BEEF ON WECHT, PART TWO
or, when cyril wrote
jerry...
I promised you offense, I promised you bigotries,
and I promised you sheer, atavistic, letter-reading terror. And all those
things shall I -- or, more accurately, Dr. Cyril H. Wecht, M.D., J.D., A.S.S. --
deliver, along with a healthy dose of humor and, if you read between the lines,
a crystal-clear understanding of where these letters come from, and a snapshot
of how damned dead-on I was last Thursday. But first, a little
background...
In November of 2004, not long after Yasser Arafat died, our esteemed (and now indicted) former coroner wrote a letter to the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review in which he, from thousands of miles (and realities) away, Senator-Doctor-Bill-Frist-like, diagnosed the likely cause of death as AIDS. A week later, Jerry Schiller, whom you'll remember as the emailing husband of Else from the first part of our saga, fired off this letter to the Trib:
I find it interesting that Allegheny County Coroner Cyril Wecht would seek to add more fuel to the fire to further disgrace Yasser Arafat and his already dismal reputation in the West by professionally suggesting that the Palestinians’ leader died of AIDS.
A much more legitimate speculation would be that Arafat was poisoned by his Arab enemies, or more likely, by the Mossad, the famed Israeli intelligence agency.
I hope that our word renowned coroner did not write his clinical diagnosis and widely defaming letter on official Allegheny County stationary or I fear that county taxpayers could become a party to a massive civil lawsuit filed by Arafat’s widow.
Okay. Got that? Fairly straightforward and innocuous, right? Well, not to the jaded eyes and jangled brain of our favorite anti-Semite spotter. To the good doctor/lawyer/dissembler, Mr. Schiller's letter must have read like a cross between Mein Kampf, a Hitler Youth recruiting pamphlet, and a Josef Mengele journal entry.
Think I'm exaggerating? Consider the letter he wrote and mailed to Mr. Schiller eight days letter -- a letter so vile, so loathsome, so utterly execrable, that I won't even stoop to perform the usual TWM deconstruction job upon it. It's very existence performs that task admirably enough already:
Herr Schiller:
I consider myself to be extremely fortunate. On my worst days and in my bleakest moments, I am always able to seek comfort and find solace in the fact that individuals of your ilk are constantly aggravated and emotionally distressed by the knowledge that Jewish people and Israel continue to survive (despite your strong wishes and fervent prayers to the contrary). Indeed, I can only imagine how excruciatingly painful it must be to you and your fellow bundsmen to read so frequently about highly successful Jews in the fields of business, medicine, science, law, literature, etc. There probably is no limit to the sacrifices you would be willing and delighted to make if only you could bring this historical phenomenon to a quick and painful death.
Herr Schiller, be advised that I am not some insignificant meek Jew who will ignore and remain passively silent in the face of thinly veiled virulent and venomous anti-Semitism spewed forth by the likes of you. Perhaps you might wish to follow up on the asinine and absurd comments contained in your Tribune-Review letter with a direct personal meeting. As unpleasant and unrewarding as it undoubtedly would be, I would willingly disengage myself from the work that I do to confront a bigoted, anti-Israel, pro-Arabist like you. And I doubt that I would need to assistance of the Mossad to effectively deal with you.
Cyril H. Wecht, M.D., J.D.
See what I mean? It's enough to make you sick to your stomach. And send a chill up your spine. And make you want to scrub every last inch of your body until it's raw and bleeding, if only to be sure that not a single trace of contagion remains.
Does that sound like something written by a man of impeccable professional and personal values to you? Or does it sound like something written by a man who has taught his son all too well the insidious means by which bigotries are passed down, generation to generation?
Since I just can't bring myself to dissect or respond to this letter any further, I'll cede that dubious pleasure to Mr. Schiller himself, who also shared with me the letter he wrote in response. It is as sharp and clever and funny as anything that has ever appeared on this site. And so it is, perhaps, here at the end of this unfortunate trilogy, just balm and salve enough to heal the psychic wounds brought on by all this Wechtian bile:
Honorable Cyril H. Wecht, M.D., J.D.:
Enclosed is a copy of a letter I received from someone using your name and stationery. I thought you should be made aware that a deranged psychopath or possibly a terrorist group is making libelous rants and threats against private citizens using your good name, office and signature. My Jewish ancestors would be spinning in their graves if they knew that I was being accused of anti-Semitism and that Jew of your renown was having his name besmirched by having it attached to such malignant trash.
My wife, at first, thought it was a hilarious practical joke but one can never be sure nowadays with so many mentally ill people walking the streets unatended and without proper medication. I suggest you investigate the source of this incoherent harangue because the author is obviously mentally unbalanced and could be a danger to himself and others.
I am preserving the original letter and envelope in an airtight zip lock bag so the authorities can test them for drugs and toxins. The insignificant moron who wrote this sputtering drivel probably dribbled spittle on the paper, which could be tested for DNA, and I would guess that traces of prohibited intoxicants or hallucinogens would also be found.
