Return to Administrators Return to Litter Box Return to Dave's Home Page

Form-Fulfilment-Center

The Saluki Center for Accessing Bureaucracy (SCAB) proudly presents an interim initiative that seeks to serve the university community by integrating Judeo-Christian and multicultural values. From ancient times, those with true religious insight have viewed forms as an integral part of divine revelation. As Genesis 1 verse 2 puts it: "And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep." It is well nigh impossible for those of us who grew up in a world privileged with forms in triplicate (or more), to understand this tragic deficiency.

Want an Administrative Position?? Click Here

Feel free to fill out these forms and share them with your friends. Enjoy!! Daywatch

The Form on Forms

Download all 4 forms as Microsoft Word file Sexual Harrassment Consent Form

Graduate School Admission

DAYWATCH !!!

Part 1

As part of its ongoing program to increase administrative oversight, inflate petty bureaucracy and expand regulation of everything conceivable, SIU wants to know what you are doing at all times of the day and night.

How many hours did you spend last week?

How many hours did you save last week?

How many hours did you sleep last week?

How many hours are there in a week anyway?

How many hours have you wasted in your life?

How many hours have you worked in your life?

How much money have you made in your life?

How much per hour is that on average?

What are you doing now?

Why?

Do you often feel the world would be better off without people like yourself cluttering it up?
Yes No

Part II

For each of the following activities indicate how much time (to the nearest 1/10th second) you spent on it.	Last Year	This Year
(A) Activities Related to Self-Realization and Actualization
(1) Visiting the bathroom
(2) Cruising the Web
(3) Playing computer games
(B) Activities Related to Improving Your Self-Image
(1) Applying cosmetics
(2) Standing outside the building smoking
(3) Picking your nose, scratching your butt, or fiddling around with some irritating personal blemish or defect
(C) Furthering the Siblinghood of Primate-Kind by Multicultural Dialecticalism
(1) Fantasizing about how much fun it will be at the next meeting
(2) Sucking up to administrators
(3) Filling out stupid questionnaires
(D) Leisure Activities
(1) Do you have any leisure time?	Yes No	Yes No
(2) Why?

Return to Top of Page Return to Administrator Appreciation Center

The Form on Forms

The "Saluki Participation in Administrative Multiculturism" (SPAM) program will allow everyone to share in all aspects of establishment bureaucracy. To get this initiative underway, all members of the university community must fill out this form in octuplicate. One copy must be sent to each of: Illinois Board of Higher Education, SIU Chancellor's Office, Vice-Chancellor for Administration, Affirmative Action, University Legal Council, Dean's Office, and Departmental Office. Due to the union contract, you must also send a copy to your Union representative. We apologize for this extra and undue burden.

Part 1

Answer the following, taking into account that each copy of a form scores one point. Thus forms filled in duplicate score two points, in triplicate three points, etc.

How many forms did you fill out last week?

How many forms did you fill out last month?

How many forms did you fill out last year?

How many forms have you filled out in your lifetime?

How many forms do you fill out in an average week?

How many forms do you fill out in an average month?

How many forms do you fill out in an average year?

If you believe in reincarnation, please answer the following:

Were you previously reincarnated as a human?
Yes No

When exactly were you previously incarnated?

How many forms did you fill out in your previous lifetime?

How many forms do you fill out in an average lifetime?

Part II

	Do you find filling out forms:
	a) The high point of an otherwise dull and futile existence
	b) An unassuming but vital way of sharing in societies achievements
	c) A right royal pain in the butt
	If you chose (c), explain where your hostile attitude to society comes from:
	a) Deprived childhood
	b) Parents who smoked
	c) Dropped on head when very young

Return to Top of Page Return to Administrator Appreciation Center

SEXUAL HARASSMENT CONSENT FORM

Name:

Sexual Preference

Social Security Number:

Female to Female:

Department:

Female to Male:

Academic Position:

Male to Male:

Home Phone:

Male to Female:

Office Phone:

None of the above:

Date of Birth:

All of the above:

I consent to the following forms of sexual harassment:

Salutary greetings:

Yes No

Hands on other (please specify):

Yes No

Eye to eye contact:

Yes No

Heavy breathing in ear:

Yes No

Eye to bust contact:

Yes No

Heavy breathing on neck:

Yes No

Eye to butt contact:

Yes No

Groping:

Yes No

Hands on shoulder:

Yes No

Lip to lip contact:

Yes No

Hands on waist:

Yes No

Other (please specify):

Yes No

Hands on tushie:

Yes No

All of the above:

Yes No

This form is to be reviewed by immediate superior annually, prior to performance rating and evaluation.

