THEY'LL LEAVE THE BLOGS OFF FOR YA!
or, there's trouble down in
hoopieville.
Few emails make my day more than those from TWM
readers telling me they enjoy my work. Few of those emails make my day more
than those from first-time emailers who, after reading for a long time, are
finally compelled to write and tell me so. But I can't recall any of those
emails that have ever made my day -- or, in this case, my night -- more than
this one, from a ramblin', gamblin' man we'll call RB:
I wonder what dastardly deed caused Mountaineer Race Track & Gaming Resort to block access to TWM on their complimentary set of laptop computers in the Java Joint lounge?
I routinely use these computers to read TMW and Carbolic Smoke Ball when I visit Mountaineer and must confess TMW is the only nonporno site I have encountered that is blocked. I routinely read your blog and can't recall any posts that might have infuriated the "powers that be" in Chester, West Virginia.
Keep up the good work! I enjoy reading TWM.
Though it's not clear whether RB wants to complement the good work of writing TWM or of getting TWM banned from Mountaineer Race Track and Gaming Resort laptops, I'll assume he means to complement both. If only because, at this moment, I'm not sure which one makes me more proud. I mean, sure, this blog is is a labor of love more than three years in the making, a depository -- and perhaps a repository, but certainly not a suppository -- of key pieces of my heart and mind and soul, all wrapped in the best writing I can possibly muster. But, really, how many blogs can say they've been exiled from the complimentary computers in the Java Joint Lounge of West Virginia's most conspicuous palace of iniquity? That has to count for something. If only you could cash it in and double it down, well...
...you might be able to make a bundle betting on the slots or the ponies or the dirty little posties that put me in Dutch with the West Virginia Numbers Runners.
I, for one, have at least three guesses.
The first is also the least likely, if only because it just hit cyberspace yesterday. And yet, buried a few paragraphs into my shakedown of Post-Gazette sports columnists were a couple of tongue-and-keyboard-in-cheek takedowns of the Mountain State. In addition to the requisite burning couches in Morgantown reference, there were also these two sentences, worth repeating here for their sophisticated wit and scintillating syntax, at which Ted Arneault and Company may have taken offense: The outcome of the game certainly shocked people in West Virginia. But then so do running water, undiluted gene pools, and the fact that anyone outside the state would hire Alecia Sirk to communicate. (These sentences were just as likely to get TWM banned from the Pittsburgh City/County Building -- assuming, of course, that anyone there even bothers to read the blogs now that the mayoral race is over -- but I digress.)
My second guess would be this nasty little number, a 2,913-word skewering of people too naive or stupid or ignorant (or all of the above) to expect an R-rated teen sex comedy to be unsuitable for young children. By my count, 58 of those 2,913 words are fuck or some variant there-fucking-of, so perhaps the gamers and race trackers are only comfortable with that word (or that root) when it's flying from the mouths of folks who've just lost a small portion of their savings playing the slots or the ponies or the poker tables. Perhaps those words are the most truly superbad when they're not accompanied by the sounds of Moutaineer's ever-filling coffers.
But if I had to place a bet -- and in West Virginia, well, what are the odds of that? -- I'd say the proud post that really banned the blog would be this one, in which, after a series of degenerate Googlers came here in search of a young sorcerer's bone, I, with tongue and keyboard planted so firmly in cheek that anyone reading along would have thought I were hoarding Daniel Radcliffe's nuts for winter, proudly re-christened this site TEACHER. WORDSMITH. MADMAN.: Your Harry Potter's Penis Headquarters.
But whatever the post and whatever the reason, I'm considering this a badge of honor. And so I've created one in its honor:
Yeah. I'd say that makes it a push. For now.
I wonder what dastardly deed caused Mountaineer Race Track & Gaming Resort to block access to TWM on their complimentary set of laptop computers in the Java Joint lounge?
I routinely use these computers to read TMW and Carbolic Smoke Ball when I visit Mountaineer and must confess TMW is the only nonporno site I have encountered that is blocked. I routinely read your blog and can't recall any posts that might have infuriated the "powers that be" in Chester, West Virginia.
Keep up the good work! I enjoy reading TWM.
Though it's not clear whether RB wants to complement the good work of writing TWM or of getting TWM banned from Mountaineer Race Track and Gaming Resort laptops, I'll assume he means to complement both. If only because, at this moment, I'm not sure which one makes me more proud. I mean, sure, this blog is is a labor of love more than three years in the making, a depository -- and perhaps a repository, but certainly not a suppository -- of key pieces of my heart and mind and soul, all wrapped in the best writing I can possibly muster. But, really, how many blogs can say they've been exiled from the complimentary computers in the Java Joint Lounge of West Virginia's most conspicuous palace of iniquity? That has to count for something. If only you could cash it in and double it down, well...
...you might be able to make a bundle betting on the slots or the ponies or the dirty little posties that put me in Dutch with the West Virginia Numbers Runners.
I, for one, have at least three guesses.
The first is also the least likely, if only because it just hit cyberspace yesterday. And yet, buried a few paragraphs into my shakedown of Post-Gazette sports columnists were a couple of tongue-and-keyboard-in-cheek takedowns of the Mountain State. In addition to the requisite burning couches in Morgantown reference, there were also these two sentences, worth repeating here for their sophisticated wit and scintillating syntax, at which Ted Arneault and Company may have taken offense: The outcome of the game certainly shocked people in West Virginia. But then so do running water, undiluted gene pools, and the fact that anyone outside the state would hire Alecia Sirk to communicate. (These sentences were just as likely to get TWM banned from the Pittsburgh City/County Building -- assuming, of course, that anyone there even bothers to read the blogs now that the mayoral race is over -- but I digress.)
My second guess would be this nasty little number, a 2,913-word skewering of people too naive or stupid or ignorant (or all of the above) to expect an R-rated teen sex comedy to be unsuitable for young children. By my count, 58 of those 2,913 words are fuck or some variant there-fucking-of, so perhaps the gamers and race trackers are only comfortable with that word (or that root) when it's flying from the mouths of folks who've just lost a small portion of their savings playing the slots or the ponies or the poker tables. Perhaps those words are the most truly superbad when they're not accompanied by the sounds of Moutaineer's ever-filling coffers.
But if I had to place a bet -- and in West Virginia, well, what are the odds of that? -- I'd say the proud post that really banned the blog would be this one, in which, after a series of degenerate Googlers came here in search of a young sorcerer's bone, I, with tongue and keyboard planted so firmly in cheek that anyone reading along would have thought I were hoarding Daniel Radcliffe's nuts for winter, proudly re-christened this site TEACHER. WORDSMITH. MADMAN.: Your Harry Potter's Penis Headquarters.
But whatever the post and whatever the reason, I'm considering this a badge of honor. And so I've created one in its honor:
Yeah. I'd say that makes it a push. For now.
Posted: Tue - December 4, 2007 at 08:12 PM
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Published On: Jan 04, 2008 11:30 AM
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Published On: Jan 04, 2008 11:30 AM