Housework

This has been a beautiful weekend here. Clouds are rolling in now, but it's getting dark anyway, so I don't mind.

Apart from offering a couple of comments at Shelley's weblog and others', I didn't do much online. What I did do was a lot of housework.

Normally, I hate housework. Well, that's not exactly true. Normally, I can't be bothered to do it; there's always something more interesting I'd rather do instead. But today it was different, in a way that a lot of mundane, routine things often are. It was kind of a break from all the breathless urgency of the internet, and the earnest, tireless efforts of so many well-intentioned people to make the world a better place, perhaps through exhaustion one begins to think.

Not only did I do the usual dishes, laundry and vacuuming, I dusted!. I think it's the first time since I moved into the place a little more than a year ago. I also bagged up a bunch of crap to throw away. Yes, I know there is no "away" into which "crap" may be "thrown" that isn't someone else's habitat. I'm too exhausted to worry about that now. See para 3 above.

I chatted with my folks yesterday, on the occasion of their 50th anniversary. Pretty amazing, if you ask me. With a little bit of luck, the judge will sign my divorce agreement this Friday and my marriage will be officially over. It's been unofficially over for about six years now. That's been an ordeal. I've made every mistake one can make in seeking a divorce, some of them twice. I could write a book. But I probably won't.

The law of Conservation of Misery being what it is, just as it would appear that the major source of drama in my life is about to be resolved, a new source appears. Most of that is in my head, but then suffering is the difference between the way things are and the way we want them to be, so it almost always is. More stuff to work on and figure out. I think it does make one a better person, in some respects, so I guess I'm grateful for that; and that my difficulties aren't any worse than they are.

I indulged myself in a new toy the other day. Buy.com, (what a forthright URL), offered the JBL On Stage iPod speakers for $89.99, which is a nice discount from the price Target offers it at, $159.99. Plus, no sales tax. It's a pretty sweet little set of speakers for an iPod. I have a 40GB 3G iPod (the kind with the four buttons above the scroll wheel), and it spends most of its time in the living room, sitting in the Apple dock, connected to a set of white JBL Creature II speakers. I'm no audiophile, but they sound good to me, and I like the way they look. The dock is connected to the AC power adapter, so the iPod is always charged. The On Stage unit is a fully functional iPod dock. You can connect it to your computer with your Firewire or USB cable and sync your iPod with iTunes.

I don't use that feature because I don't need a set of speakers at the computer, but if you maintained your iTunes library on your laptop and wanted a nice set of speakers to take along, it might be a worthwhile option.

Anyway, the On Stage speakers are on the night stand next to my bed, and so now I use the iPod's Sleep function to play some music while I'm drifting off to sleep; and I use the alarm clock function to wake me up in the morning in lieu of NPR, which is just more of the same exhausting earnestness, making the world a better, if somewhat battle-fatigued, place.

Naturally, while I'm going to sleep or waking up at oh-dark-thirty, I keep the volume pretty low. Today, while I was cleaning my bedroom, I cranked them up and was quite pleased with the sound they put out.

I stopped by the bookstore last night and did a little browsing in the science section. I happened to look at a book called Incompleteness: The Proof and Paradox of Kurt Gödel, by Rebecca Goldstein. Being the kind of person that I am, I started reading toward the end of the book and happened on this passage:

As philosophy had been his end, so, too, it was by philosophy's light that he judged his life, finally, incomplete. No longer believing it was possible to change other people's minds, not even by way of a priori proof, he awaited the epiphany that would change his own.

What a beautiful description. So yeah, I bought it. I've been reading it today, in between bouts of cleaning. So far I've confined myself to the latter half of the book. It's pretty light reading. I want to read the first half when I can concentrate a bit more. I also bought another Gödel book from Amazon that I had seen earlier but wasn't on the shelves yesterday. So I guess I'm on a Gödel kick now.

I also picked up Linked by Albert-László Barabási, so I can get a little smarter on the whole Power Law thing, and why "them that has, gets." Not that I'll do anything with it, because it is all quite exhausting. I figure I can just sit back and let all those earnest, well-intentioned, conversationalists make the world a better place. Or, at least, I shouldn't get in their way.

It's all I can do to try to keep my own house in order.

So that's about enough about all that.

Happy Anniversary

50 years.

Happy anniversary, Mom and Dad.

It's all just part of the "conversation..."