I certify that I will accept sexual harassment from:

Anyone: ____ Anyone but: ________________ Only: __________________

SIGNATURE: _________________________________ Date: ______________

GRADUATE SCHOOL ADMISSION FORM

New and improved state regulations have mandated that all universities institute programs to recruit a politically correct multicultural mixture of students into their graduate programs. All applicants must therefore provide the following information about themselves, about all their friends, about all members of their family, about all members of their friends families and about all friends of their families members.

Section 1. - General Information

1. Name

2. Relationship to applicant (e.g. mother, divorced wife's attorney, childhood friend, cousin's best friend, mother-in-laws'-friends'-brother etc.):

3. Height and Weight

Height (cm) Weight (kg)

4. Age

Age now Age at birth

5. What is your IQ?

less 0-50 50-100
100-150 150-200 more

6. What is your sex:

M F XYY XXY
Hermaphrodite Neither Other

Section 2. - Political and Religious Commitment

10a. (Male applicants only) Are you a:

Fascist Pinko Don't Know Don't Care

10b. (Female applicants only) Are you a:

Feminist Bimbo Loving wife/caring mother

Vital Statistics (cm):

Bust Waist Hips

Do you shave your armpits?

Yes No Don't care

Color of hair:

Natural blonde Dyed blonde Other

11. What is your favorite religion:

Moslem (Shi'ite) Moslem (Sunni side up)
Mormon Papist Rastafarian
Republican Vegetarian
Social Darwinist Other

Section 3. - Ethnicity and Geocentricity

12. Are you English?

Yes No Don't Know

If not, why not?

13. Are you a citizen of an ex-British Colony?

Yes No Don't Know

If so, which?

14. Even if you answered both Q12 and Q13 "No", can you at least speak English?

Yes No Don't Know

If not, why not - and your explanation had better be convincing!!!

15. What is the color of your skin?

Freckled Tanned Other

16. Does the Earth orbit the sun or vice versa?

Yes No Don't Know

Section 4. - Habits and Hobbits

17. Do you drink?

Yes No Don't Know

List all the alcoholic drinks you have consumed in the last three years (attach extra sheet if necessary):

18. Which soft drink do you prefer?

Classic Coke Diet Coke New Coke
Cherry Coke Pepsi Squirt

If you chose New Coke, explain:

19. Do you smoke?

Yes No Don't Know

What?*

20. Do you gamble?

Yes No Only if it's a sure thing

If yes, give details of all losses and winnings of more than $1.25 in the last three years (attach extra sheet if necessary):

21. Can you cook?

Yes No Only in microwave

What are your specialities?

22. Do you chew?
Gum Nails Tobacco

* [If you omitted marijuana from your answer, both state and federal laws designed to protect the innocent mandate that you must provide evidence of your innocence. Six urine samples are needed, one for your Department, one for the University, one for your State Government and one each for the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the ATF and the Drug Enforcement Agency.]

Return to Top of Page Return to Administrator Appreciation Center

Return to Litter Box Return to Dave's Home Page

Feel free to fill out these forms and share them with your friends. Enjoy!!	Daywatch
	The Form on Forms
Download all 4 forms as Microsoft Word file	Sexual Harrassment Consent Form
	Graduate School Admission

How many hours did you spend last week?
How many hours did you save last week?
How many hours did you sleep last week?
How many hours are there in a week anyway?
How many hours have you wasted in your life?
How many hours have you worked in your life?
How much money have you made in your life?
How much per hour is that on average?
What are you doing now?
Why?
Do you often feel the world would be better off without people like yourself cluttering it up?	Yes No

How many forms did you fill out last week?
How many forms did you fill out last month?
How many forms did you fill out last year?
How many forms have you filled out in your lifetime?
How many forms do you fill out in an average week?
How many forms do you fill out in an average month?
How many forms do you fill out in an average year?
If you believe in reincarnation, please answer the following:
Were you previously reincarnated as a human?	Yes No
When exactly were you previously incarnated?
How many forms did you fill out in your previous lifetime?
How many forms do you fill out in an average lifetime?

