THAT'S MY KINDA TRASH


partners in the v-day crime.

Thanks in part to The Daily Show's punnery -- the Cheney's Got a Gun bit was pure, pop-culture goodness -- I've had a whole bunch of Aerosmith songs running through my head today, especially the ones from Pump, their 1989 masterpiece of dirty, gritty, hard-charging rock & blues & roll. One of those tunes -- F.I.N.E., into which Steven Tyler, writing as if his (sex) life depended on it, packs an entire album's worth of naughty wordplay and back-alley Shakespearean double entendre -- feels like a particularly great soundtrack for and antidote to today's simpering, sanitized, store-bought sentimentality. And so I offer it here, proudly unexpurgated and boldly unbowdlerized, for your Valentine's Day (guilty) pleasure...



F.I.N.E.
Steven Tyler/Joe Perry

Hot wax drippin’, honey, whaddaya say
I got a brand new record that I gotta play
She says, not now boy, but I did anyway
‘Cause I'm ready, so ready

Lip-smackin', paddy-wackin', walkin' the street
I got a rag-top Chevy, and I'm back on my feet
I get an emho woody when I sit in the seat
‘Cause I'm ready, so ready

I got a girlfriend with the hoochie-coochie eyes
Cause in the pink she looks so fine
She got the cracker jack, now all I want's the prize, honey

I know these hookers down on 42nd street, but
Ill-gotten booty's not my style
I'll take a rain check 'til I get back on my feet, honey

'Cause I'm alright
Oh, your daddy says I'm alright
Your momma says I'm alright
And my old lady says I'm alright

Whip-crackin' floozie way outta control
She got a new kinda jelly in her jelly roll
I got the right key, baby, but the wrong keyhole
I'm ready, so ready

I'm a red-hot pistol, and I'm ready to fight
I'm a .38 Special on a Saturday night
I'm gonna kiss your boo-boo, honey, make it alright
‘Cause I'm ready, so ready

I got a cruiser with a bimbo on the dash
It kinda keeps my ass in line
One little french kiss, honey, that's my kinda trash, yeah

My brand new baby's lookin’ f-i-n-e fine
The sun is shinin' every day
Ain't got no rubbers, now it's rainin’ all the time, honey

I'm alright
My little sister says I'm alright
Oh, my brother thinks I'm alright
And my old lady knows I'm alright

I feel like I'm hung up on the line
I'd die for you, but we were partners in the crime
Everything about you is so f-i-n-e fine

Let's put our clothes back on now
By the way, girl
What's your name again?

Come on, come on, come on, come on

I'm alright
Ooh, your daddy says I'm alright
And even Tipper thinks I'm alright
And now Joe Perry says I'm alright

Pitched my tent in the pouring rain
I got a backseat lover that's callin' my name
She gonna blow my cover, she's hot as a flame
But I'm ready, so ready

I shove my tongue right between your cheeks
I haven't made love now for twenty-five weeks
I hear that you’re so tight, your lovin' squeaks
And I'm ready, so ready

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah...

Posted: Tue - February 14, 2006 at 07:04 PM          

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