OSCAR OBSERVATIONS #3-15
just when i think i'm out...they pull me
back in.
From the rest of the
evening:
3) Best Jon Stewart line of the night (and it wasn't even close): Bjork couldn't be here tonight. She was trying on her Oscar dress, and Dick Cheney shot her.
4) Best Jon Stewart commentary on the sometimes sorry state of the Oscars: For those of your keeping score: that's Martin Scorsese, zero Oscars; Three 6 Mafia, one.
5) Philip Seymour Hoffman has been so good for so long that it's hard to believe he's only 38. And even harder to believe that, until tonight, or at least until this year, most of America didn't even know his name.
6) Nice acceptance speech, Reese Witherspoon. A bit nervous and breathless, but also heartfelt and gracious.
7) Dolly Parton still has her voice and her charm, but by God, she's lost her face. And apparently on purpose. That emaciated, surgically engineered death masque atop her neck was the scariest, and the saddest, thing I saw all night.
8) The Meryl Streep-Lily Tomlin bit began slowly and awkwardly, but once they got rolling and found their timing (or purposeful lack thereof), it was a lot of fun. They were, hands down, the most lively and entertaining pair of presenters.
9) Hands-down least lively and entertaining pair of presenters: Sandra Bullock, who looked like birds had been pecking at her hair backstage, and Keanu Reeves, who sounded, as always, like birds had been pecking at his brain backstage.
10) Hey, Charlize Theron: you're beautiful, you're getting good film roles, you're a current Oscar nominee and a recent Oscar winner -- so why the sour puss? You couldn't at least muster a smile or two? Was that cancerous growth of a bow on your right shoulder sucking out all of your positive energy?
11) After a conspicuous absence the last two years, Jack Nicholson made a triumphant return to the Oscar ceremony. And it was pretty obvious that he'd struck a deal with the producers to do so: You want me to bring my style and my smile and my sunglasses back to the front row? You got it. But on two conditions: I get to announce Best Picture, and I get to sit next to Keira Knightley.
12) Do you think someone tipped off Brokeback Mountain producer and co-screenwriter Diana Ossana that her film wasn't going to win Best Picture? Or is she just that much of a joyless, lifeless lump? She never cracked even a hint of a smile when she and Larry McMurtry -- he of the tux jacket, faded jeans combo -- won Best Adapted Screenplay, nor during her entire, stultifying acceptance speech, nor when Ang Lee won Best Director. After that display -- what was it? self-importance? self-seriousness? constipation? -- I was particularly pleased not to have to watch her scowl her way through a Best Picture acceptance.
13) Twice this morning I've heard Crash's Best Picture win described as the biggest upset in Oscar history. When a film has built several months' worth of Oscar buzz, gotten a ton of attention and affection, won a fair share of critics' awards, and is considered one of the two front-runners (if not actually the favorite) to win the award, that's not much of an upset. For my money, the biggest Best Picture upset in Oscar history came in 1981, when Chariots of Fire crossed the finish line ahead of Reds, On Golden Pond, Raiders of the Lost Ark, and Atlantic City. When at least three (and perhaps all four) of the other nominees are considered much bigger, better bets for the Oscar, and when four of the other five major awards have already been split between the two Best Picture front-runners, you figure there's no way in Hell or Hollywood that some quiet, gentle little film about a couple of British runners is going to win. But it did. And it deserved to.
14) The inevitable Brokeback Mountain Didn't Win Best Picture hand-wringing and garment-rending has already begun. Co-screenwriter Larry McMurtry: Perhaps the truth really is, Americans don't want cowboys to be gay. Translation: Waaaaaaaaaaaa! Film critic Kenneth Turan declared it a sign that Hollywood wasn't ready to give homosexual love mainstream respectability. Translation: Waaaaaaaaaaaa! First: in 2006, you're lucky if Americans want cowboys to be anything. Second: does mainstream respectability only come from winning Best Picture? Eight nominations, three Oscars, good box office, a bunch of Golden Globes, a boatload of guild and critics' association awards, almost unanimous critical praise, multiple magazine covers, and a cultural buzz that's lasted for more than three months doesn't constitute mainstream credibility? Perhaps the truth is that this was a sign that Hollywood came to its senses and realized that, for all the buzz and talk and self-congratulation, Brokeback Mountain was a better cultural crusade than it was a movie.
15) But then so was Crash.
