BABY TALK
luke worms around
ethics.
So it looks like yesterday's plaintive wish -- and, let's face it; we knew
that's all it ever could be -- will not come to pass. Sister Patrice "This is a
dialogue" Hughes and the rest of her consensus-seeking Ethics Board won't be
offering any sort of public shame or scorn or discipline for a mayor who's
either so dumb or so dense (or so both) that he can't even keep his
rationalizations straight -- as The Burgher has already noted, Ravenstahl now claims to be
proud of
attending an event he initially
denied
attending -- and who seems almost genetically incapable of speaking the truth or
facing the facts.
Just for the sheer, masochistic fun of it, let's work our way through the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette's coverage of Ravenstahl's responses to the board. We'll stick to quotations and paraphrases, focusing only on his own mangled words and tortured logic, and, assuming our heads don't explode before we get to the end, see if we can uncover even a hint of reality in The Boy Mayor's happy little fantasy world.
Mayor Luke Ravenstahl says a mayor is obligated to support the community by taking part in charitable events, but he can't afford to do so from his own pocket.
By which he means he can't afford to take part in charitable events that cost $9,000 per head. Which is, of course, why he has no choice but to accept thosegifts
perks donations whatever the hell he calls
them if he really wants to take part in charitable events. Because we all know
that there are no charitable events in this community that accept less than
$9,000 for individuals to
participate.
Which also begs the question -- has UPMC made any other large charitable donations in the mayor's name? Ones, perhaps, that don't come with two days' worth of golf and meals and a gift bag and lots of celebrities hanging around?
Just wondering.
Mr. Ravenstahl denied the presence of any favoritism or conflicts -- real or perceived -- from backing by the organizations in such outings.
Here's a perfect example of how Luke exists solely within the constructs of his own happy places. It is one thing to deny that his $9,000 golf outing could produce any real favoritism or conflicts of interest. (I don't happen to buy that, and it's not bloody likely, but it is certainly possible.) But he expects us -- which is to say, people with real, fully functioning brains -- to believe that accepting a $9,000 perk should not even produce the perception of favoritism. As if mayors accept $9,000 perks from everyone within their governance. Or as if, Bob-Nutting-like, he can not possibly fathom how anyone could look upon him with anything but reverent appreciation.
"The only thing of value I received was knowing I played a small part in seeing the work of the foundation will continue," he said.
I hate to break it to you, Luke, but you played no part in seeing the work of the foundation continue. The continuing of the foundation's work comes from the money that golfers and sponsors pay to participate in the tournament. You, as you've already told us, couldn't afford to pay that kind of money. So UPMC and the Penguins paid it for you. Which means they played a small part in seeing that the work of the foundation will continue. You played golf and stalked celebrities and skipped public hearings. For free.
"This was not a gift to me. I received nothing from UPMC."
UPMC pays $9,000 for a spot in the golf tournament. Ravenstahl gets that spot. But he receives nothing from UPMC.
From whom did he receive it? Mario Lemieux? Santa Claus? The Golf Fairy?
This sort of ignorance (arrogance? obfuscation? sheer stupidity?) boggles the mind. And sickens the stomach.
But then, you know, if I really think about it, I guess I understand what he means. Because back in February, right after my birthday, my friend Ron paid $30 to Buy.com, and then a few days later, Buy.com, apparently for no reason at all, sent me a copy of The Thing on HD-DVD. Since I didn't actually receive it from Ron, I guess it wasn't really a gift to me. So...
...hey. That sucks. Damnit, Ron! You owe me a present!
"While I recognize the need for close scrutiny of public officials, we must allow them to be part of the community in which they serve," he said.
Because he could not possibly have been part of the community if he had not gotten the chance to golf with Sidney Crosby. Of course, he might also have been part of the community if he'd stayed at work and attended that public hearing.
Or not.
"It is for this reason the city's code of conduct has a specific exemption for public officials accepting admission to charitable events like this one."
