Mr. Bob Garfield pulls out his sword again – like the Black Mamba. It's time for The Super Bowl Massacre. And he stands tall and fierce right from the title: "A SUPER BOWL OF ADS TO FORGET – Hype, Grandiose Posturing and a Dearth of Great Work" and I imagine him pointing his ball-point pen at the television screen and saying with a deep voice:

«"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."

I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never really questioned what it meant. I thought it was just a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before you popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. Now I'm thinkin': it could mean you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. .45 here (showing his pen here), he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could be you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. I'd like that.

But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin, I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.»

OK, maybe not exactly like that but you get the idea. Now I don't want to give the wrong impression – that I don't like his article. I like it. Here is a sample:

«Gillette, BBDO, New York. For the latest razor, Mach 8, or whatever, which Gillette claims makes a man unbeatable, irresistible and cool. This montage is so jaw-droppingly terrible we were sure for the first 40 seconds that it was a parody. The disembodied voice says, "It's like having an angel by your side," but only if you remove the little blades and slash your wrist with them, which this ad makes you want to.»

On the other hand, Salon.com doesn't go much milder on that particular TVC either in their "High-priced Super Bowl ads make cheap hit" synopsis-is-in-the-title article. Life is harsh at BBDO now.

«Rival shaving product companies Gillette and Schick-Wilkinson Sword came razor-thin to horrible with their respective ads.

Schick informed viewers in pedestrian fashion that its new Quattro system with four blades is superior to those with only three. Gillette answered with a flashy collection of black and white images and purple prose about the joys of its own three-blade razor: "It's like having an angel by your side."»