THE BLIZZ HEATS UP


but does not meltdown.

With his air conditioning working but not exactly cooling, his nerves fraying, and his living room simmering at a lovely 83 degrees, The Blizz, no doubt hankering -- which is not to be confused with Hunkering -- for an extra large version of his nom de plume namesake, fired off this little historical/philosophical observation...

How in the hell did people live before they invented air conditioning? No wonder people look miserable as hell in those old portraits. I thought it was disease and the lack of professional sports, but I'm beginning to believe that's what we would all look like without air conditioning.

...then, in a follow-up email, produced a Bill-Maher-style NEW RULE that not only eerily prefigures an upcoming TWM post but also, in its sheer, practical brilliance, provides a blueprint for reducing not just the heat in his house but the heat on the whole damned planet:

You can't tell anyone about the dangers of global warming (and be taken seriously) until you first advocate the elimination of NASCAR and all other racing sports. If the burning of hydrocarbons is the key element in global warming, then certainly a serious global-warmite must demand that we eliminate sports which at their core are all about burning as much gas (not to mention the environmental waste they create in the form of spent tires) as possible.

Here, in these icy observations, is all you need to know about why the Blizz has been my friend and co-conspirator for over 20 years: irreverent humor, inimitable vision, and an insatiable desire, even at the height and heat of his own discomfort, to improve the world in which he lives. In the deft turn of just four sentences, he can make you laugh, make you think, and try to make you safe from two of the greatest and most pervasive threats against modern American civilization. If the Republican Party is paying any attention at all, they'll nominate him for President in 2008.

An anti-NASCAR stance might not win him any friends in the South, but a pro-life, pro-air-conditioning, No Child Left Dehydrated plan will be more than enough to get him past whatever soulless automaton the Democrats serve up for slaughter.

Posted: Mon - August 7, 2006 at 10:06 AM          

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