Most troubling, the least healthy, least productive Associates are more satisfied with their benefits than other segments and are interested in longer careers with Wal-Mart.

That's hysterical! It's like something right out of The Daily Show. I can see Rob Corddry delivering that line in pure deadpan. Imagine that! Employees satisfied with their benefits! That's very "troubling" indeed. Management can't be doing their jobs right if the least healthy are actually happy with the health care they're getting. They're obviously getting too much health care. And that might lead to, horrors, employee retention!

Congratulations, Shelley!

Shelley Powers of Burningbird has landed a job with Marc Canter's Broadband Mechanics outfit.

Strangely Relieved

Loathe though I am to direct more attention to the authority which acknowledges no responsibility, I am pleased that, as of this post, Groundhog Day is "worth" $0.00.

I think that's exactly right.

Markets are Conversations (Eliza Version)

This is hysterical, if it's not real.

Alas, I suspect it is only too real, and therefore just sad.

Thanks to Jonathon Delacour for the pointer.

Oblique Eliza Reference.

Pre-Weekend

I'm still trying to educate myself on a few issues. As a means of "empowering" oneself, it's little enough; but every little bit helps. Or so I've been told.

Anyway, it's a Caitie weekend here at the secure, undisclosed location we call Dave Cave III, so I won't be spending a lot of time mulling over how to write about the things I care about without competing with someone over them; or even whether I ought to care about things at all. But I will get to that one of these days.

One post-Katrina change I've noted is that employers and headquarters are now more interested in their people who may live in the path of a hurricane. Lots of inquiries at the office I work in regarding individuals' plans with respect to Wilma, and how to communicate with them in the event they must evacuate. Wilma's been kind of erratic, so it's too soon to rule anything out, but most models have been consistently showing that it will pose relatively little risk to northeast Florida. Still, we'll be keeping a weather eye out for it.

I think it's interesting to note that the new iMac G5 is a new iMac G5. Basically, the internals are about as different as you can get, keeping the same form factor; and they didn't exactly do that either, at least in one dimension. I kind of liked the idea of user-accessible parts in the previous design. The new version is much more like the iMac G4, essentially a sealed box. Frankly, it doesn't make a great deal of difference to me, as long as the thing works. But it was nice to think you could easily swap out a hard drive or an optical drive if you wanted or needed to. Well, relatively easily anyway.

The network I use at work has blocked access to web mail, like Yahoo, AOL, HotMail, and the major ISPs. It hasn't affected .Mac yet, but I expect they'll figure that out eventually and block it too. It's one of the nice things about being a niche player, sometimes you fly under the radar.

I was lying in the dentist chair last Thursday, channel surfing while getting my teeth cleaned, when I happened upon the president's live video conference with the troops. I only had to listen to one reply from one of the soldiers when I told the hygienist that it sounded scripted to me, and that that was a shame because those were some pretty smart people who wouldn't embarrass the president or our country if they were allowed to answer spontaneously. I changed the channel.

I'm actually feeling a little sorry for the president these days. But only just a little. Don't you think he's thinking it's time for another vacation? It's got to be tough. There's this thing I learned through hard experience, something that I think everyone learns sooner or later, "Be careful what you wish for..."

To say nothing of that whole hubris thing. Ugh...

Anyway, just wanted to say I'm still here.

I'm still here.

P.S. I also meant to offer a snarky comment about Doc's post regarding looking at the spectacular views offered by flying over some beautiful geography and note that the majority of people jammed in that metal tube hurtling through space aren't seated next to a window!

Then it occurred to me to think that as display prices continue to fall, more and more aircraft will feature video displays of some kind at each seat. Perhaps you'll be able to watch your iPod video, or maybe just what the airline chooses to offer you, captive eyeballs and all that, but a video feed from a camera mounted on the aircraft would give everyone, in effect, a window seat.

I never choose a window seat anymore, unless I can't get an aisle. I love my fellow man, but not that much.

Aside

Still thinking about a lot of things, and a couple of unwelcome issues have landed on my plate that are commanding the better part of my remaining attention.

I thought I'd indulge myself in a brief respite from those things by way of a few random comments.

I think the iPod video does have some significant hurdles to widespread adoption as strictly a video device, but it will remain a great music device, along with the other functionality it has been accreting. But I think some of the analysts who are downplaying its potential as a video device are overlooking something that may be important, and that is integration of the iPod into the automobile.