Except, of course, that it wasn't admission. It was two rounds of golf. And some meals. And a gift bag.
Oh, yes. And it wasn't just admission. It was a $9,000 admission slot paid for by the Death Star of Western Pennsylvania health care.
"I can probably tell you that Joe Theismann and Sidney Crosby were more of the show [at the golf outing] than I was...
No shit.
Now.
As if that's the issue here. As if all anyone is worried about is that Luke went to Laurel Valley and put on a show for the sports fans. Or as if any possible ethics violations will just melt away because no one asked Luke for his autograph while he was busy asking everyone else for theirs.
...but I think at many events the mayor is a draw, and that the mayor is requested to be there to enhance the event, and I think that's important," Mr. Ravenstahl said.
Especially if there are celebrities there. And I get to play golf. Because I really like golf.
"I can tell you when I am asked to go to events that I don't attend, those organizations let me know about it."
These days, I imagine they send a Thank You card.
In an interview in his office, the mayor acknowledged enjoying the Lemieux outing.
What could he have possibly enjoyed? He didn't get anything, right? So he didn't really do anything, right? Right?
Maybe he meant to say that he enjoyed it, but that he didn't inhale. Or...
...oh, never mind.
He produced two framed photos of the golf groups he joined with Mr. Theismann and Mr. Crosby.
Head. About. To explode.
(breathe)
Okay. Now.
This little detail right here proves, once and for all, that this kid just doesn't get it. He's been derided as a starfucker and a celebrity stalker and a whoring, hobnobbing fame hound, and then, the same day he's questioned in front of an ethics panel about his involvement in the golf tournament, he proudly whips out a couple of starfucking, celebrity stalking, whoring-and-hobnobbing framed photos from the event to show off to reporters.
It's kind of like O.J. Simpson showing reporters a pair of bloody gloves.
But he maintained that if the ethics board goes too far with restrictions on such events, "I think it would be harmful not to me, but to the organizations we are supporting."
By which he means: It would be especially harmful to me, because I love getting these freebies and chances to chase after celebrities, but it wouldn't really be harmful to these organizations, since I'm not actually supporting them anyway. Except by my presence. And that, in itself, is really more of a detriment. Going forward.
Or something like that.
Just for the sheer, masochistic fun of it, let's work our way through the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette's coverage of Ravenstahl's responses to the board. We'll stick to quotations and paraphrases, focusing only on his own mangled words and tortured logic, and, assuming our heads don't explode before we get to the end, see if we can uncover even a hint of reality in The Boy Mayor's happy little fantasy world.
Mayor Luke Ravenstahl says a mayor is obligated to support the community by taking part in charitable events, but he can't afford to do so from his own pocket.
By which he means he can't afford to take part in charitable events that cost $9,000 per head. Which is, of course, why he has no choice but to accept those
Which also begs the question -- has UPMC made any other large charitable donations in the mayor's name? Ones, perhaps, that don't come with two days' worth of golf and meals and a gift bag and lots of celebrities hanging around?
Just wondering.
Mr. Ravenstahl denied the presence of any favoritism or conflicts -- real or perceived -- from backing by the organizations in such outings.
Here's a perfect example of how Luke exists solely within the constructs of his own happy places. It is one thing to deny that his $9,000 golf outing could produce any real favoritism or conflicts of interest. (I don't happen to buy that, and it's not bloody likely, but it is certainly possible.) But he expects us -- which is to say, people with real, fully functioning brains -- to believe that accepting a $9,000 perk should not even produce the perception of favoritism. As if mayors accept $9,000 perks from everyone within their governance. Or as if, Bob-Nutting-like, he can not possibly fathom how anyone could look upon him with anything but reverent appreciation.
"The only thing of value I received was knowing I played a small part in seeing the work of the foundation will continue," he said.
