WARNING: If you fail to
pay up, you will get your own fat back plus a lot of other
peoples lard too!! It has been known since
time immemorial that the luscious, scantily-clad houris seen
in the harems of middle-aged middle-eastern potentates
remained slim, svelte, supple, and sensuous despite sitting
around all day on satin cushions, giggling, gossiping and
gulping down pound after pound of turkish
delight. How did they do it? All
life-like depictions of the harem show it guarded by eunuchs
-- sometimes fat and jolly, sometimes fat and bored,
sometimes fat and nasty, but always FAT. A universal
misapprehension is that the mission of the eunuch was to
apprehend missing misses. Not so. In fact the role, or more
usually rolls, of the eunuch were actually rolls of fat.
Surplus fat accumulated by the indolent harem cuties was
transferred to the bodies of the eunuchs by the power of the
pyramid. The eunuchs were just living land-fills for lard
from ladies of leisure living before liposuction. This
secret was passed from nubile Nefertiti to coy Cleopatra,
and from her to sensual Scheherazade, sex-symbol of the
Arabian Nights. From her, it came to the present,
pulchritudinous population of the Saudi Royal Harem - - and
so back to the good ol' USA by a health conscious veteran of
Desert Storm. What does it mean for
you? Thanx to Sphinx Products, you can buy a faithfully
fabricated scale model of the Great Pyramid of Cheops,
engraved with the magic hieroglyphs for fat transfer -- the
Transphat. To use it, simply place a stone, equal to the
weight of fat you want to lose, inside the Transphat
pyramid. And, hey presto, ipso fatso, the excess weight will
be transferred overnight. Transferred, you might
ask, to who? (Or even, to whom? -- if you were sufficiently
educated.) Better not ask -- they might sue. Just trust the
pyramid! How much does it cost?
Only $400 per pound of flesh. We supply you with a
Transphat. You supply us with $400 for each pound you want
to lose (a mere $25 per ounce). We will arrange the
transfers.
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