Submission #33 to the New Yorker:

 

Scarsdale Nursery School News

BY KIERSTEN CONNER-SAX

 

 

September 7, 2004

 

Welcome Scarsdale Communitarian Church of the Non-Sectarian Community Nursery School 3's Parents!

 

We are Taylor's and Jake's Mommies, the Mommy Reps for the three-year-olds' class. Over the course of the school year, we will do our best to keep you informed about school issues and mandatory volunteer opportunities. We'll have lots of fun, with fundraisers and field trips and birthday parties and play dates and bake sales and raffles and crafts fairs and circuses and more!

 

About birthday partiesÉkeep in mind that not every child will be invited to every birthday party. This is not personal. If your child isn't invited to a particular party or play date, it is likely because he/she isn't friends with that child and/or is being taken care of by a non-parental caregiver and/or bites others.

 

We'll be in touch! Taylor & Jake's Mommies

 

November 18, 2004

 

It's almost Turkey time! Since the kids are working on homonyms, please have your child bring something from Turkey (the country) for "show and tell" next week. In case you're confused, a homonym is "a figure of speech comparing two things, often using the word like or as." The schedule does say they should be working on French vocab, but the class fell behind due to the unexpected counseling required after the "Halloween: Understanding Death" unit.

 

Also, please dress your child in authentic period costumes for the Thanksgiving Feast on Wednesday. Those children designated to be Native Americans should remember to come barefoot. Light-up sneakers ruined the pageant last year.

 

February 12, 2005

 

Time for Valentines! Be sure to hand-write the names of all 18 students on your cards (one for each child, including your own, as you wouldn't want him/her to feel left out) and have your child decorate them him/herself, then attach a non-sugar, non-peanut, lactose-free treat. No staples, please, due to tetanus concerns.

 

March 20, 2005

 

Regarding the incident at school last week, the teachers have spoken to Madison, Brian Reynolds, and the other Brian's mothers. Brian Reynolds will cease to tell Madison and the other Brian that they are not his friends, and Madison has been placed in custody.

 

April 28, 2005

 

Please remember to sign up for appointments for the mid-Spring parent-teacher conferences. This will be your last chance to learn about your child's progress/lack thereof, prior to the late-Spring parent-teacher conference.

 

Alessandra's birthday is on Friday! Be sure your child has a ride to the party, except for David, the other Brian, and Justin, who are not invited.

 

May 14, 2005

 

Due to the date change for the trip to the dairy farm, the children will be going to the firehouse on Thursday and the Library on Tuesday. The last Creative Movement performance will be delayed until Friday. Please plan for a parent or caregiver to be available each of these days, so that none of the children feel left out, abandoned, or unloved. Also, remember to bring a change of clothes (as the children will be sprayed with the firehouse, if necessary), a book, a leotard, and a tutu (just the girls, please, and Justin) on the appropriate days, and crunchy vegetables, paper cups (at least 50% recycled material), and grape juice for Picnic Day.

 

June 2, 2005

 

Graduation approaches! Some parents thought the 4's ceremony was "too much" last year, so we've expanded the celebration to include the 3's so that no one feels left out. Get your check to Zack's Mommy by June 3 for your child's cap and gown rental. The mortarboards this year have rounded, child-friendly corners, so that the kids can march without worrying about/being able to put each other's eyes out, and Madison can be allowed to participate.

 

June 15, 2005

 

Don't forget to donate to the teachers' year-end cash bonus! They worked hard this year. Please give $12 to Zack's mommy, via certified check this time.

 

Have a good summer! Don't worry--we'll be back next year! Taylor & Jake's Mommies

 

 

 

 

©2005 by Kiersten Conner-Sax

From "50 Tries" at www.connersax.com