Excuses excuses...
Sick
Notes
These are real notes written by
parents in a Tennessee school district...(spellings have been left
intact.)
1. My son is under a doctor's
care and should not take PE today. Please execute
him.
2. Please exkuce lisa for being
absent she was sick and i had her
shot.
3. Dear school: please ecsc's
john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also
33.
4. Please excuse gloria from jim
today. She is administrating.
5. Please
excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and
misplaced his hip.
6. John has been
absent because he had two teeth taken out of his
face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday
because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing
part.
8. Megan could not come to school
today because she has been bothered by very close
veins.
9. Chris will not be in school
cus he has an acre in his side.
10.
Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose
vowels.
11. Please excuse pedro from
being absent yesterday. He had (diahre, dyrea, direathe), the sh**s. [note:
words in ( )'s were crossed out] .
12.
Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots
leak.
13. Irving was absent yesterday
because he missed his bust.
14. Please
excuse jimmy for being.It was his father's
fault.
15. I kept billie home because
she had to go christmas shopping because i don't know what size she
wear.
16. Please excuse jennifer fo! R
missing school yesterday. We
forgot to get
the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was
sunday.
17. Sally won't be in school a
week from friday. We have to attend her
funeral.
18. My daughter was absent
yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the
marines.
19. Ple ase excuse jason for
being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed
well.
20. Please excuse mary for being
absent yesterday. She was in bed with
gramps.
21. Gloria was absent yesterday
as she was having a gangover.
22.
Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the
doctor.
23. Maryann was absent december
11-16, because she had a fever,sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her
sister was also sick,fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and
ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be
something going around, her father even got hot last night.
Posted at 09:01 PM Read More
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Home Depot
ME: "Hey honey, I need to go to Home Depot and get
wood."
HER: "Ok...while you're there can
pick me up a ho?"
ME: "Sure...are they
on the same corner as all the day laborers, or across the
driveway?"
Posted at 12:23 AM Read More
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The iPod Shuffle
I have an iPod. On this iPod I have music. And I
must say it is a rather ecclectic collection of music. I have Ray Charles, and
the Chemical Brothers. Allman Brothers and Eminem. And a couple movie
soundtracks...but not only music. I also have a few podcasts and some sound
effects that somehow made it off a sound effects playlist on my Powermac (the
one I use for editing).
Sam has an iPod.
On it she has music. That's it. Music. And she has this handy feature called
SHUFFLE SONGS that will just randomly play a song on your iPod, ignoring
playlists. So it is like listening to a radio station with all your favorite
songs. I have always been jealous of that function of her iPod. But she has
the iPod mini and I have a full sized 3rd generation iPod...the one with all the
buttons. I thought it was a feature of the
mini
I recently updated the software on
my iPod and discovered the SHUFFLE SONG feature has been added. SWEET! Now I
too can have my own personal radio station...K-SHANE! I navigate to that option
and press the select button.
Let the
wonderment that is the stuff on my iPod BEGIN! Here is what my iPod played...in
order:
1) The Countries of the World sung
by Yakko of the Animaniacs
2) Statesboro -
Allman Brothers
3) Tension - Requiem for a
Dream soundtrack
4) Jaime's Cryin' - Van
Halen
5) KCRW Movie Review
podcast
6) Complicated - Avril
Lavigne
7) Chapter 10 of ANGELS AND DEMONS by
Dan Brown, the guy who wrote THE DAVINCI CODE. Oh, yeah, I have books on tape
too.
8) The House is a Rockin' - Stevie Ray
Vaughn
9) Homeless - Paul
Simon
10) Airports I - Brian
Eno
11) The Adventures of Dr. Floyd -
Podcast...a very fun one too.
12) The Finale
music from THE LORD OF THE RINGS-RETURN OF THE
KING
13) The Gambler - Kenny Rogers. I forgot
I even had this. Not in any playlist. This was a pleasant
surprise.
14) St. Jimmy (live in England) -
Green Day
Wow...OK...that
was...interesting.
Posted at 11:50 PM Read More
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What a coincidence...
OK...so for a few weeks I am working as an
ASSISTANT editor. I am doing this as a favor for a friend, and because the job
is Union and it gets me hours towards my health insurance coverage, and opens
another door into the narrative editing world.
Anyway...the editor I am working for is
this girl from New York and we were having a conversation about our lack of
friends. Mine due to my work schedule (nights for the past 8 months) and hers
due to her work schedule (just plain busy). I explained how tough it is to find
friends with the same interests, due to the fact that I am not into sports...at
all. The one man who I was getting to know who had the same interests up and
moved to Korea. ANYWAY...I am straying.
