BUMBO DUMBOS
or, once more unto the idiots, dear
friends.
Long-time readers will remember a post from a couple of years ago in which I
ruminated on, and then (who are we kidding?) ranted a bit about, all those
moronic warning labels (Hair Dryer: Do not
use in the bathtub; Preparation H:
Do not take
internally) that keep cropping up like
anti-litigious weeds in our anti-intellectual garden of crass consumerism. One
of TWM's most faithful and favorite readers -- we'll call her Mrs. Smith, and
give her credit for the title of this post -- surely remembers it, or at least
pays tribute to it, with an email so great and a gripe so grand that I'm
compelled to reprint it here, in full, with a few editorial asides for
effect:
I know you're quite busy with the world of politics right now, but I just had to email you now that I've finished reading about Wal-Mart's recall of the Bumbo. You know how I get fired up about idiot parents and the children they have so unwisely decided to conceive.
If you haven't seen the news coverage or read about it yourself, the Bumbo is a foam seat for infants who can support their own head. It's actually quite nice. We have two in the Infant Wing. [Ms. Smith is a local -- and soon-to-be-international -- child-care professional.] The recall is due to the aforementioned idiot parents who decided to place the Bumbo on top of a table and/or counter while their children were still sitting in it. I think you can see where this is going. The children lean and fall and fracture their skull.
[You can read about an especially egregious and infuriating case, in which an idiot mother recounts watching in horror as her baby launches head-first off her kitchen counter, here.]
They're calling it a "recall" but what the article said was:
"Consumers should contact Bumbo to obtain new warning label stickers and instructions for the recalled baby seats and should never use the infant seat on a table, countertop, chair or other elevated surface," the agency said. On its Web site, Bumbo said it temporarily stopped selling the baby seat until safety packaging can be updated. "The Bumbo Baby Seat is safe when used properly, but we have voluntarily agreed to update the packaging to ensure there is no confusion about the safe, proper use of the Bumbo Baby Seat," the company said.
Instead of handing out warning labels for the Bumbo, they should be handing out warning labels for the parents. How about "CAUTION: I'm an Unfit Parent." Or, "WARNING: Don't Mistake Child for Table Setting."
Excellent suggestions both. But they may be a bit subtle and sophisticated for their target audience. So I'd suggest something a bit more clear and direct, like: HEY, DUMB ASS: Don't Put Your Baby on a Counter, a Table, a Shelf, a Desk, the Top of Your Steps, the Roof of Your Car, or Anywhere Else More Than a Half-Inch off the Ground When Using the Bumbo.
And right below that warning label should be another one that reads, HEY, YOU. YEAH, YOU!: If You Don't Follow or Can't Understand the Previous Warning, Please Call Your Local Child Welfare Office Immediately, and Never, Ever Have Sex Without Using Birth Control Again. Thank You.
I know you're quite busy with the world of politics right now, but I just had to email you now that I've finished reading about Wal-Mart's recall of the Bumbo. You know how I get fired up about idiot parents and the children they have so unwisely decided to conceive.
If you haven't seen the news coverage or read about it yourself, the Bumbo is a foam seat for infants who can support their own head. It's actually quite nice. We have two in the Infant Wing. [Ms. Smith is a local -- and soon-to-be-international -- child-care professional.] The recall is due to the aforementioned idiot parents who decided to place the Bumbo on top of a table and/or counter while their children were still sitting in it. I think you can see where this is going. The children lean and fall and fracture their skull.
[You can read about an especially egregious and infuriating case, in which an idiot mother recounts watching in horror as her baby launches head-first off her kitchen counter, here.]
They're calling it a "recall" but what the article said was:
"Consumers should contact Bumbo to obtain new warning label stickers and instructions for the recalled baby seats and should never use the infant seat on a table, countertop, chair or other elevated surface," the agency said. On its Web site, Bumbo said it temporarily stopped selling the baby seat until safety packaging can be updated. "The Bumbo Baby Seat is safe when used properly, but we have voluntarily agreed to update the packaging to ensure there is no confusion about the safe, proper use of the Bumbo Baby Seat," the company said.
Instead of handing out warning labels for the Bumbo, they should be handing out warning labels for the parents. How about "CAUTION: I'm an Unfit Parent." Or, "WARNING: Don't Mistake Child for Table Setting."
Excellent suggestions both. But they may be a bit subtle and sophisticated for their target audience. So I'd suggest something a bit more clear and direct, like: HEY, DUMB ASS: Don't Put Your Baby on a Counter, a Table, a Shelf, a Desk, the Top of Your Steps, the Roof of Your Car, or Anywhere Else More Than a Half-Inch off the Ground When Using the Bumbo.
And right below that warning label should be another one that reads, HEY, YOU. YEAH, YOU!: If You Don't Follow or Can't Understand the Previous Warning, Please Call Your Local Child Welfare Office Immediately, and Never, Ever Have Sex Without Using Birth Control Again. Thank You.
Posted: Thu - October 25, 2007 at 03:08 PM
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Published On: Nov 30, 2007 03:57 PM
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Published On: Nov 30, 2007 03:57 PM