I hate to break it to you, Luke, but you played no part in seeing the work of the foundation continue. The continuing of the foundation's work comes from the money that golfers and sponsors pay to participate in the tournament. You, as you've already told us, couldn't afford to pay that kind of money. So UPMC and the Penguins paid it for you. Which means they played a small part in seeing that the work of the foundation will continue. You played golf and stalked celebrities and skipped public hearings. For free.
"This was not a gift to me. I received nothing from UPMC."
UPMC pays $9,000 for a spot in the golf tournament. Ravenstahl gets that spot. But he receives nothing from UPMC.
From whom did he receive it? Mario Lemieux? Santa Claus? The Golf Fairy?
This sort of ignorance (arrogance? obfuscation? sheer stupidity?) boggles the mind. And sickens the stomach.
But then, you know, if I really think about it, I guess I understand what he means. Because back in February, right after my birthday, my friend Ron paid $30 to Buy.com, and then a few days later, Buy.com, apparently for no reason at all, sent me a copy of The Thing on HD-DVD. Since I didn't actually receive it from Ron, I guess it wasn't really a gift to me. So...
...hey. That sucks. Damnit, Ron! You owe me a present!
"While I recognize the need for close scrutiny of public officials, we must allow them to be part of the community in which they serve," he said.
Because he could not possibly have been part of the community if he had not gotten the chance to golf with Sidney Crosby. Of course, he might also have been part of the community if he'd stayed at work and attended that public hearing.
Or not.
"It is for this reason the city's code of conduct has a specific exemption for public officials accepting admission to charitable events like this one."
Except, of course, that it wasn't admission. It was two rounds of golf. And some meals. And a gift bag.
Oh, yes. And it wasn't just admission. It was a $9,000 admission slot paid for by the Death Star of Western Pennsylvania health care.
"I can probably tell you that Joe Theismann and Sidney Crosby were more of the show [at the golf outing] than I was...
No shit.
Now.
As if that's the issue here. As if all anyone is worried about is that Luke went to Laurel Valley and put on a show for the sports fans. Or as if any possible ethics violations will just melt away because no one asked Luke for his autograph while he was busy asking everyone else for theirs.
...but I think at many events the mayor is a draw, and that the mayor is requested to be there to enhance the event, and I think that's important," Mr. Ravenstahl said.
Especially if there are celebrities there. And I get to play golf. Because I really like golf.
"I can tell you when I am asked to go to events that I don't attend, those organizations let me know about it."
These days, I imagine they send a Thank You card.
In an interview in his office, the mayor acknowledged enjoying the Lemieux outing.
What could he have possibly enjoyed? He didn't get anything, right? So he didn't really do anything, right? Right?
Maybe he meant to say that he enjoyed it, but that he didn't inhale. Or...
...oh, never mind.
He produced two framed photos of the golf groups he joined with Mr. Theismann and Mr. Crosby.
Head. About. To explode.
(breathe)
Okay. Now.
This little detail right here proves, once and for all, that this kid just doesn't get it. He's been derided as a starfucker and a celebrity stalker and a whoring, hobnobbing fame hound, and then, the same day he's questioned in front of an ethics panel about his involvement in the golf tournament, he proudly whips out a couple of starfucking, celebrity stalking, whoring-and-hobnobbing framed photos from the event to show off to reporters.
It's kind of like O.J. Simpson showing reporters a pair of bloody gloves.
But he maintained that if the ethics board goes too far with restrictions on such events, "I think it would be harmful not to me, but to the organizations we are supporting."
By which he means: It would be especially harmful to me, because I love getting these freebies and chances to chase after celebrities, but it wouldn't really be harmful to these organizations, since I'm not actually supporting them anyway. Except by my presence. And that, in itself, is really more of a detriment. Going forward.
Or something like that.
Posted: Wed - August 22, 2007 at 04:33 PM
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Published On: Jan 16, 2009 04:50 PM
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Published On: Jan 16, 2009 04:50 PM