Tina...the editor...also wasn't into sports. Not surprising, she is a woman and
not many women are. But we started talking about this and she mentioned that it
was odd for her NOT to be interested for her father was in that world. He was
Muhammed Ali's fight doctor. Yup, you hear me...ALI..."float like a butterfly,
sting like a bee." He's a pretty
famous guy. So Tina heads
home and I head off in search of dinner. I end up going to a pizza place down
the street and order a small pizza...shocker. Anyway, they have a few TVs in
this place and the channel they were tuned in to was MSNBC...THE SITUATION with
Tucker Carlson....and he was interviewing, of all people...Dr. Pacheco. ALI'S
FIGHT DOCTOR...MY EDITOR'S FATHER!"Holy
shit!" I say, a little too loud for a public place where people are trying to
eat. "Excuse me sir?" asks a waiter.
"Uhm...that man up there...Ali's fight doctor.
That is my co-workers father. I found out
just minutes ago
that he was her
dad.""Ah.
Ooookay."Well,
I thought it
was interesting.
Posted at 04:37 AM Read More
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Cow politics
DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to
your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to
tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides
you with milk.
You wait in line for
hours to get it.
It is expensive and
sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN
STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a
herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY,
AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the
government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down
the drain.
AMERICAN
CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself
and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force
the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow
drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized
and are reducing expenses.
Your stock
goes up.
FRENCH
CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three
cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.
JAPANESE
CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth
the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably
crowded trains.
Most are at the top of
their class at cow school.
GERMAN
CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond,
drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an
hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13
weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN
CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't
know where they are.
While ambling
around, you see a beautiful woman.
You
break for lunch.
Life is good.
RUSSIAN
CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five
cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have
42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes
over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN
CORPORATION
You have all the cows in
Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't
milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US
government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy
weapons.
IRAQI
CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH
CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and
killed attempting to milk them.
BELGIAN
CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French,
other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish
cow won't share with the French cow.
The
French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in
half.
The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA
CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown
cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking
one.
Some of the people who actually
like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote
at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from
out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA
CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big
udders.
Posted at 11:44 PM Read More
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My name was Shane Lee
Shane Ross Lee. Shane R. Lee. Shane Lee. That
WAS my name...and I am trying to say it as often as I can so that (Shane Lee)
people from my past (Shane Ross Lee), more specifically high school (South
Eugene High School in Eugene OR) might be able to find me. When I attended
there I went by Shane Lee, and graduated Shane Thomas Alokut Ross Lee (on the
high school poster I am listed as Shane T.A.R. Lee) I figured that my blog pops
up very often when people do various searches that I thought that if I posted my
old name, Shane Lee, I would pop up if people googled it. One time, my producer
found my blog when he googled "science of the bible," the name of the show I am
currently working on, when he was looking for something else. i was hit #8.
Another person e-mailed me asking for a copy of another show I worked on when
they googled it...I was hit #4. Just to
give a little history...I was born Shane Thomas Alokut Ross. My last name is my
mother's (my mom and dad were never married if you must know. Hippies!) When I
was six years old, I really wanted to bond with my father, so I
wanted to have HIS last name. So when I was in second grade my mother, and I
don't know HOW she managed this, got me a social security card with the name
Shane Ross Lee on it. I was now Shane Lee. And that was the name I went by
for all my life, until my final two years in college. When I started making
movies and had to put my name to them, I decided to go back to Shane Ross. Why?
Well, I guess it was because of all the sacrifices my mother made to raise me
and put me thru college. I wanted to honor her somehow. Not that I don't like
my dad. Quite the opposite. For nearly all my life I called my dad by his
first name...Dirk. When I got to college I made an effort to call him
Dad...because he was...my dad. Finally I felt I was honoring my parents
appropriately. Using the name my mom gave me, and calling my father
"dad."Shane Lee. Shane R. Lee. Shane
Ross Lee. Shane Thomas Alokut Ross
Lee.A while ago I got into tracking down
people I went to high school with...my best friends. I am doing a decent job of
keeping in contact with my college friends (well, the ones I went to UofO with.
