Al Qaeda: "The War is Lost"



Given the pounding they have taken over the last several months, one would think that it would be Al Qaeda that would be clamoring for a withdrawal timetable. But alas it is not. They leave that mighty task up to others.

But what if??? What if Al Qaeda acted like the Democrats....

Lets take a look at what 'Bizarro Iraq 2007' might look like....
Terrorists bemoan recent setbacks in 'War on Freedom'
Call on bin Laden to cut his losses
May 1, 2007
Sources: Rooters News Agency and Non-associated Press

Following the deaths of both Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi and Abu Ayyub al-Masri, the decimation of the ranks of Al Qaeda in Iraq, and the growing unpopularity of foreign insurgents among Iraqis, some senior terrorists affiliated with Al Qaeda have called upon Usama Bin Laden to withdraw all of his troops from Iraq by October.

The war in Iraq "is lost" and Al Qaeda attacks are failing to bring an Islamic state to the country, spokesman of the Salafist Group for Preching and Combat, Harry Sheikh Reidari, said Thursday.  "I believe ... that this war is lost, and continuing attacks are not accomplishing anything, as is shown by the extreme blows to our network in Iraq recently," Reidari told journalists. "Iraq has diverted resources from our greater 'War on Freedom'. It would be best if we withdrew, leaving only a small force to train Iraqi jihadists, and redeployed our other forces to Afghanistan to continue with a Holy War that everyone can support."

"It is time for a change in direction," said Abu Jonjalali al-Murthab, one of Al Qaeda's most outspoken leaders. "Our brothers are suffering, the future of our cause is at risk. We cannot continue on the present course. It is evident that continued jihad in Iraq is not in the best interests of Al Qaeda, or the Islamic peoples."  

"The Islamic people have spoken. The members of Al Qaeda has voted, as of today, to end this war. And now we can only hope that Sheikh Osama will listen. And I think that is exactly what the Islamic people want. This is not Islam's war to win or lose. We have given the Iraqi people the chance to have Jihad, to have their own Islamic State. It is up to them to decide whether or not they're going to take that chance" stated Rhadami Hillab Clintonijhad. "All I can say that if Sheikh Osama does not get us out of Iraq, when I am Sheikh, I will."

Additionally, leading Abu Sayyaf Group terrorist Mohammed Dheniz Khalidinich charged that Dr. Ayman al-Zawahiri "purposely manipulated information to deceive the al Qaeda rank and file..." Khalidinich said al-Zawahiri did so "by fabricating the idea the U.S. military forces would fold and run once our jihad against them in Iraq got bloody.  But today they are still resisting us and sending even more troops to do so.  It is clear now that al-Zawahiri knew that this reaction only would happen with a Democratic American President, and he should have known that Bush would not retreat this way.  For this failure, he should be removed from al-Qaeda's leadership."

Lastly firebrand terrorist Waleed Jo Bidenami  said that if Bin Laden didn't like their call for ending the jihad, then "….we're going to shove it down his throat."

Bin Laden is still being criticized for his "Mission Accomplished" ceremony following the 2006 American Congressional elections.



Rhadami Hillab Clintonijhad denounced Bin Laden for his "Mission Accomplished" speech and said his conduct of the Iraq Jihad was "one of the darkest blots on leadership we've ever had....the only mission accomplished was annoying the Satan Bush and getting America to send more troops."

Given the realities of the overall war, this is the press release that should be hitting the wires. But instead they are but mirror-images of the statements of the Surrender Caucus ™. (In case you haven't clued in yet, click the links in the faux press release to see the real statements that I based the fake quotes from) For those of us who prefer the side of the Victory Caucus, we can only fantasize that such a report will someday hit the newswire. But we won't hold our breath given that Al-Qaeda doesn't base it's strategy on the winds of the 24/7 news cycle, and they don't have to deal with 2-4 year election cycles. In fact they don't have to worry about elections at all. Ahhh...the irony. Why should they do all that work when we can defeat ourselves.

Posted: Tue - May 1, 2007 at 09:49 PM          


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