The Biotechnology Zone

Bringing you the benefits of modern technology!
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Evolution Update

Recent work on natural selection has revealed a novel aspect of human evolution.

 

Some other aspects of human genetics have also recently come to light:

Ethics in Science Section
bringing you the latest in moral concern

A plea to animal lovers everywhere! Please write to your congressman in support of legislation to replace laboratory rats with university administrators. Three good reasons why:

  • There are more administrators than rats
  • Federal regulations allow administrators to be kept in cheaper, less hygienic conditions than animals, thus saving research funding
  • Scientists sometimes get to like their rats


Ultrasonic Nuisance Repeller

Get rid of pests and nuisances the hi-tech way!!!

No poisons or toxic chemicals. Harmless ultra-sonics drive annoying pests away leaving you and your cat in peace.

Choose from Four Settings:

  • Insects and other Creepy Crawlies
  • Mice, Rats and other Small Animals
    Annoying People:
  • M = Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses etc.
  • A = Administrators

  

Typing Induced Testosterone Shortage

Sperm counts in American men have been steadily decreasing for the last half-century. Some investigators have suggested this is due to pollutants that mimic female steroid hormones in the environment. But what major change in lifestyle occurred precisely during the critical time period? The intrusion of the personal computer into our culture has meant that every day millions of males degrade themselves in female roles by typing on keyboards. Everybody knows that dictation is the male role and typing the corresponding female role. When did you ever hear of a female dictator?

But what most people do not know is that recent studies, suppressed by the computer industry in collusion with the liberal academic establishment have revealed an insidious effect of typing that makes carpal tunnel syndrome pale into insignificance. Each time a male finger hits a letter on the keyboard, millions of testosterone molecules passing through the blood vessels in the fingers at the time are degraded by the androgynotactopsychochemicohydrodynamic effect. The result is Typing Induced Testosterone Shortage or TITS.

What can be done for men with TITS? Sadly, once the syndrome is fully developed, there is little to be done except find a job appropriate to the female role, such as university administrator or liberal arts instructor.

WARNING: THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU!!!

What can you do personally to avoid cyber-castration? Two solutions exist for this awful dilemma. Firstly, TITS is fortunately only caused by typing words. Playing computer games not only fails to degrade testosterone, but macho, shoot-em-up, destructive games can reverse the TITS effect and testosterone molecules are resynthesized from the fragments. Wimpy role-playing games are not beneficial.

Secondly, the development of voice recognition software allows you to avoid fingertip contact with the letter keys. By telling the computer what to type, in a commanding masculine voice, the operator once again assumes the traditional male role and reduces the computer to a surrogate female typist. If you buy voice recognition software, remember to rename your hard drive with a feminine name, such as Buffy or Cinderella.

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