I anticipate an iPod peripheral manufacturer, or even automobile manufacturers, who will integrate the iPod's video capabilities into vehicular entertainment centers. So that in addition to being able to carry your music collection along, you can also bring along episodes of the kids' TV shows for when you're taking your cranky three-year-old home from daycare. Now, don't ask me about the social and developmental implications of even greater video immersion for children, but it's going to happen and I can see at least some merit to the idea.

Plugged into the car's entertainment system removes the problems of limited battery life, and having to physically hold onto the iPod to view the videos.

Going way out on a speculative limb, why not iPod dock connectors in aircraft with video screens embedded in the seat back in front of you? The audio arrives via headphones or earbuds. Among many things that may make this somewhat more unlikely is the possibility of inappropriate or offensive material being viewed by other passengers, but I don't see how that's terribly different from portable DVD players and the use of laptop computers already. What makes it somewhat more likely is the widespread adoption of the iPod and the relatively low-impact, low-demand dock connector. I think it's probably less of a demand on aircraft support systems than laptop power connectors or onboard wifi.

So rather than carrying a laptop or a portable DVD player, each with limited battery life, you just plug your iPod into a dock connector in your armrest, and you can watch or listen to anything you like for the duration of the flight.

Just a few thoughts that there might be more to the iPod video's potential, especially that little dock connector, than might immediately come to mind.

My Door is Always Open

Robert Loggia is one of my favorite actors, just by virtue of the force of his personality. Here's a clip of him from one of my favorite movies. You should check it out some time:

A shorter clip from the same movie:

Very funny movie. Very funny.

Probably not to everyone's tastes though. But then, what is?

Ouch

The only thing they left out was the guy's weblog.

I think I felt that round whiz right by my cheek. Gotta learn to keep my head down.

Groundhog Day Moment

I did have what I would call a Groundhog Day moment while I was back home last weekend. Dad and I went to breakfast Sunday at the local diner, and we sat in one of the booths at the front. While we're sitting there, the father of one of my classmates comes out of the back dining room accompanied by a woman I didn't know but later learned was probably his sister. We chatted for a bit about the reunion and they went on out the door.

So Dad and I are sitting there waiting for our order to arrive and I'm noticing that my friend's dad is standing at the back of this car with the trunk open for a long time. Then he moves around to the side of the car, then back to the trunk. I can't really make out what's going on because of the other cars in the way, but I figure it has to be a flat tire. So I got up to go see.

Sure enough, the right rear tire is flat. Now, my dad is 78 and I figure my friend's dad is probably the same age or a little older. Plus, it's a dirt and gravel parking lot and we've just had three days of rain, so it's pretty much a mess. I'm supposed to go to a coffee at the church after breakfast, so I'm not exactly wearing my jeans. Looking around, I see I'm about the youngest guy in the place, and nobody else seems to be taking much notice of what's going on. So I figure there's only one thing to do.

As it turns out, about the only thing they really needed me for was to break loose two of the lug nuts that resisted my friend's dad's efforts. But we worked together pretty well and got the tire changed and I didn't manage to put my knee down into the mud. But as I was turning the jackscrew, I flashed on Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. "Won't be a minute ladies. I had the tire, and the jack." Made me laugh.

Parenting

In the wardroom, there was a rule that one was never supposed to discuss religion, politics or women, these being recognized as potentially volatile topics that might cause friction or disharmony within the officer ranks. Of course, we usually talked about all three of those things anyway, though there was usually a fair amount of top-down moderation.

But even the worst disagreements on those three topics never really bothered me all that much. Parenting, on the other hand, is a topic I'm always a little leery of discussing. I quickly learned that some people have some very strong opinions on the subject of parenting, and are quick to ascribe all manner of social ills to "bad parents," and aren't very reluctant to offer criticism should one be perceived to be deficient as a parent in some fashion. And that's about as personal a criticism as one can probably get. To say nothing of the fact that the people who seemingly have the most certainty about parenting, usually have a very high opinion of their own parenting skills, especially as they are reflected in the academic success and model behavior of their offspring.

Now, I admit to no small amount of defensiveness on this subject. I've always harbored a suspicion that I'm a "bad parent." I've been assured by qualified observers that I'm not, but there's always that nagging, lingering doubt. Part of that stems from my frequent and prolonged periods of absence during some of my kids' early years. I recall the husband of one dual-military couple telling me they would never have children because their careers meant that they couldn't give their kids the kind of attention they would need to grow up to be well adjusted, happy and productive members of society. He, only half-jokingly, told me my kids would grow up to be axe murderers. Needless to say, I didn't talk about my kids much with him after that, and he was otherwise a very nice guy who I liked a lot.

