Torture? You Want Torture?



Apparently, the terrorist detainees at Guantanamo Bay are desperately awaiting the upcoming release of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows". According to AFP, the Detainees are gaga over Harry at the prison library .

For me this opens two possible avenues of opportunity.

1) Deny them the book until they provide full cooperation. After they start, only provide the book on a chapter by chapter installment for continued cooperation. I think this has great possibilities. But what do I know. There is probably some provision in the Geneva Convention for Terrorist Rights that prohibits restraint of access to popular fiction.

2) Somebody in an obscure PSYOPS unit should get to typing, and produce a replacement tome where Harry takes on some Wahhabist evil-doers. In the hair-raising conclusion, Harry forces the Caliph to admit that Caliphate isn't really an Islamic dominance of the world, but rather a pyramid scheme to push bulk orders of hummus and khat on unsuspecting Muslims. Additionally, it is revealed that there are not actually 72 virgins for those who throw themselves upon the pyre of jihad, but rather a coupon book good for 72 Virgin Shirley Temples at Mephistopheles' Floating Pool Bar. Oops, sorry about that faulty Qur'an translation guys.... Just imagine what reading that would do to the poor detainee's fragile psyches. I know, I know, inhumane, blah blah blah.

C'mon, someone out there get to work on either one of these!

Posted: Sat - March 31, 2007 at 08:49 PM          

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