Very truly yours,
Gerald Schiller.
In November of 2004, not long after Yasser Arafat died, our esteemed (and now indicted) former coroner wrote a letter to the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review in which he, from thousands of miles (and realities) away, Senator-Doctor-Bill-Frist-like, diagnosed the likely cause of death as AIDS. A week later, Jerry Schiller, whom you'll remember as the emailing husband of Else from the first part of our saga, fired off this letter to the Trib:
I find it interesting that Allegheny County Coroner Cyril Wecht would seek to add more fuel to the fire to further disgrace Yasser Arafat and his already dismal reputation in the West by professionally suggesting that the Palestinians’ leader died of AIDS.
A much more legitimate speculation would be that Arafat was poisoned by his Arab enemies, or more likely, by the Mossad, the famed Israeli intelligence agency.
I hope that our word renowned coroner did not write his clinical diagnosis and widely defaming letter on official Allegheny County stationary or I fear that county taxpayers could become a party to a massive civil lawsuit filed by Arafat’s widow.
Okay. Got that? Fairly straightforward and innocuous, right? Well, not to the jaded eyes and jangled brain of our favorite anti-Semite spotter. To the good doctor/lawyer/dissembler, Mr. Schiller's letter must have read like a cross between Mein Kampf, a Hitler Youth recruiting pamphlet, and a Josef Mengele journal entry.
Think I'm exaggerating? Consider the letter he wrote and mailed to Mr. Schiller eight days letter -- a letter so vile, so loathsome, so utterly execrable, that I won't even stoop to perform the usual TWM deconstruction job upon it. It's very existence performs that task admirably enough already:
Herr Schiller:
I consider myself to be extremely fortunate. On my worst days and in my bleakest moments, I am always able to seek comfort and find solace in the fact that individuals of your ilk are constantly aggravated and emotionally distressed by the knowledge that Jewish people and Israel continue to survive (despite your strong wishes and fervent prayers to the contrary). Indeed, I can only imagine how excruciatingly painful it must be to you and your fellow bundsmen to read so frequently about highly successful Jews in the fields of business, medicine, science, law, literature, etc. There probably is no limit to the sacrifices you would be willing and delighted to make if only you could bring this historical phenomenon to a quick and painful death.
Herr Schiller, be advised that I am not some insignificant meek Jew who will ignore and remain passively silent in the face of thinly veiled virulent and venomous anti-Semitism spewed forth by the likes of you. Perhaps you might wish to follow up on the asinine and absurd comments contained in your Tribune-Review letter with a direct personal meeting. As unpleasant and unrewarding as it undoubtedly would be, I would willingly disengage myself from the work that I do to confront a bigoted, anti-Israel, pro-Arabist like you. And I doubt that I would need to assistance of the Mossad to effectively deal with you.
Cyril H. Wecht, M.D., J.D.
See what I mean? It's enough to make you sick to your stomach. And send a chill up your spine. And make you want to scrub every last inch of your body until it's raw and bleeding, if only to be sure that not a single trace of contagion remains.
Does that sound like something written by a man of impeccable professional and personal values to you? Or does it sound like something written by a man who has taught his son all too well the insidious means by which bigotries are passed down, generation to generation?
Since I just can't bring myself to dissect or respond to this letter any further, I'll cede that dubious pleasure to Mr. Schiller himself, who also shared with me the letter he wrote in response. It is as sharp and clever and funny as anything that has ever appeared on this site. And so it is, perhaps, here at the end of this unfortunate trilogy, just balm and salve enough to heal the psychic wounds brought on by all this Wechtian bile:
Honorable Cyril H. Wecht, M.D., J.D.:
Enclosed is a copy of a letter I received from someone using your name and stationery. I thought you should be made aware that a deranged psychopath or possibly a terrorist group is making libelous rants and threats against private citizens using your good name, office and signature. My Jewish ancestors would be spinning in their graves if they knew that I was being accused of anti-Semitism and that Jew of your renown was having his name besmirched by having it attached to such malignant trash.
My wife, at first, thought it was a hilarious practical joke but one can never be sure nowadays with so many mentally ill people walking the streets unatended and without proper medication. I suggest you investigate the source of this incoherent harangue because the author is obviously mentally unbalanced and could be a danger to himself and others.
I am preserving the original letter and envelope in an airtight zip lock bag so the authorities can test them for drugs and toxins. The insignificant moron who wrote this sputtering drivel probably dribbled spittle on the paper, which could be tested for DNA, and I would guess that traces of prohibited intoxicants or hallucinogens would also be found.
Very truly yours,
Gerald Schiller.
Posted: Thu - September 27, 2007 at 01:49 PM
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Published On: Nov 30, 2007 03:57 PM
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Published On: Nov 30, 2007 03:57 PM