One night, at some social function, I was having dinner with another couple and I had mentioned how my son had been diagnosed with ADD and that provoked a long and emphatic commentary from the spouse of one of my fellow officers that there was no such thing as ADD. She was a very intelligent, professional woman with impressive credentials, and she cited a number of other authorities and studies to support her opinion, which boiled down to, basically, ADD is just a phenomenon to absolve irresponsible parents of blame. Kind of put a damper on the rest of the evening's conversation.

One of my daughter's best friends is home schooled. Of course, home schooling is one of those things that requires a parent to be, you know, at home. One of my daughter's other friends ended up going to a private, nationally known, boarding school, because, you know, public education is, I don't know, tantamount to a violation of the Geneva Conventions I think. I think it's relevant to add that these folks also moved to a gated community within seconds of the check clearing from a rather large inheritance they received. Probably didn't want to live near to so many people who sent their kids to, you know, public school.

My own kids went to private schools for a while. In part because public schools weren't very helpful with coping with son's "non-existent" ADD. We had him on Ritalin for a number of years, and had to endure listening to both sides of the debate. You're never happy about medicating your kids, but it did seem to work. Eventually, we stopped medicating him, and we had to endure a lot of difficulties because of that, unsure if we were doing the right thing or the wrong thing. There are "experts" who will tell you both. It'll drive you nuts.

I will say this, private school was probably a waste of money. At least in the case of two of the private schools my kids attended. One was kind of a boutique school, very expensive, with tuitions that went up every year, in part to attract the kind of clientele they actually desired. Eventually, we couldn't afford it and had to send our daughter to public school where we found out she was actually behind her public school peers. So much for assuaging parental guilt by spending money on a private school.

Kids, when they're small, are great. Well, they're great all the time, but it's easier when they're small. At first, they're helpless and they can't do anything for themselves and you have to protect them all the time. Each time they learn to do something on their own, it's kind of a treat and you're both very happy. Of course, as a parent, you're usually some kind of a hero or a minor deity to them, and you get this endless affection that's just about the coolest thing about being a parent. When they're small, you don't have a lot of expectations, other than that they'll do the usual developmental stuff on about the right schedule, and they pretty much all do. Which kind of makes you wonder why it's such a big thrill, but still, it is.

When they get older though, you kind of have a different set of expectations. Expectations being, of course, the way we'd like things to be. Reality, of course, is another thing entirely. Sometimes they exceed your expectations, and that's a real thrill. Mostly, hopefully, they meet them. But sometimes they don't. Then you try to do that parenting thing because you're the adult and the parent and they're the child, and there's that whole authority and discipline thing, and of course you're not so much a hero anymore. And you still want to protect them, and if you're not careful, you can wind up doing that too much, perhaps as compensation for other self-perceived parental deficiencies. It gets confusing.

Eventually, they pretty much grow up, and what they do then may have absolutely nothing to do with your expectations in any way, shape or form. Expectations being, of course, the way we'd like things to be. Reality being what your kids actually do. Suffering being the difference. And when they grow up, you kind of have to step aside and stop protecting them, especially if they aren't exactly meeting your expectations. Somewhere along the line, as a parent, you failed to make the whole "cause and effect" thing clear to them. Or maybe they just figured it was your job to deal with all the untidy or undesirable effects. Good parents will be "tut-tutting" about now, nodding sagely to themselves. Nothing more insufferable than a good parent tut-tutting and nodding sagely to themselves, I always say.

The answer, to the extent that there may be "an" answer, for parents, like me, who have been deficient, is to have faith. The natural inclination is to have fear that your kids will not meet your expectations in some deeply painful way, and the simple fact is that they well might. And it's hard to let go of those expectations, and it's hard to give up that role of trying to protect them, or pick up after them. So about the only thing you can do is try to become acquainted with this thing called "faith." Because if you just stick with fear, you're going to make things worse, by either getting angry at your kids and making it difficult to communicate when communication may be most essential, or by continuing to enable dependency by stepping in and protecting them from the consequences of their actions.

