Submission #21 to the New Yorker:

 

Requesting the Honor of Your Presence

By Kiersten Conner-Sax (as Susanna Jane Pelletier)

 

Dear Family and Friends, 

 

May 29th approaches! Mike & Jennifer know that you're all as busy preparing as they are. We want to provide you with some details so that you can make our big day as wonderful for us as possible.

 

We've got exciting events planned for almost every minute of the three day celebration! First, absolutely everyone is invited to a clambake at Jennifer's parents' house in the Hamptons on Friday. Drop by anytime after five, but be sure to be there by six, and be prepared with a story about the happy couple. For those of you who haven't had the chance to meet either Mike or Jennifer (even though eight months have gone by since that fateful night of speed dating!), visit our Web site, www.mikelovesjennifersoooomuch.com, to gather background information for your presentation!

 

If you're one of our really close friends and have been invited to the rehearsal dinner, plan to arrive at the Ritz-Carlton Hamilton Room promptly at 7:00 p.m. on Saturday. Dinner will be served while guests toast the bride and groom. Nothing too racy, please! We don't want a repeat of the incident at Jennifer's brother's wedding, when a guest had to be ejected for groping a bridesmaid--you know who you are, DAD! (For those who are wondering, the parties have settled out of court.) A 90-minute PowerPoint slideshow will follow dessert.

 

On Sunday, the wedding will commence promptly at 5:30 p.m. in the Ritz-Carlton's Grand Ballroom. Don't be late! It's really quite rude to inconvenience the musicians, photographer, and videographer. Copies of the wedding video will be available in about four weeks for $19.99 each (so you can stop asking, NANA!).

 

The wedding is black tie. Jennifer's dress is by Vera Wang; Mike's tuxedo is by Armani. Don't feel you need to be quite as chic! Most of you can't afford to, so please dress as appropriately as possible: a black tuxedo for men, and a floor-length dress for women. The wedding colors are sky blue and white, in honor of Mike's alma mater. Bridesmaids will be wearing sky-blue dresses, and Mike will be wearing a black dinner jacket with sky blue accents. We would request that guests NOT wear teal, aqua, cobalt, navy, royal, periwinkle, or any other shade of blue, so as not to clash with the wedding party in the pictures. Don't make us airbrush you out!

 

Apart from deciding to commit our lives to each other and choosing a band, we faced another important question: what should our last names be after the wedding? Should we keep our names? Should Jennifer take Mike's name? Or should we make up a new name altogether? We thought about hyphenating our names, but since our parents already did that, we think Mr. & Mrs. Abramson-Bernard-Rosenberg-Wolf would be a bit much. ;-)

 

After all, Òwhat's in a name?Ó Well, both Mike and Jennifer have spent their lives creating ÒnamesÓ for themselves. Jen didn't spend those long hours at her college paper for nothing! And Mike's band is really taking off. We wanted a name that would reflect the values we aspire to, and commemorate the beginning of our lives together. So, following the ceremony, we will be known as Mike and Jennifer Kennedy-Hilton.

 

Many of you have been asking whether we have a registry. Because we have been living together (six months tomorrow!), we don't need furnishings. We need cash! Therefore, our preferred registry will be at Chase-Manhattan Bank (deposit information to follow). Thank you in advance for giving us the Ògift of financial freedomÓ!

 

ACCOMODATION NOTES:

 

Rooms are available at the Ritz-Carlton for $459 (+tax) per night. The first ten people to call the hotel and mention the Abramson-Bernard-Rosenberg-Wolf wedding will receive a special, discounted rate of $225(+tax)! There are also some lesser hotels nearby, but should you stay there, don't be late (see above).

 

TRAVEL NOTES:

 

For those of you traveling by plane, we have found that many ÒonlineÓ Web sites provide fabulous travel deals! Be sure to look one up for details.

 

For those of you traveling by car, simply telling the driver Òthe Ritz-Carlton, pleaseÓ should do the trick.

 

Best,

Mike & Jen

 

 

 

 

 

©2005 by Kiersten Conner-Sax

From Ò50 TriesÓ at kiersten.connersax.com