THESE HUNGRY EDITORS WON'T BE DENIED
but the rest of us will.
Part me of thinks I should not disparage anyone who
wants to support the Penguins during this (or any) playoff run. But then
another part of me endures loutish, drunken fans at the Arena -- I went to a
Pens game two weeks ago, and a Steelers game broke out -- and silly, ignorant fans on talk radio and silly, awkward editorials in the morning paper,
and, well...
Spare us the wagers of cheesesteaks vs. Iron City.
Spare us the unfortunate mix of a little knowledge and a lot of cheek. If only because no one would ever wager cheesesteaks against Iron City. They'd wager cheesesteaks against Primanti's sandwiches. Or maybe pierogies. And Iron City against Yards. Or maybe Yuengling.
Any way you mix the two, hockey fans know it's going to come out bitter.
Oh, yes. Very bitter. Especially in Pennsylvania, where the masses cling to sports and sticks almost as much as they do to guns and religion.
Isn't that right, Barack Obama endorsers?
That's how it's always been with the NHL's Pennsylvania rivals, the Pittsburgh Penguins and Philadelphia Flyers, who will open a best-of-seven series here Friday night for the Eastern Conference title. For anyone not paying attention (and it's hard to understand how), this is the playoff round before the Stanley Cup finals.
If they're not paying attention, I doubt they're still reading. And if they really want to be informed about hockey playoff rounds, I doubt they'll be looking just below British shocker: Voters dump the Labor Party in local councils on your editorial page.
That's Stanley Cup as in championship.
That's repetitive as in redundant.
That's championship as in the kind the Penguins haven't copped since 1992, when star center Sidney Crosby was still shy of his fifth birthday.
That's awkward -- as in grating -- parallel structure. Please stop.
And another thing: Copped? Copped? Who are you, Raymond Chandler?
But let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Too late.
The young Pens have come this far, capturing two rounds of playoffs in the remarkably short span of eight wins and one loss, just by doing that -- taking it one game at a time.
Did anyone proofread this thing? Or did they just decide that a couple of paragraphs so awkward in tone may as well be equally awkward in syntax?
They also have counted on every man to find his one shining moment, as newcomer Marian Hossa did in his overtime goal Sunday.
One shining moment? Who wrote this? Jim Nantz? James Brown? Verne Lundquist? In the middle of a PG editorial, a bad CBS Sports broadcast (yes, I know that's redundant) broke out.
Not that Friday night's face-off will be just another game. The Pens go up against their cross-state nemesis, who beat Pittsburgh in five of their eight meetings this season, including an 8-2 humiliation in December.
Whatever the Pens suffered in that loss, it was, I assure you, no more humiliating than the printing of this editorial.
Let's hope the Flyers had their fun. This is the series that counts.
And this is the editorial that hurts.
These hungry Penguins won't be denied.
Cramming two clichés into just six words. Impressive. If not necessarily creative. Or admirable.
Someone call Gene Collier. Quick.
Go ahead, bring it.
If you say so, Mr. President.
My God. If there's anything more desperate and pathetic than newspaper editorial boards trying to sound hip and cool by writing about a local sports team, it's newspaper editorial boards trying to sound hip and cool by writing about a local sports team in an arch, affected vernacular that even the team's players would not dream of employing.
Sidney Crosby: If you want a rivalry, there's one right there. As players, we know that the playoffs are always intense, but it throws some spice into it when it's Pittsburgh-Philadelphia.
Marian Hossa: We're going to enjoy this, have a day off, and then we're going back to work to get ready for the next opponent.
Ryan Malone: It's going to be a battle. We've worked hard to get where we are now. Why not play them and have this big rivalry? It's going to be great for the fans.
PG Editorial Board: Go ahead, bring it.
Whatever the Flyers bring, it is sure to be only marginally less dignified on the ice than the PG Editorial Board is here in print. For anyone not paying attention (and it's not hard to understand why), that's the final, and most lamentable, insult of all.
Spare us the wagers of cheesesteaks vs. Iron City.
Spare us the unfortunate mix of a little knowledge and a lot of cheek. If only because no one would ever wager cheesesteaks against Iron City. They'd wager cheesesteaks against Primanti's sandwiches. Or maybe pierogies. And Iron City against Yards. Or maybe Yuengling.
Any way you mix the two, hockey fans know it's going to come out bitter.
Oh, yes. Very bitter. Especially in Pennsylvania, where the masses cling to sports and sticks almost as much as they do to guns and religion.
Isn't that right, Barack Obama endorsers?
That's how it's always been with the NHL's Pennsylvania rivals, the Pittsburgh Penguins and Philadelphia Flyers, who will open a best-of-seven series here Friday night for the Eastern Conference title. For anyone not paying attention (and it's hard to understand how), this is the playoff round before the Stanley Cup finals.
If they're not paying attention, I doubt they're still reading. And if they really want to be informed about hockey playoff rounds, I doubt they'll be looking just below British shocker: Voters dump the Labor Party in local councils on your editorial page.
That's Stanley Cup as in championship.
That's repetitive as in redundant.
That's championship as in the kind the Penguins haven't copped since 1992, when star center Sidney Crosby was still shy of his fifth birthday.
That's awkward -- as in grating -- parallel structure. Please stop.
And another thing: Copped? Copped? Who are you, Raymond Chandler?
But let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Too late.
The young Pens have come this far, capturing two rounds of playoffs in the remarkably short span of eight wins and one loss, just by doing that -- taking it one game at a time.
Did anyone proofread this thing? Or did they just decide that a couple of paragraphs so awkward in tone may as well be equally awkward in syntax?
They also have counted on every man to find his one shining moment, as newcomer Marian Hossa did in his overtime goal Sunday.
One shining moment? Who wrote this? Jim Nantz? James Brown? Verne Lundquist? In the middle of a PG editorial, a bad CBS Sports broadcast (yes, I know that's redundant) broke out.
Not that Friday night's face-off will be just another game. The Pens go up against their cross-state nemesis, who beat Pittsburgh in five of their eight meetings this season, including an 8-2 humiliation in December.
Whatever the Pens suffered in that loss, it was, I assure you, no more humiliating than the printing of this editorial.
Let's hope the Flyers had their fun. This is the series that counts.
And this is the editorial that hurts.
These hungry Penguins won't be denied.
Cramming two clichés into just six words. Impressive. If not necessarily creative. Or admirable.
Someone call Gene Collier. Quick.
Go ahead, bring it.
If you say so, Mr. President.
My God. If there's anything more desperate and pathetic than newspaper editorial boards trying to sound hip and cool by writing about a local sports team, it's newspaper editorial boards trying to sound hip and cool by writing about a local sports team in an arch, affected vernacular that even the team's players would not dream of employing.
Sidney Crosby: If you want a rivalry, there's one right there. As players, we know that the playoffs are always intense, but it throws some spice into it when it's Pittsburgh-Philadelphia.
Marian Hossa: We're going to enjoy this, have a day off, and then we're going back to work to get ready for the next opponent.
Ryan Malone: It's going to be a battle. We've worked hard to get where we are now. Why not play them and have this big rivalry? It's going to be great for the fans.
PG Editorial Board: Go ahead, bring it.
Whatever the Flyers bring, it is sure to be only marginally less dignified on the ice than the PG Editorial Board is here in print. For anyone not paying attention (and it's not hard to understand why), that's the final, and most lamentable, insult of all.
Posted: Tue - May 6, 2008 at 11:13 AM
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Published On: Jan 16, 2009 04:50 PM
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Published On: Jan 16, 2009 04:50 PM