A while ago I thought I figured out that love is faith in action. I still think that's right. Of course, there's fear of loss that is somehow a component of love. Or maybe it's just attachment, and it's not really a part of love, but we're so used to the two going together that we see them as the same thing. But really, if you love your kid, you probably do want to express faith in them, that they can make it on their own. That when they fall on their ass, they'll find a way to pick themselves back up again. You did, didn't you? And yes, your kids will suffer because there is a difference between the way things are and the way they want them to be too. And maybe that's how we all become acquainted with faith, eventually. And I do love my kids.

Anyway, I don't like talking about parenting too much. There are too many parents out there who are too certain about how to be a "good" parent. I confess, I feel a certain amount of resentment toward parents whose children never seem to fail to meet their expectations. I think it's good that they seemingly never do, and, abstractly, I'm happy for them. But my experience is a little different, and so I have to spend a great deal of time trying to make my faith stronger than my fear, which is probably a good thing. But then, so is exercise and look at how many people don't exactly love exercising.

Anyway, I'm grateful that my problems are only what they are. I know there are worse. I love my kids. I have faith that one day I'll let go of my expectations and appreciate them strictly for who they are; and one day I'll know that my faith in them is as great as my love for them.

My Brother the Photographer

First, birthday greetings to my brothers John and Eric who share the same birthday, if not the same birth date. Happy birthday, guys!

Second, that little guy up there is from a picture my other brother, Mark, took. If you like nature photography, or New York State, you might find something you'll like at my brother's .Mac site, where he's been posting some of his pictures over the last few years. Shelley, you'd probably enjoy them.

I suspect my brother, like Shelley and unlike me, actually knows how to use a camera.

The Road Less Travelled

An interesting post and perspective on competition and culture from Ken Loo.

Best of luck to you, Ken.

Tortured Poet

Here's a refreshing point of view, from Wired no less.

Apple Stuff

The product announcements from Apple were pretty interesting to me. I really like the new iMac with the built-in iSight camera. I'm kind of wondering if we won't see built-in iSight cameras in Apple's displays as well. There might be some interesting UI or biometric things you could do with a standardized video source. But, what do I know? Still, pretty cool.

The remote and the Front Row application is pretty cool, but probably not the kind of thing I'd use in my living room. The video card specs took a nice bump, I think, and the standard dual-layer SuperDrive is nice. I can see myself buying one of these. Not right away, unfortunately. But maybe after the first of the year or so. We'll see.

iPod with video? Well, it's not the kind of thing I'd jump up and down about, but I took my iPod along with me on my trip back home and I could see downloading an episode of a TV program to view while waiting for my flight, or in the air. I don't think it would be the kind of thing I would do a lot. But I could see myself doing it occasionally.

This is going to be really hard...

...this not competing thing.

Fortunately, I returned to the dojong tonight. If it gets really bad, I can go pound the crap out of a heavy bag.

My foot's still sore, but it's improving. I was on my feet all last weekend, and the first few minutes of each morning were difficult, but it didn't last too long. We'll see how I feel tomorrow, after spending an hour barefoot on the mat tonight.

Had a pretty good workout for the first night back. Not killer, but enough to get my heart going and the sweat flowing. I'm pretty tight from having been lazy and not keeping up on my stretches. It doesn't help that I put a few (cough, cough) pounds back on in the six weeks or so I've been off the mat. Managed to get tagged once in the nose in a sparring drill. Helps improve the concentration.

I think.

But it's good to be back.

What I Learned From Homecoming

I spent a wonderful weekend at my high school reunion in my home town of Canastota, New York. As the weekend went on, it prompted a great many thoughts and new associations and some insights that I wanted to share. Some of them were related to some things I've been reading elsewhere in others' weblogs. As is too often the case, I didn't happen to agree with those things, and so even as I was still kind of processing the things I think I learned at homecoming, I was becoming agitated about the things I was reading and wanted to respond to them from this new perspective.

Which is what usually gets me into a state where my mind just won't stop flogging these ideas, and it becomes difficult to know where to start writing about them. Usually this results in a rant, which can be fun. But they're not often terribly productive. I decided not to write anything last night after I had returned home, and went to bed with the stream of consciousness running full bore and keeping me tossing and turning late into the night.

When I got up this morning, I decided to just begin writing a narrative of my visit, and not really mention the things I think I learned. That way I could at least give my fingers something to do, as they seem to love pounding away on these keys. Plus, it kind of focused my thoughts and cut back on a lot of the constructive arguments taking place in my head.

