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Published On: Mar 21, 2005 11:05 PM
Total entries in this category:
Published On: Mar 21, 2005 11:05 PM
How to Build A Fire-pit
...without singeing every last
pubic hair
I've been privileged to be able to prove that
Loverboy is a group that tells hateful lies. Unfortunately they actually sing
those lies. I have not been "working for the weekend", as Mike Reno seems to
imply emphatically. I really do enjoy Loverboy's "Sister Christian" song.
Ha...I'm kidding of course. I know Loverboy didn't do "Sister Christian". That
was classic Journey.
This past weekend I decided it was time for a little outdoors work. It had finally warmed up to a few degrees above "Witches Tit" around here and I wanted to get out there and do some stuff or something.
I watched my share of those home improvement shows. Since I don't recall ever seeing one feature the building of a fire-pit I really didn't know precisely how to do this. We had a huge stack of bricks by the house. I'm not exactly sure how many, but they would have certainly been enough to house that third pig and his two retarded brothers. Were they brothers? Where they even related?
I dug a hole in the yard, filled it with some sand, and put these bricks all around it. The spot where I chose to build a fire-pit was slightly hilly, so my circle of bricks was not exactly even. I had built it up to the point that it would really fuck up a lawnmower if one decided to mow over it. Even though I had only used 1/23 of the available bricks I decided it was done. I based this realization mostly on the fact that I was tired and it was time to move on to actually burning stuff in my new fire-pit.
Back a few years ago, my wife and were actually putting together what was to be a dresser for our son's room. It was while we were doing this that my wife calmly suggested we go to the hospital because there was a pretty good chance that the person we were putting this together for was going to fall out of her vagina. A few days later she finished putting it together (using ALL the screws that came with it - even the extra ones). It hung out in our son's room for a couple of years, and then we moved. Then we moved again. During that last particular move the dresser didn't fair very well. It started coming apart on it's way out of the moving truck into our current dwellings. We threw it in the barn, where I have been walking into it everytime I go out there to look at porn play guitar. You can probably sense where this is going....I burned it in my new firepit! Here's the following exchange my wife and I had while watching it burn:
Wife: You burned George's Dresser?
Me: Yes I did. I also smashed it with this sledgehammer.
Wife: But, we built that together...when I was going into labor.
Me: It was a piece of shit. We can watch it burn together, as long as you don't go into labor.
(silence, as we watch the fire)
Me: If I died right after I took a shit you wouldn't save that would you?
Wife: What?
Me: Of course you wouldn't. It's a piece of shit. Just like that dresser was.
Wife: Did you save the airplane and car drawer knobs?
Me: I think I'll quote this conversation in my blog.
I wound up breathing in too much smoke or drinking too many beers or something and got a headache. I went to bed at 6:30pm. Here's a shot of the finished fire-pit:
....and here it is from a different angle:
This past weekend I decided it was time for a little outdoors work. It had finally warmed up to a few degrees above "Witches Tit" around here and I wanted to get out there and do some stuff or something.
I watched my share of those home improvement shows. Since I don't recall ever seeing one feature the building of a fire-pit I really didn't know precisely how to do this. We had a huge stack of bricks by the house. I'm not exactly sure how many, but they would have certainly been enough to house that third pig and his two retarded brothers. Were they brothers? Where they even related?
I dug a hole in the yard, filled it with some sand, and put these bricks all around it. The spot where I chose to build a fire-pit was slightly hilly, so my circle of bricks was not exactly even. I had built it up to the point that it would really fuck up a lawnmower if one decided to mow over it. Even though I had only used 1/23 of the available bricks I decided it was done. I based this realization mostly on the fact that I was tired and it was time to move on to actually burning stuff in my new fire-pit.
Back a few years ago, my wife and were actually putting together what was to be a dresser for our son's room. It was while we were doing this that my wife calmly suggested we go to the hospital because there was a pretty good chance that the person we were putting this together for was going to fall out of her vagina. A few days later she finished putting it together (using ALL the screws that came with it - even the extra ones). It hung out in our son's room for a couple of years, and then we moved. Then we moved again. During that last particular move the dresser didn't fair very well. It started coming apart on it's way out of the moving truck into our current dwellings. We threw it in the barn, where I have been walking into it everytime I go out there to look at porn play guitar. You can probably sense where this is going....I burned it in my new firepit! Here's the following exchange my wife and I had while watching it burn:
Wife: You burned George's Dresser?
Me: Yes I did. I also smashed it with this sledgehammer.
Wife: But, we built that together...when I was going into labor.
Me: It was a piece of shit. We can watch it burn together, as long as you don't go into labor.
(silence, as we watch the fire)
Me: If I died right after I took a shit you wouldn't save that would you?
Wife: What?
Me: Of course you wouldn't. It's a piece of shit. Just like that dresser was.
Wife: Did you save the airplane and car drawer knobs?
Me: I think I'll quote this conversation in my blog.
I wound up breathing in too much smoke or drinking too many beers or something and got a headache. I went to bed at 6:30pm. Here's a shot of the finished fire-pit:
....and here it is from a different angle:
Posted: Mon - March 21, 2005 at 11:02 PM