My really good lifelong friends. The ones at Montana State University I didn't
quite form life-long bonds with) but my friends from high school have faded
away. Well, not all. I was able to find my best friend, Garby Diggs. His name
is unique enough that I was able to track him down. He signed in on someone's
web page in 1995, and hadn't changed his e-mail. YAAY!. Garby is currently
living in Japan and is recently married. Thru him I found another good friend
of mine...one that he and I always poked fun at, but really were good pals,
Brett Blackshaw. Bret is a brilliant man who graduated from top colleges and
now works for the US State Department. He has travelled the world serving in he
embassies in many countries, including South Korea and currently in...JAPAN! So
he and Garby can now get together.I also
happened to track down Iain Valentine, but it also turned out that while living
in Washington D.C. my cousing was his roommate, and they didn't know it until
she decided to move out here. I have since lost contact with him, but I have
his phone number...and know that he lives in Seattle. I met with him on my last
trip up there.By the way, if you Google
Shane Ross you find most of the hits are for an Irish Senator in Ireland...and a
female actress who was in Frankie and Johnny. Shane Lee.
I have been trying to track down a few
other friends of mine with no luck. Rob Curtis, legally Robert Ross Curtis.
Too dang common. And I have another friend, Vince Woldt, who has a similiar
situation as mine. In high school he was Vince Harper, his fathers last name.
But when he got to college he changed it to Vince Woldt. Tracking him down?
Forget it. No luck. I'd really like to find Rob though. See if his hair is
still so perfect and full of hair spray that it is
bulletproof.Shane Lee.
Posted at 11:13 PM Read More
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Bush likes oil.
Exxon Mobil is going to report RECORD PROFITS at a time of an "oil crisis."
They are making more money than ever
before.And George Bush just gave them a
TAX BREAK? Uhhhh....what?Yeah...George
is looking out for the common man....gotcha.
Posted at 03:32 AM Read More
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Sprinkler
Just one of those neat things that
happen:
I was doing so yard work today
(after a fun filled morning filming a short) and set up the sprinkler. Just as
I turned it on and had it spraying the yard, and watering the sidewalk, a
jogger, covered in sweat happened to run by. When he encountered the water, he
slowed down do get as much of the spray as possible. When he saw me he said
"Just what I needed man."
"Glad I could
be of service."
Posted at 10:51 PM Read More
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It's the little things...
As I drove to work the other day, I noticed that my
windshield wipers were hitting on the beat to the song I was listening to.
Exactly. For the entire song.
It was
quite amazing. Usually things like this (like the blinkers blinking at the rate
of the car in front of you...or, again, to the beat of the music) drift out of
sync after a few beats. But this was spot on...the entire
time.
It was pretty
cool.
Posted at 09:39 PM Read More
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The last election was God's Will
Best letter
to the editor ever!
Sarcastically
speaking.Jesus
speaks through the Republicans I
hope the election of George W. Bush is seen as a wake-up call to all the liberal
Democrats who oppose God's will. It is
His doing that George W. Bush is still our president. Millions of born-again
Christians helped win this election through our prayers and votes. Jesus speaks
through the Republicans. The Democrats
will not be able to win elections until they renounce their sinful ways and stop
encouraging abortions, gayness, and trying to take away our
guns. Earl
Balboa Washington
Township
Posted at 01:28 AM Read More
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Singing in the rain!
Los Angeles has been getting some rain lately. Not
just any
kind of
rain, but the heavy huge downpours that occur in Seattle on a daily basis
(except for that one week in July...). Rain is a good thing...especially for
the desert areas like Los Angeles where we get very little. The issue is that
Los Angeles isn't used to getting its yearly supply of rain IN TWO DAYS. And to
make matters worse, is that it has been raining like this for FOUR days (not
concurrently).Since L.A. isn't prepared
for this type of rain, a plethora of issues
arise:1) People, not used to water
falling from the sky, become even worse drivers than they were before. One
wouldn't think that drivers in L.A. could get much
worse...2) Apartment building parking
structures are now becoming swimming pools for cars. Mind you, cars don't like
to swim.3) The Los Angeles river suddenly
becomes a river. And all that junk that has collected in the cement riverbed
(debris, shopping carts, cars, homeless people) are all swept downriver...to a
small reservior. A small pond really. 4)
City streets, also not used to being rivers, are similarly afflicted.
5) The roof of our house (the part that was
an added extension) was designed by a person who had no idea that water would
ever be on it's surface...much like my high school. SO not only is it raining outside,
but it is raining inside as well. There are so many pots and pans on the floor
to catch the water that there are none left for cooking!
Hey kids, how do you feel about pizza
tonight? YAAAAAYYYYY!(How could the
school board in a state where rain constantly fell not notice that the plans for
the school included a FLAT ROOF. What kind of moron does it take...Oh...wait, I
think I just answered my question.)
Posted at 02:59 PM Read More
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Blogger in hot water
Yet another blogger gets in hot water for postings she made on her blog.
(Click on "hot water" for the story)This
is yet another string of incidents where blogging can affect your life in bad
ways. My buddy Russ got in hot water...and fired...after posting a rant about
his job...that they took as a precursor to him "going postal" in the workplace.