3) Best Jon Stewart line of the night (and it wasn't even close): Bjork couldn't be here tonight. She was trying on her Oscar dress, and Dick Cheney shot her.
4) Best Jon Stewart commentary on the sometimes sorry state of the Oscars: For those of your keeping score: that's Martin Scorsese, zero Oscars; Three 6 Mafia, one.
5) Philip Seymour Hoffman has been so good for so long that it's hard to believe he's only 38. And even harder to believe that, until tonight, or at least until this year, most of America didn't even know his name.
6) Nice acceptance speech, Reese Witherspoon. A bit nervous and breathless, but also heartfelt and gracious.
7) Dolly Parton still has her voice and her charm, but by God, she's lost her face. And apparently on purpose. That emaciated, surgically engineered death masque atop her neck was the scariest, and the saddest, thing I saw all night.
8) The Meryl Streep-Lily Tomlin bit began slowly and awkwardly, but once they got rolling and found their timing (or purposeful lack thereof), it was a lot of fun. They were, hands down, the most lively and entertaining pair of presenters.
9) Hands-down least lively and entertaining pair of presenters: Sandra Bullock, who looked like birds had been pecking at her hair backstage, and Keanu Reeves, who sounded, as always, like birds had been pecking at his brain backstage.
10) Hey, Charlize Theron: you're beautiful, you're getting good film roles, you're a current Oscar nominee and a recent Oscar winner -- so why the sour puss? You couldn't at least muster a smile or two? Was that cancerous growth of a bow on your right shoulder sucking out all of your positive energy?
11) After a conspicuous absence the last two years, Jack Nicholson made a triumphant return to the Oscar ceremony. And it was pretty obvious that he'd struck a deal with the producers to do so: You want me to bring my style and my smile and my sunglasses back to the front row? You got it. But on two conditions: I get to announce Best Picture, and I get to sit next to Keira Knightley.
12) Do you think someone tipped off Brokeback Mountain producer and co-screenwriter Diana Ossana that her film wasn't going to win Best Picture? Or is she just that much of a joyless, lifeless lump? She never cracked even a hint of a smile when she and Larry McMurtry -- he of the tux jacket, faded jeans combo -- won Best Adapted Screenplay, nor during her entire, stultifying acceptance speech, nor when Ang Lee won Best Director. After that display -- what was it? self-importance? self-seriousness? constipation? -- I was particularly pleased not to have to watch her scowl her way through a Best Picture acceptance.
13) Twice this morning I've heard Crash's Best Picture win described as the biggest upset in Oscar history. When a film has built several months' worth of Oscar buzz, gotten a ton of attention and affection, won a fair share of critics' awards, and is considered one of the two front-runners (if not actually the favorite) to win the award, that's not much of an upset. For my money, the biggest Best Picture upset in Oscar history came in 1981, when Chariots of Fire crossed the finish line ahead of Reds, On Golden Pond, Raiders of the Lost Ark, and Atlantic City. When at least three (and perhaps all four) of the other nominees are considered much bigger, better bets for the Oscar, and when four of the other five major awards have already been split between the two Best Picture front-runners, you figure there's no way in Hell or Hollywood that some quiet, gentle little film about a couple of British runners is going to win. But it did. And it deserved to.
14) The inevitable Brokeback Mountain Didn't Win Best Picture hand-wringing and garment-rending has already begun. Co-screenwriter Larry McMurtry: Perhaps the truth really is, Americans don't want cowboys to be gay. Translation: Waaaaaaaaaaaa! Film critic Kenneth Turan declared it a sign that Hollywood wasn't ready to give homosexual love mainstream respectability. Translation: Waaaaaaaaaaaa! First: in 2006, you're lucky if Americans want cowboys to be anything. Second: does mainstream respectability only come from winning Best Picture? Eight nominations, three Oscars, good box office, a bunch of Golden Globes, a boatload of guild and critics' association awards, almost unanimous critical praise, multiple magazine covers, and a cultural buzz that's lasted for more than three months doesn't constitute mainstream credibility? Perhaps the truth is that this was a sign that Hollywood came to its senses and realized that, for all the buzz and talk and self-congratulation, Brokeback Mountain was a better cultural crusade than it was a movie.
15) But then so was Crash.
Posted: Mon - March 6, 2006 at 10:16 AM
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Published On: Jan 16, 2009 04:50 PM
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Published On: Jan 16, 2009 04:50 PM