Name:		Sexual Preference
Social Security Number:		Female to Female:
Department:		Female to Male:
Academic Position:		Male to Male:
Home Phone:		Male to Female:
Office Phone:		None of the above:
Date of Birth:		All of the above:

Salutary greetings:	Yes No	Hands on other (please specify):	Yes No
Eye to eye contact:	Yes No	Heavy breathing in ear:	Yes No
Eye to bust contact:	Yes No	Heavy breathing on neck:	Yes No
Eye to butt contact:	Yes No	Groping:	Yes No
Hands on shoulder:	Yes No	Lip to lip contact:	Yes No
Hands on waist:	Yes No	Other (please specify):	Yes No
Hands on tushie:	Yes No	All of the above:	Yes No

Section 1. - General Information
1. Name
2. Relationship to applicant (e.g. mother, divorced wife's attorney, childhood friend, cousin's best friend, mother-in-laws'-friends'-brother etc.):
3. Height and Weight	Height (cm) Weight (kg)
4. Age	Age now Age at birth
5. What is your IQ?	less 0-50 50-100 100-150 150-200 more
6. What is your sex:	M F XYY XXY Hermaphrodite Neither Other

Section 2. - Political and Religious Commitment
10a. (Male applicants only) Are you a:	Fascist Pinko Don't Know Don't Care
10b. (Female applicants only) Are you a:	Feminist Bimbo Loving wife/caring mother
Vital Statistics (cm):	Bust Waist Hips
Do you shave your armpits?	Yes No Don't care
Color of hair:	Natural blonde Dyed blonde Other
11. What is your favorite religion:	Moslem (Shi'ite) Moslem (Sunni side up) Mormon Papist Rastafarian Republican Vegetarian Social Darwinist Other

Section 3. - Ethnicity and Geocentricity
12. Are you English?	Yes No Don't Know
If not, why not?
13. Are you a citizen of an ex-British Colony?	Yes No Don't Know
If so, which?
14. Even if you answered both Q12 and Q13 "No", can you at least speak English?	Yes No Don't Know
If not, why not - and your explanation had better be convincing!!!
15. What is the color of your skin?	Freckled Tanned Other
16. Does the Earth orbit the sun or vice versa?	Yes No Don't Know

Section 4. - Habits and Hobbits
17. Do you drink?	Yes No Don't Know
List all the alcoholic drinks you have consumed in the last three years (attach extra sheet if necessary):
18. Which soft drink do you prefer?	Classic Coke Diet Coke New Coke Cherry Coke Pepsi Squirt
If you chose New Coke, explain:
19. Do you smoke?	Yes No Don't Know
What?*
20. Do you gamble?	Yes No Only if it's a sure thing
If yes, give details of all losses and winnings of more than $1.25 in the last three years (attach extra sheet if necessary):
21. Can you cook?	Yes No Only in microwave
What are your specialities?
22. Do you chew?	Gum Nails Tobacco
* [If you omitted marijuana from your answer, both state and federal laws designed to protect the innocent mandate that you must provide evidence of your innocence. Six urine samples are needed, one for your Department, one for the University, one for your State Government and one each for the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the ATF and the Drug Enforcement Agency.]

Form-Fulfilment-Center

Feel free to fill out these forms and share them with your friends. Enjoy!! Daywatch The Form on Forms Download all 4 forms as Microsoft Word file Sexual Harrassment Consent Form Graduate School Admission

DAYWATCH !!!

Part 1

Part II

The Form on Forms

Part 1

Part II

SEXUAL HARASSMENT CONSENT FORM

GRADUATE SCHOOL ADMISSION FORM

Feel free to fill out these forms and share them with your friends. Enjoy!! Daywatch

The Form on Forms

Download all 4 forms as Microsoft Word file Sexual Harrassment Consent Form

Graduate School Admission