Just plain dumb. Another guy constantly wrote about his relationship in
his blog...including fights and nearly all the blow by blow details...much to
the chagrin of his girlfriend who, by posting an entry on his blog, gave him a piece of her mind (near the bottom,
Sept 1) and dumped him.On that note...I
love my current job, LA is a FANTASTIC town and corporate big-wigs salaries are
perfectly reasonable.
Posted at 02:34 PM Read More
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Mathmatic ponderance
OK. So I am listening to NPR this morning and
they have a story on the Clay Institute of Mathmatics and their several
$1 million dollar challenges to solve complex math
problems.Anyway, when they started going
into one specific equation they are looking to solve, I started pondering one of
my own. Just a question really.It has
been said that mathematics is the universal language. While we might not be
able to communicate verbally, scientists from our world and any possible world
that exists beyond ours COULD be able to relate to each other mathematically. I
think this came up in my college Calsulus class. It was taught by a TA
(teachers assistant) who was also a Trekkie...as I noted by his Star Trek coffe
mug and communicator pin he wore on his jacket. That got me to thinking. Our
system of mathematics is based on multiples of 10. You count to ten, then start
into the next set of 10. Our base number is
10.But what if the alien mathematic
system is based on, say, a base of 8. They work with multiples of 8 much like
we work with multiples of 10. They count to 8, then start with the next
set....that would make their math very different from ours, wouldn't it? Let us
assume that their number 8 looks much like our number 10, because 10 is the base
number and when you reach the top of that base you add an interger. Like we
cound from 1-9, then when we get to 10, we add an interger. When we get to the
top of that set, the first interger changes to reflect a new set (10-19...then
you hit 20) When we get to the second power, we add another interger
(100).Head hurting yet? Mine
is.So when we say 10 time 10 is
100...they say 8 times 8 is 100...not
64.Are you following me at
all?So if they have a base system of 8,
and we have a base system of 10...then their equations and our equations will be
TOTALLY different. Distances will be calculated differently, equations will
come out with different totals. While they will say 8 times 8 is 100...we fall
short with a total of 64. We haven't reached the next set of numbers like they
have.*shake*Are
you completely lost or is anyone following my thought? What does this thought
possibly have to do with ANYTHING...nothing really. Not to me
anyway.
Posted at 06:28 PM Read More
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Excuse me?
Having served on a jury and been a part of the
judicial process...I was beginning to feel better about the justice
system.
Until I came across
THIS:
OCEAN
CITY, Md. - A judge, while acknowledging he believed a college football player
was "guilty as sin," acquitted him of charges related to a run-in with police
after a lawyer argued that a conviction could end the player's
career.
Gregory D.
Powell, 20, was charged with assaulting police and disorderly conduct after a
June disturbance at a motel where police had ordered underage drinkers to pour
out their
beer.
Powell's attorney
told Judge R. Patrick Hayman during the non-jury trial that a conviction or
probation could end Powell's career as a wide receiver at the University of
Maryland.
"Son, you are
about to get an early Christmas present, because I know what effect a probation
would have," Hayman told the defendant Monday. "And it is a gift, because you
are guilty as sin. I'm going to find you not
guilty."
Powell
admitted cursing at an officer and leaving the motel room after police entered.
Officers then used pepper spray on Powell and said he was under arrest.
Afterward, Powell fought with officers and tried to run, police
said.
A spokesman for
Maryland's football program said Powell was likely to face disciplinary action,
but the charges had not kept him out of preseason
practices.
Why do athletes get
treated with kid gloves? Why do we let them get away with so much? No wonder
they feel superior to other people. No wonder they feel like they can do
anything they want and get away with it.
THEY DO!
Posted at 01:58 AM Read More
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EXTREME MONSTER BLOG!
I am tired of seeing the word "extreme" attached to
so many things. I can understand the use of the word when attached to the sport
of skateboarding...there is great potential for bodily harm. The genre of
"extreme" sports is fine.
But "Extreme
Makeover?" What, are they putting make-up and clothes on while skydiving?
"Extreme Dating?" What does that even
mean.
And here is the one that really
puzzles me: Extreme Fishing.
How the
heck is fishing extreme? "Bob casts out his line...and it hits the water. He
slowly reels it in. Slowly. Look at the skill...look at his concentration. He
is really putting all he has into this one cast." Fishing is slow. Fishing is
boring (or relaxing depending on who you talk to). Now, if you were fishing
while water skiing...that would be
extreme!
"Tonight on ESPN 2...EXTREME
POKER!"
Posted at 01:13 AM Read More
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