Adulthood Fears July 23, 2007
Jenni writes on her website how she has neglected to mention in any of her entries that she is moving to Texas. In fact, I think I have neglected to mention that as well. Mostly because I feel bad making her read about her impending move when all her friends (me included) can't stop talking about it.
Her entry, if you were too lazy to click the link above, talks about her fear of moving to a new place and basically starting a new life. Of course, her old life will still be around for her to come back to during the occasional visit and when she is done with school in Texas (if that's how things go). However, part of the fear is that she'll be living the new life the majority of the time (while it's still new!) and the old life doesn't promise to stay the same old life.
I get what Jenni is feeling. I felt it was impossible to make a decision about where to go for grad school - even though I picked those schools when I applied to them. It made me queasy to decide not to go to a PhD program but instead to a Masters program so I could be in the same state as Chris.
The first time I ever visited Boston was to pick an apartment two weeks before we moved here - which led to my first ever migraine. The second time I visited Boston was when I moved here. On the way, I threw up in the parking lot of the Massachusetts Visitor Center/Rest Stop. When I got here, my mom took a picture of me in front of the apartment. I'm squinting because the sun and everything else hurts and I'm waiting for Chris to get back from wherever the hell he went, so I can actually get into the apartment (he came up separately, got both keys, and disappeared in what will always be classic Chris fashion [and it has taken me 8 years to learn how to not blow up over this way of his] ). I can put that picture up here, tomorrow.
I moved some stuff out of the van and then fell asleep on our tiny couch for the rest of the day. Chris made meatballs in the crockpot his parents just gave him. He was so proud having made our first meal in our first apartment. The smell of it made me want to vomit. I spent the rest of the week eating elbow macaroni with salt. That's all I could stomach. I pretty much resisted going outside as much as possible.
Now, I really felt sick. But was it all from the stress of the move? I don't know. There was real fear and there was real physical pain. It was awful. But after that, it got exponentially better.
Now, my brother can testify that it's just not in the family blood to show much emotion. I don't know why - we just don't. However it has to be said that in a big way, it got a lot better after meeting Jenni and making an actual connection in Boston. I'm sad to see her go and I'm sad to lose that base. As she gets through her "firsts" in Texas, I'll continue my "firsts" in her job that I took over in May. And eventually, the firsts will stop being so frightening.
As promised, here is that picture of me on that first day of my move to Boston:
That's awful, huh? And here is a month later where I am actually smiling on the T. I would soon learn, there was nothing to smile about when on the T. Nah, I'm not that jaded.
I love my artificially created windswept hair.
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July 23, 2007
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Jenni writes on her website how she has neglected to mention in any of her entries that she is moving to Texas. In fact, I think I have neglected to mention that as well. Mostly because I feel bad making her read about her impending move when all her friends (me included) can't stop talking about it.
Her entry, if you were too lazy to click the link above, talks about her fear of moving to a new place and basically starting a new life. Of course, her old life will still be around for her to come back to during the occasional visit and when she is done with school in Texas (if that's how things go). However, part of the fear is that she'll be living the new life the majority of the time (while it's still new!) and the old life doesn't promise to stay the same old life. I get what Jenni is feeling. I felt it was impossible to make a decision about where to go for grad school - even though I picked those schools when I applied to them. It made me queasy to decide not to go to a PhD program but instead to a Masters program so I could be in the same state as Chris. The first time I ever visited Boston was to pick an apartment two weeks before we moved here - which led to my first ever migraine. The second time I visited Boston was when I moved here. On the way, I threw up in the parking lot of the Massachusetts Visitor Center/Rest Stop. When I got here, my mom took a picture of me in front of the apartment. I'm squinting because the sun and everything else hurts and I'm waiting for Chris to get back from wherever the hell he went, so I can actually get into the apartment (he came up separately, got both keys, and disappeared in what will always be classic Chris fashion [and it has taken me 8 years to learn how to not blow up over this way of his] ). I can put that picture up here, tomorrow. I moved some stuff out of the van and then fell asleep on our tiny couch for the rest of the day. Chris made meatballs in the crockpot his parents just gave him. He was so proud having made our first meal in our first apartment. The smell of it made me want to vomit. I spent the rest of the week eating elbow macaroni with salt. That's all I could stomach. I pretty much resisted going outside as much as possible. Now, I really felt sick. But was it all from the stress of the move? I don't know. There was real fear and there was real physical pain. It was awful. But after that, it got exponentially better. Now, my brother can testify that it's just not in the family blood to show much emotion. I don't know why - we just don't. However it has to be said that in a big way, it got a lot better after meeting Jenni and making an actual connection in Boston. I'm sad to see her go and I'm sad to lose that base. As she gets through her "firsts" in Texas, I'll continue my "firsts" in her job that I took over in May. And eventually, the firsts will stop being so frightening. As promised, here is that picture of me on that first day of my move to Boston: That's awful, huh? And here is a month later where I am actually smiling on the T. I would soon learn, there was nothing to smile about when on the T. Nah, I'm not that jaded. I love my artificially created windswept hair. | |
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