IDIOT HOCKEY POST OF THE WEEK


and the month. and the season. and quite possibly the decade.

So a friend and former student of mine just referred me to this Facebook Smack Talk Wall devoted to the upcoming Penguins-Flyers series. He thought I'd enjoy the silliness on both sides, but most especially the raging, rampant idiocy of a post made by Tom of Philadelphia at 7:39 this morning:

No way these Flyers gonna lose to the Pens never happened. Never will. Sorry to burst your bubble, but Hossa won't be worth it if you go down to us now. Any team that plays Kapanen on the fourth line is very deep. On, your team, he'd be on lines 2 or 3.

Because I'm feeling uncharacteristically charitable, we'll ignore the suspect syntax, the inelegant diction, and even the sub-grade-school punctuation, and get right to the heart of poor Tom's idiocy: his contention that Flyers fourth-liner Sami Kapanen would be a second- or third-liner on the Penguins.

Now. Anyone who knows anything -- and I do mean anything -- about these two teams knows, prima facie, a priori, and ad infinitum, as surely as he (or she) know his (or her) own name, that this is a flaming pile of horse manure, and that to question the logic of it is to imply, quite foolishly indeed, that even the faintest hint of logic went in to the patently absurd making of it. The statement, devoid of all sense and reason, is its own best refutation.

But, since I'm a stickler for argument and evidence, and because you know it's gonna be a whole lot of fun, let's follow through with it anyway.

Here's Sami Kapanen's 2007-2008 stat line: 5 goals, 3 assists, with a plus/minus rating of -12, averaging 13:19 of ice time per game. Not exactly scintillating numbers. But, hey, I'm sure Tom's seeming lunacy must have some basis in fact. So let's compare those numbers to the numbers of the Pens' second- and third-liners.

(We have a bit of a problem picking a 2nd line, however, because once everyone got healthy, the Marian Hossa trade created what are essentially two first lines; on any given night, either the Crosby line or the Malkin line could be considered the #1 unit. Which means, of course, that either unit could also be considered the second line. So, in fairness to Tom, let's just compare Kapanen's stats to the stats of all six of the Pens' possible second-liners:)

KAPANEN: 8 in 74. -12

CROSBY: 72 in 53. +18

HOSSA: 66 in 72. Even

DuPUIS: 27 in 78. +4

MALKIN: 106 in 82. +16

MALONE: 51 in 77. +14

SYKORA: 63 in 81. +1

That's right, kids: Kapanen's numbers pale (19 fewer points, 16 lower +/- ) in comparison even to those of Pascal DuPuis, who spent much of his season on the third line for the Atlanta Thrashers and only recently joined a top-two line after coming to the Pens in the Hossa deal. And Kapanen has 43 fewer points (and 26 lower in +/-) than Ryan Malone, the lowest scorer on Evgeni Malkin's line. So it looks like Tom's contention that Kapanen could play on the Pens' second line is just as much a festering pile of cow chips as we all already knew it was.

But, once again, in fairness to Tom, he did say lines 2 or 3. So let's give him the benefit of a doubt we already know he does not deserve, and, just for kicks, compare Sami Kapanen's stats to the stats of the Pens' third-liners. For the sake of some context, and because we're at least getting a little closer to reality, we'll also throw in ice time figures:

KAPANEN: 8 in 74. -12. 13:19

STAAL 28 in 82. -5. 18:16

RUUTU 16 in 71. +3. 10:12

KENNEDY 19 in 55. +2. 12:13

That's right, kids: Kapanen averaged more ice time in more games than two of the Pens' third liners, and yet he still only managed half (or less-than-half) of their point totals. While also compiling a +/- rating some 14 (or 15) points lower. Which means that Tom's contention that Kapanen would surely be a third-liner for the Pens is the steaming pile of dog crap that we always knew it was.

But, hey, maybe Tom just got carried away with his pre-playoff exuberance. Maybe his passion for his home team just got him a little too fired up. Or maybe he hit the wrong numbers (and letters) on his keyboard, and actually meant to write that Kapanen is just as accomplished as the Pens' own fourth-liners. So, just for shits and giggles, let's take a look at those numbers too:

KAPANEN: 8 in 74. -12. 13:19

TALBOT 26 in 63. +8. 15:28

ROBERTS 15 in 38. -3. 13:20

LARAQUE 13 in 71. Even. 7:42

That's right, kids: all the Pens' fourth liners have better numbers than Kapanen too. Even the Pens' most lightly used fourth-liner -- tough-guy enforcer Georges Laraque, he of the hands- and skates-of-stone -- has scored five more points than Kapanen, while playing playing in three fewer games and averaging almost six fewer minutes of ice time per game. Which means that Tom's contention, even if we adjust for exuberance and insanity, is just as much of a stinking puddle of cat pee as we always knew it to be.

Now. None of this means, of course, that the Flyers can't win. (They certainly could.) Or that the Flyers aren't deep. (They certainly are.) Or that Sami Kapanen is not a fine and perfectly serviceable fourth-liner for a team in the Eastern Conference Finals. (He is.) But it does mean that -- surprise, surprise -- Facebook Tom from Philadelphia has no idea what he's talking about. That the Penguins are even deeper than the Flyers. And that, if Sami Kapanen were indeed a Penguin, he wouldn't be able to crack the lineup at all.

I've already made that case quite clearly, but in case you need any more evidence, here it is:

KAPANEN: 8 in 74. -12. 13:19

JEFF TAAFE: 12 in 45. +2. 9:35

Taafe, a solid two-way contributor whose numbers are considerably better than Kapanen's even before you adjust for ice time and games played, has yet to appear in a Pens' playoff game.

Posted: Thu - May 8, 2008 at 09:59 AM          

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