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To Have and to Hold March 20, 2005 VOWS Kevin Michaels and Serena Greenberg BY KIERSTEN CONNER-SAX (AS SUSANNA JANE PELLETIER) IT was not like Kevin Michaels to chase after a brainy lawyer, someone he barely knew and didn't particularly like. But September 2002 was not a typical time for Mr. Michaels, 45, a filmmaker from Utah, whom people used to say resembled Robert Redford. They don't anymore. His curiosity was stirred by his friend, Bob Reilly, a Hollywood agent, who mentioned first meeting Serena Greenberg when she was in nursery school with his daughter. More recently Mr. Reilly spoke with Ms. Greenberg at his daughter's 30th birthday party. "She begged me to set her up," Mr. Reilly said. "She knew she was almost past her sell-by date." So when Mr. Michaels came to visit, badgering Mr. Reilly for work, Mr. Reilly knew just what to do. "I gave him her number," he said. "Anything to get him out of my house for a night." Mr. Michaels most recent film, "Quentin Tarantino's Nose", had been a comedy, but his life of late had not. When he was a hip young independent filmmaker, the hotties had literally thrown themselves at his feet, sometimes in groups of two or three. That time was over. Now that he had developed a gut and it was clear his career wasn't going anywhere, he needed a soft place to land. "There's only so long you can make a living selling the contents of goody bags on eBay," Mr. Michaels said later. "I realized it was time to settle down." So Mr. Michaels took Ms. Greenberg out to dinner at Trattoria Mezza, a film industry hangout which also had the benefit of being cheap. "I didn't know how this was going to turn out," he said. "She might have been a dog." Ms. Greenberg, 32, was impressed. "He wanted to take me somewhere special and exciting," she said. "Although at first I was put off by his girdle." Mr. Michaels had in fact worn a girdle to dinner, knowing his gut might be a deal breaker. "On our next date, though, I was able to look past it," Ms. Greenberg said. "I had been waiting for the right woman to come along," Mr. Michaels said. "I knew within a week that Serena was that woman. Thanks to her father, she had both a sizable investment portfolio and childbearing hips." Ms. Greenberg had had her share of disappointing relationships with men found on J-Date or Match.com. "If you're a strong woman who is determined and ambitious and has an ounce of self-esteem, it becomes more challenging," said Rachel Greenberg, her sister. The two hooked up that night, and Mr. Michaels said he would call her. "Then he actually did!" Ms. Greenberg says now, obviously still surprised. Slowly, Mr. Michaels began to reveal his flaws: his gut, lack of income, and history of venereal disease. She was disgusted. "I crossed him off my list," she said. That's when the flowers started to come, a dozen roses, two dozen the next day, three dozen the day after that. Rachel saw the flowers and pointed out to Ms. Greenberg that she didn't have any other suitors. After re-watching Mr. Michaels' surprisingly successful first film, she made a realization. "He's an artist," she told her sister. "Of course he's had some venereal disease." Ms. Greenberg called him. That night, he took her on a dinner cruise, got down on one knee, opened a velvet box with a two-carat diamond inside, and proposed. "He knew that the combination of the boat and the rock would seal the deal," Mr. Reilly says. When they agreed to marry, Ms. Greenberg's father also agreed to produce Mr. Michaels' next film. "He's less likely to cheat on her if he's not just sitting at home," Ted Greenberg said. They married at a winery in Santa Barbara on March 21, a cool, clear day. Rabbi Noah Jacobovitz disapproved but officiated nonetheless. As the guests danced the hora and lifted the couple on chairs, Mr. Michaels' girdle unexpectedly popped open, flying into the air and revealing his gut to their 75 guests. "That's all right," Mr. Michaels commented. "Serena loves me, genital warts and all." |
©2005 by Kiersten Conner-Sax
From "50 Tries" at kiersten.connersax.com