Submission #34 to the New Yorker:

 

My Fake Romances

BY KIERSTEN CONNER-SAX (as Susanna Jane Pelletier)

 

 

Yes: two of my first three marriages were fake. Maybe two and a half. Not that I'm gay.

 

I know what my people said. They didn't know my first two marriages were fake. I wanted my people to sound convincing, and families can get very touchy about throwing showers and paying for bands if they don't think you're in love. Whatever that means.

 

Why did I do it? Myriad reasons, but not because I'm gay. We were young and in love. Okay, we were older and calculating, but is that really so different?

 

The rumors had been circulating for years: I would never get married! I might be gay! The calls, mostly from my mother, were relentless. Who had I been out with? Where had we gone? How was I going to meet a man when I spent so much time with my girlfriends? Did I realize my eggs were about to pass their sell-by date?

 

Plus, my sister had just gotten married, and no one takes any soft-focus portraits of the maid of honor gazing at her bouquet; you're only in the group shots.

 

So, just after Jonathan was indicted, we were engaged. It was a beautiful wedding. Everyone made a fuss over me and gave me endless presents, and then we threw a huge party with someone else's money, where I got to tell everyone what to wear.

 

Once the wedding was over and my mother had her story for the Christmas newsletter, I thought the pressure would let up.

 

It didn't. They started obsessing over when we would have a baby. The wedding was such a success that we considered going ahead with the baby project, too, but then Jonathan was convicted, so it didn't seem prudent. And, while you do receive a lot of presents because of a baby, they are mostly for the baby, not you.

 

Jonathan and I split up as soon as he was sentenced. But then, there was all this "Susanna was married to a felon" taint. It was only insider trading, which seemed very hip at the time; most of it took place at a club in the meatpacking district. Why all the judgments? Let he who has never spent a night in a penitentiary cast the first stone, I always say.

 

Also, my last movie, "Christmas 2002," had garnered very little response.

 

What better way to simultaneously renew my image and drum up interest than to get married again? Some women have trouble meeting men, but I found Ricardo at hotillegalimmigrantswhoneedgreencards.com. As the ceremony had to be more tasteful this time, I chose a wedding dress with a back. We still got plenty of presents. Suddenly, "Susanna's Wedding 2" was a huge hit at every family gathering.

 

All good things must come to an end, though, and this one did, thirteen months later, when I met Brian and fell genuinely in love/found out I was pregnant (because I'm not gay). I cut Ricardo loose. His quick deportation made the unavoidable emotional aftermath very clean.

 

Now, here we are! To make people forget the stigma of my first and second weddings, and criminal and foreign husbands, and nearly full-term pregnancy, this will the biggest, most fabulous wedding ever. Fabulous food, beautiful venue, and either midgets or dancing girls, I'm not sure which.

 

My main issue right now is finding a reality television show to film the event and/or foot the cost. I'm sure we'll find a backer: as I told my fiancˇ, this is my final wedding. Because there could never be anyone else. And I'm not gay.

 

 

 

©2005 by Kiersten Conner-Sax

From "50 Tries" at www.connersax.com