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Administrative Disinformation System Training Program

Welcome to the Oracle training center!!

The ADS office is offering training on the following convenient dates: April 1, 2003, April 1, 2004 and April 1, 2005 from 7:15 am to 5:30 pm. Training will be on a first come-first served basis. Don't expect bathroom breaks, food, water, coffee, tea, amusement, excitement, anything interesting, proper air conditioning, a comfortable chair, or dancing bears. Purchasing is strongly urging you to take advantage of these scheduled training sessions. [If you don't we won't even answer our phones, let alone help you when you call us with questions.]

Since the implementation of ADS over three years ago, Purchasing has been entering the releases and receipts for all departments that were not trained for these responsibilities. Our present mission is to roll out our jobs and dump our work on the departments. The final stage of this program should be complete by August 18th, 2003 - just in time for the start of fall semester. At this time, all Purchasing employees will officially retire to Bora Bora.

Training of a new departmental buyer

Training of a new departmental receiver

Oracle training has a profound effect on both the personality and the hair. Here we see the effect of one of SIU's Oracle training session on two subjects.

Physiological Results of Oracle Training

Some early victims were examined for the effects of exposure to Oracle training sessions on the central nervous system. It was concluded that Oracle training made subjects more centrally nervous.

Enlarged brain cell that has taken Oracle training scratches inside of brain cavity in frustration.

Comparison of brain function before and after Oracle training.

Below: Healthy brain before Oracle training. Below: Frazzled brain after Oracle training.

Other Administrative Links
Back to Oracle Home Page

Want a job as an administrator? Administratium

View our special new feature:
SIU Distance Administration The Carbondale Axis of Evil

First Administrators in Space Form Fulfilment Centre

Return to Litter Box Return to Dave's Home Page

Training of a new departmental buyer	Training of a new departmental receiver


Oracle training has a profound effect on both the personality and the hair. Here we see the effect of one of SIU's Oracle training session on two subjects.

	Enlarged brain cell that has taken Oracle training scratches inside of brain cavity in frustration.
Comparison of brain function before and after Oracle training.
Below: Healthy brain before Oracle training.	Below: Frazzled brain after Oracle training.

Other Administrative Links	Back to Oracle Home Page
Want a job as an administrator?	Administratium
View our special new feature: SIU Distance Administration	The Carbondale Axis of Evil
First Administrators in Space	Form Fulfilment Centre