After writing for about an hour and a half, I figured I'd start getting back into the habit of sitting again. So I fired up my Newton and discovered the backlight on my "new" MP 130 has also died. Sigh. There was enough light to set the timer though, so I did and I closed my eyes and tried to get my head to just "be still." When the timer was up, it was time to get ready for work.

On the drive in, I discovered the local NPR station had started one of its pledge drives, so I tried a couple of music stations and finally found one that didn't seem to be playing non-stop ads. I often don't listen to the radio in the car, especially if I'm thinking about something. But between sitting and starting the narrative, I seemed to have brought the stream of consciousness into something I could keep up with. And then I had another insight, which was followed by one of those wonderful things I don't often relate because I don't think others would find them especially "credible."

So with all that as prelude, I'll try to share the things I think I learned.

I didn't really know what to expect when I began to see my old classmates. I didn't know what I was looking for, if anything; but I knew I wanted to make it home for this reunion. I'm glad I did.

As I expected, a lot of us were older and fatter and grayer or balder, some both. I had trouble recognizing a few people. I hadn't spoken to any of these people in over twenty years, with one exception. I didn't know what events had transpired in their lives, and they knew little about mine. I found a little bit of everything. Some were very happy and successful and in great health. Others were seriously ill, or had endured a serious illness. All had endured losses of some kind. One troubled me especially. A good friend of mine lost a child a couple of years ago. I don't wish to go into the circumstances, except to say they are probably about the most difficult any parent could ever face. I experienced a profound feeling of remorse that I wasn't present for my friend, as though I had let him down. I would have liked to have talked with him about that, but there wasn't an opportunity, and other classmates had advised me against bringing it up. I did have a chance to talk to him about other matters though, and we shared many fond memories of some incredibly stupid things we had done. One day I will try to talk to him about his loss, if that's not being selfish on my part.

In any event, we were all there with our scars and wounds, some long-since healed, some still fresh, others that will take a long time to heal. But there was a lot of joy too. In fact, the prevailing emotion was joy. It was good to be in each others' company.

Most of us who've been through it recall high school as a time of many highs and lows, many changes as we began to come of age. I'm sure most of us recall the various cliques and social groups we arrayed ourselves in. The "jocks" and the "nerds" and the "cool" people and the "losers." There definitely were faint echoes of that at the reunion, but mostly we associated with one another across those boundaries, almost as if they never existed. One of my classmates, Gordon, mentioned that he thought it was because we had so much more in common now, and I found myself agreeing with this and thinking it a remarkable insight; that 30 years of life experience had made us share a broader, more inclusive, perspective.

Later on, after a few more beers, which often don't exactly facilitate clarity of thought in me, it occurred to me that there was something else that 30 years gave us. It was something that allowed us, at least, to begin to appreciate what we had shared in common all along. We always share far more in common than we allow ourselves to ever appreciate. And I realized what the important difference was that 30 years made. We were no longer competing with one another. We weren't trying for the same spot on the team, we weren't trying to win the same girl's affections, we didn't have to put someone else down to feel better about ourselves.

Now, I don't know that this feeling of joy was shared universally. I had a few conversations where it seemed clear that some bitterness, some resentment of past iniquities remained; but they were extremely few, and held by classmates who still lived in the area and probably saw each other fairly often. I think in those cases, perceptions of rank and memories of competition continue to present barriers to the shared nature of our common experiences.

I filed that notion away, as I mainly focused on enjoying the company of my classmates and hearing their stories, and concentrated on cherishing this happy feeling, an emotion that has been all too infrequent in my life of late. I told a few of my classmates that I found this experience quite valuable. We've recently seen how natural disasters can take away everything we own. Misfortune of nearly any kind can leave us destitute or worse. I came to this reunion as a man who is 48 years old with a negative net worth. But while things can always be taken away, the relationships we have with the people in our lives will always endure, if we attend to them. Even after at least 20 years (I did attend our 10th reunion) of not attending to them, my relationships with many of these people still existed at least at some, still significant, level. And I am very grateful for that.

So it was during this kind of an emotional high point, with what seemed, to me, to be a new insight into the causes of the differences between us, that I read a few weblog entries. This one will do as representative sample:

A brand is your relationship with another human being. It is your connection, your lovemark, your hughmark, your cluetrain manifesto, your relationship with life, if you will.

