YOU CAN'T CHECK OUT ANY TIME YOU LIKE
and you can never leave.
With apologies
to and admiration for the great Bill
Maher...
NEW RULE: Grocery stores must create a special checkout lane for people who want to have a long, pointless conversation with their cashier, want to show blurry photos of their grandchildren to their bagger, insist that both their cashier and their bagger read the inside of every one of the greeting cards they just bought with their Listerine and their prune juice, divide their items into two separate piles to be checked out separately, ask for their items to be scanned and totaled one-at-a-time in case they didn't bring enough money to pay for them all, want to void and re-total their items one-at-a-time until they have enough money to pay for what's left, still can't figure out how to write a check, still haven't discovered the invention of the check card, need someone to help them operate the check card keypad, can't remember their PIN, can't remember what a PIN is, want everyone to wait just one minute -- which inevitably turns to ten -- while they go back and get that precious can of green beans they just realized they forgot, haven't yet sorted through their encyclopedia of coupons, and/or want to pay several dollars' worth of their bill in change they've not yet counted and, even with the help of the cashier, still can't seem to count correctly.
Call it the Anti-Express Lane, or the Self-Absorption Lane, or the Lane for Helpless, Hopeless Idiots You Never, Ever Want to Get Stuck Behind. But whatever you call it, I'm begging you: do it, and then militantly enforce it. As soon as possible. And preferably before next Sunday.
NEW RULE: Grocery stores must create a special checkout lane for people who want to have a long, pointless conversation with their cashier, want to show blurry photos of their grandchildren to their bagger, insist that both their cashier and their bagger read the inside of every one of the greeting cards they just bought with their Listerine and their prune juice, divide their items into two separate piles to be checked out separately, ask for their items to be scanned and totaled one-at-a-time in case they didn't bring enough money to pay for them all, want to void and re-total their items one-at-a-time until they have enough money to pay for what's left, still can't figure out how to write a check, still haven't discovered the invention of the check card, need someone to help them operate the check card keypad, can't remember their PIN, can't remember what a PIN is, want everyone to wait just one minute -- which inevitably turns to ten -- while they go back and get that precious can of green beans they just realized they forgot, haven't yet sorted through their encyclopedia of coupons, and/or want to pay several dollars' worth of their bill in change they've not yet counted and, even with the help of the cashier, still can't seem to count correctly.
Call it the Anti-Express Lane, or the Self-Absorption Lane, or the Lane for Helpless, Hopeless Idiots You Never, Ever Want to Get Stuck Behind. But whatever you call it, I'm begging you: do it, and then militantly enforce it. As soon as possible. And preferably before next Sunday.
Posted: Sun - September 9, 2007 at 11:44 AM
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Published On: Jan 16, 2009 04:49 PM
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Published On: Jan 16, 2009 04:49 PM