relatives of SIU higher administrators and persons of male gender are ineligible) Third prize: Bachelor's in Multiculturalism(SIU employees, relatives of SIU higher administrators and persons of European or Asian descent are ineligible) |
If this is flashing you have just won a free BA from SIU!!!! |
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Tickets to the Saluki lottery may be purchased from any SIU departmental office upon presentation of a valid SIU ID or upon making any casual, informal, unofficial or doubtful claim of possible future enrollment of yourself or any member of your family alive or dead. In accord with SIU's commitment to social justice, the cost of lottery tickets is pro-rated upon income*: $25.15 for those with income under $8,235 per year $35.50 for those with income between $8,235 and $11,975 per year $45.75 for those with income between $11,976 and $14,845 per year $50.50 for those with income between $14,846 and $21,933 per year $55.65 for those with income between $21,934 and $28,031 per year $75.50 for those with income between $28,032 and $37,444 per year $85.60 for those with income between $37,445 and $46,812 per year $95.25 for those with income between $46,813 and $59,233 per year $105.45 for those with income of $59,234 or ABOVE per year * Proof of identity and salary must be presented upon purchase. |
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SIU is eager to comply with the "Americans with No Abilities Act", passed in the last years of the Clinton Administration. However, SIU intends to dress up its lack of academic standards in order to provide an illusory feeling of achievement to those it admits merely because they are breathing and pay fees. Applicants will not be admitted just because it makes Mom and Pop happy. They will take an impressive battery of new tests designed to replace exams like the SAT and MCAT that place unfair emphasis on intelligence and studying. PSAT: The Parasitism and Socialism Aptitude Test investigates the applicants willingness to accept and live on public funds. VDAT: The Victim of Discrimination Aptitude Test checks the ability to blame all personal failures on others and whine about victimization. MCAT: The Mediocrity and Conformity Aptitude Test measures the basic abilities needed to enjoy life under a liberal administration. For entry into Graduate School, further screening is required: DRE: The Democrat Record Exam &endash; asks whether the applicant's parents consistently voted Democrat and whether the applicant will continue this tradition if admitted. |
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