It was the most disheartening thing to read.

I am so sick of marketing and marketers.

Marketing is about competition. We worship competition and the goal of worship is to get into heaven, the "highest" rank in the hierarchy. No sooner had I started weblogging on editthispage.com than someone came up with a page ranking the weblogs that had the most pages served. Doc Searls recently wrote,

When they scroll the credits of my life, Dave's is going to be one of the first names on the list.

So Doc's ranking the relationships of the movie of his life. Perhaps because he's "writing himself into existence," another thoroughly depressing thought from Dave Weinberger of "small pieces - loosely joined" (and all competing with one another) fame.

There is no idea that a marketer will not exploit to seek a competitive advantage. Spirituality? Go look at the magazine shelves at any bookstore. You want to "win" in the "marketplace?" You have to be more "authentic." You have to have a "conversation." Even churches compete with one another.

There is nothing a marketer will not exploit, nothing a marketer will not corrupt, to seek a competitive advantage. Because it's all about competition, anything else is merely a tool to be exploited.

It drives me absolutely nuts. And it's the main reason I've been harping on that bullshit that "markets are conversations." Now, "if markets are conversations, brands are relationships." What a silly, stupid idea. Do you suppose Coca Cola will be there when you place your child's body in his grave? "Have a Coke and a smile!" to get over your grief? I just want to scream, "Wake the fuck up, assholes!"

Which is pretty much what had my head spinning on the flight down and all the rest of the day most of the night yesterday.

I don't know what destination all of you who fancy yourselves as riding the "cluetrain"™ or the "hughtrain"™ expect to reach. I'm guessing it's higher rank in the hierarchy through superior "conversations" and greater "authenticity" than your competition. I have a feeling though, when you finally get off that train, you're going to find yourselves exactly where you started, and probably not exactly seeing it as if for the first time.

This will probably come as a relief to many of you. I know it did to me. This morning, as I was listening to the radio, thinking of how I could refute the whole "brands are relationships" idea, I realized something.

I was competing with you.

I'm "right" and you're "wrong." My ideas must "win" and yours must "lose," because I have the best ideas about how to reduce suffering. Within the hierarchy of hierarchies, "right" is higher than "wrong," "winning" is higher than "losing."

And so even though I maintain that I don't wish to claim any higher place in the hierarchy, by asserting authority I don't have for a responsibility I cannot assume, in fact, I am competing with you. And in doing so, I'm placing barriers between us. Suffering is the difference between the way things are, and the way we want them to be. Focusing on the differences is the essence of competition, and is a sure way to experience suffering, if one is not careful. Competition can be good, and it often is. It's even fun sometimes. But we've lost sight of almost everything else. As a result, marketers will exploit anything to gain a competitive advantage. Niti, I'm afraid we've lost "perspective."

So I'm going to stop trying to compete with you. If I am right, and I could be wrong, eventually your path will lead you nearer to my position. If I'm wrong, then presumably my path will eventually lead me to yours. Or maybe it'll be somewhere in between. But I realized I can't illustrate the corrosive effects of competition by trying to compete with you. I'm going to try to stop focusing on the differences between us. Here's the wonderful thing that happened to me that I'm sure nobody will find particularly meaningful, even if they should happen to find it credible. Right after I had that realization, right after I knew it was time to stop trying to compete with you, the radio began playing the Beatles' Let it Be.

I laughed out loud.

Freedom, Authority, Responsibility and Accountability

These four ideas go together in important ways, and understanding them and how they go together is important in finding ways to make a complex, changing society change as it must with the least amount of suffering.

I don't have time for a longer piece, so these are just some quick thoughts that I hope to return to later.

Freedom: We don't live in a completely free society, and this should come as no surprise to anyone. Of course, anyone is free to do anything one wishes to do, but there are consequences, some of which may be undesirable, attendant to the fact that one must live within a society with evolved notions of authority, responsibility and accountability.

Wealth is the most liquid form of authority, and those with the greatest wealth have, in some respects, the greatest authority. But the authority of the law is supposed to trump the authority of wealth. It doesn't always, to our shame. But even the wealthy supposedly submit to the authority of the law in order to enjoy its protection, which is the realm of government.

Government has the responsibility to uphold the law, and so we give them the authority to do so. But that authority and responsibility, at least in theory in this country, derive from the consent of the governed, and so government is accountable to the people. There are various legal structures in place that give the people the means to exercise their authority to hold government accountable, the most familiar of these being elections. But attendant to that authority is the notion of responsibility, and if the people choose to neglect their responsibility to hold government accountable, then we get Jefferson's, "People usually get the kind of government they deserve."

With any authority usually comes some responsibility. People who don't exercise authority (power) responsibly are sometimes regarded as tyrants or autocrats. People who claim authority that they don't possess are behaving irresponsibly in another fashion, and are justly regarded as frauds, charlatans and confidence men (con-artists). Unless, of course, it's "just marketing."

I'm not sure how we regard people with great authority (wealth) who don't exercise it for any other purpose than amassing more wealth, often by corrupting government by means of wealth, but I don't think it's favorably.

Authority, responsibility and accountability go together as checks on the less desirable traits of human nature. Failing to understand how they go together, how they must work together, allows for misconduct and bad outcomes. A lynch mob isn't just a group of empowered citizens holding a fellow citizen "accountable."

These ideas aren't exactly new, but it's not clear very many people understand them, how they are interlocking concepts, or how important they are. Instead people usually seize on one idea in particular and try to use it like a cudgel, to bludgeon whatever entity may offend them. But none of these ideas works without the other two, and so you have to consider all three (authority, responsibility and accountability), and do so in relation to how or if we wish to further constrain our freedom, whenever you try to answer questions about any one of them.

These are just a few notes for David Weinberger who, in my opinion, is going to have to do a lot better than "In short, keep your hands off our internet."

And, by the way, just who is the "you" that possessive pronoun refers to? And how is that powerless admonition designed to promote "conversation?" Where is the invitation to come to a "meeting of the minds" or to reason together?

We have learned nothing.

Multi-decadal Oscillations

People still remember because it was never worse than good, and was often simply brilliant. It parodied the issues of the day, the materialism, the greed-is-good cynicism, the pointlessness of television, the rampaging egos, the growing crassness of public intercourse, the bad behavior, our infinitesimal place in the universe. There was also time for snacks and a bedtime story.

Gee, that sounds a lot like today. Even after so many code jockeys and self-important weblogging "conversationalists" have "changed everything."

Oh my. A bit cynical, aren't we?

Yes, we are.

There's a 1,456 page compilation of every Calvin and Hobbes available now. I now know what I'm buying myself for Christmas. Calvin and Hobbes ran from 1985 to 1995.

In November, Bruce Springsteen's Born to Run will be re-released as a 3-disk special anniversary edition, which will include a DVD of the Hammersmith concert at the Odeon in London. I don't know if there's something special about that concert, but I started listening to Bruce with Greetings From Asbury Park, and when they announced Bruce would play the 1976 June Week concert at the Naval Academy, most of the brigade went, "Hunh?" and I went, "Right on!" Of course, today I would go, "Woo-hoo!" or perhaps, "Woot!" No. That's not right. I never go "Woot!" Although that June Week concert was in 1976, it was in 1975 that the Boss released Born to Run and I was inducted into the Naval Academy.

Well now I'm no hero

Is beneath this dirty hood

Thirty years later, and our heroes are still offering redemption through faith in our machines, be they cars or Firefly-class spaceships called Serenity, or a collection of silicon and fiber some call Web 2.0.

Eventually, the Boss and the captain learned that redemption can't be found in a machine. Though one journey is often a necessary precursor to the other. Maybe the heroes of Web 2.0 will learn that one day too.

And this weekend I'm going to be back in upstate New York, just to touch base with a few of the people with whom I spent some very good times, and some not so good, 30 years ago. I'm not sure what I'll find, or even what I'm looking for, if anything. But I know I want a chance to see these people again.

I expect we'll mostly be older and fatter. There are worse things, I guess.

Mystery Hull Number

If you've seen Serenity, or if you do see it, note the side number on a certain search and rescue vessel. It's C-57D.

Which, as everybody should know, is the hull number of the United Planets Cruiser commanded by J. J. Adams in the motion picture Forbidden Planet.

I'll leave it to you to make the connection between that movie and the scene in which that vessel appears.

Not really an update: Well, if I had entertained any thought of being exceptionally alert, I just looked at the IMDB entry for Serenity, and sure enough, it's already noted there. You can't put much past fans.

Competition in the Religious Marketplace

Think they're just trying to start a conversation?

How about a new aphorism: "Markets are conversions."